Love in the Mirror Room
by forbiddenkisses
Summary: What if, on that fateful day in the ballet studio, James and Bella had realized they were intrigued by and attracted to one another? Is it Stockholm or destiny? What would Edward do if he could find no traces of either of them when he got to the studio?
1. Chapter 1

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE AND DISCLAIMER:**_

_**Stephenie Meyer is the author of Twilight. She owns the characters, and the Twilight Series. I'm just offering an alternate possibility.**_

_**This is my first fanfiction and my first work of such a length. Jmeyer made it better than I ever imagined by agreeing to act as a beta after the entire text was already written.**_

_**Thank you, Jess. Thank you, those who are reading.**_

_**I hope you enjoy.**_

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**Bella's POV-**

I will always remember that day at the ballet studio; it changed my life forever. That one day sent me tumbling onto a path I never would have imagined for myself. Rather, a path I had imagined for myself, but with everyone acting out roles entirely different than the ones in which they had been cast.

I had gone to meet James, eager to save my mother and hopefully Edward. I was willing to face any fate so long as I could keep those I loved safe. That was always a driving force for me- the urge to keep the people I cared about from pain. Even when I realized my mother was nowhere to be found, I wasn't angry that James had tricked me. No. I was relieved that my mother was not in harm's way. My own well-being was secondary to my mother's.

_His dark eyes assessed me with interest. The irises were nearly black. Thirsty._

"Isabella, Isabella, Isabella," James crooned, drawing each syllable of my name out and wrapping his arms around me, lowering his face down to my neck. We were in the ballet studio, and I was sure I was going to die. I closed my eyes tightly, Edward's name running through my mind over and over again, reminding myself not to fight, not to give Edward any reason to place himself in danger.

I could feel his cool breath at my neck and my heart stopped, restarting in a clumsy manner, each beat nearly tripping over itself. Instead of biting, his teeth breaking through my fragile human skin to get to the blood pulsing right below it, he just inhaled deeply. I kept my eyes shut, my arms held tight against my sides, ignoring the cold I felt coming from his body. His nose pressed right against my skin, before tracing up my neck, along my jaw, to rest on my cheek.

"Bella, I've got a little confession for you." My eyes flashed open, and I wished they hadn't. He was too close, and he moved to look me in the eyes, his nose almost touching mine. Staring into the dark crimson depths of his eyes sent a shiver down my spine- but not the kind I had expected.

"Belllaaaaa," he cooed, lips curving in a bone-chilling smirk. "You're special, Bella. I can tell. Call it my hunter's instinct, but I've never come across someone like you before." I couldn't look away, captivated by his stare. His voice dropped to a volume so low I had to strain to hear it, even though his mouth was mere inches away from mine. "Bella, I'm not sure I want to give you up."

My eyes widened, and my breath froze in my throat. I knew it wasn't entirely because of the fear, and that scared me even more. He saw my reaction and frowned, anger sparking in his eyes. "Don't you want to stay with me, Bella?"

I forced a smile to my lips, as I thought through the situation, ignoring my strange reactions to him. There was an awareness speeding across my nerves that I'd only ever experienced with Edward, but I couldn't dwell on that if I hope to get out of this alive. Obviously, there was more wrong with James than any of us had imagined. Maybe, just maybe, if I played along, there was a chance I would see Edward again. Maybe. Maybe I could not only save myself, but save Edward and his family as well.

Telling myself that was why I would go along with James' strange interest, and not the peculiar feeling I felt growing in the pit of my stomach, I made my mind up. After what seemed like forever for James, I'm sure, my smile grew again, and I relaxed a little in his arms. "O-of course I do. That's why I came here today. Um, I knew Edward wouldn't come after me if I wrote him that letter." I did my best to look pleasant, loving even, hoping that if I looked like I meant my words, he would believe me. My heart was racing, but I hoped he would attribute it to the former scare as opposed to my lying.

His face relaxed slightly, arms tightening around me. I felt my ribs protest, and I flinched, my hands going to James's forearms. "That hurts, James."

His anger flared again, and his arms tightened even further, but it didn't scare me. Edward was afraid to even touch me, but James obviously didn't have that same problem. It was... refreshing? I felt like I'd stepped into a different world. James didn't want to kill me, and I was having the strangest reactions to him. "You're too fragile. What is the point if I have to be careful with you?"

I thought a second, then took a deep breath and relaxed against him, burying my face against his neck, pressing my lips near his collarbone. "Please," I pleaded softly, pressing my eyes shut.

I could feel his confusion, but I was hoping that the promise of something else would make up for any extra care he'd have to take with me. Edward's love for me had stopped him from killing me, so would James' physical desire stop _him_?

We stood there for several minutes; my life in James' hands. I could only hope and pray that James' strange attraction and curiosity where I was concerned would be enough to save me. Maybe eventually I would find my way back to Edward.

Finally, James made his decision. "Well, fine then. I'll keep you." Then he picked me up in his arms, tucked my face against his chest, and ran.

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**Edward's POV-**

We searched everywhere around the studio. There was not even the slightest trace of either Bella or James, aside from the tape of Bella's childhood playing on the TV and the faint smell of her blood in the air.

I inhaled deeply, welcoming the burn that brought back vivid images of her in my mind. The knowledge that he had her somewhere, and I had no idea where, made me long to crush the life out of him. Next thing I knew, Alice was at my side, her hand brushing away the shards of glass from my knuckles, her worried reflection broken and distorted in the mirror I'd just punched.

"We'll find her, Edward." Her musical voice did little to reassure me. I knew she was saying it because she hoped not because she knew. I had seen the vision she had of James running off with Bella to God knows where.

"You don't know that!" I exclaimed and was shocked at the despair in my voice. I was heartbroken, feeling defeated already, but I hadn't expected that to show up in my voice so soon. I had heard the same tone many times throughout my years; those people were always consumed by grief, incapable of functioning. It was hard to reconcile that image with the way I felt, but it didn't feel altogether wrong, just too soon. I couldn't give up on Bella yet.

I could see Jasper and Emmett outside, searching in the dark for any trace of Bella. They came up empty handed, sending that despair creeping over me once again. "Alice, she's _gone!_" I roared, tearing the practice bar at my right off the wall and hurtling it through the wall at the end of the room.

Alice did not flinch but simply put her tiny hand on my shoulder. "Edward. We _will_ find her."

I closed my eyes, forcing myself to believe in her words. It was a common joke in our family never to bet against Alice. Even if she had not had a vision, her hunches were usually right. Believing that we would indeed find Bella would bring me some comfort. The knowledge that I would look into her eyes, hold her in my arms, feel her heartbeat flutter beneath her paper-thin skin, would let me focus on finding the both of them.

So instead of arguing with her, I just straightened my stance, raising my chin as I glared out of the hole in the wall I had created.

"You're right. We will find her. And we will find James. And when I do, I am going to tear him apart with my own bare hands."

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	2. Chapter 2

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE AND DISCLAIMER:**_

_**Stephenie Meyer is the author of Twilight. She owns the characters, and the Twilight Series. I'm just offering an alternate possibility.**_

_**I am eternally grateful to Jmeyer for acting as my beta. **_

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**Bella's POV-**

I had lost track of how long James had been running. His marble-hard arms clutched me to his chest, and I hid my face in the fabric of his shirt. I had slept, woken, slept again; the cycle repeated over and over again, but I didn't know how many times. When we did stop, I was surprised to find that I didn't want to be out of his arms, which confused me. I was in love with Edward. He was my soul mate, I was sure. So why was I reacting to James the way that I was?

I smiled to myself as I sensed his confusion about what to do with me now. I felt something brush against my neck below my ear.

"Bella?" He whispered it, and I couldn't help the goose bumps that appeared on my arms or the blush that spread across my face when I realized it had been his lips against my neck. I peeked up from his chest, smiling hesitantly. His eyebrows furrowed, a frown curving his lips before he attempted to smile down at me.

"We'll have to work on your smile," I said before I thought anything about it, my hand reaching to brush over his lips.

Before my hand could get even halfway there, his hand closed around my wrist hard enough that I knew there would be a bruise. I cringed, curling my fingers and looking up into James' face. His eyes were darker than before, if that was even possible, and his mouth was in a snarl, exposing his teeth that were only inches from my face.

"Ah ah ah, Bella. I'd be careful if I were you." His voice was a rumble, deep and rough, the exact opposite of Edward's.

I felt my stomach tighten at the thought of Edward and what he must be going through, but I was doing this for him, wasn't I? I didn't like that I doubted it, but how could I not doubt it when I'd just been thinking about how good it felt to be in James' arms. I shook my head slightly, to clear the thoughts, before focusing again on the situation at hand.

"I'm sorry. I just... I'm sorry." I hid my face against his chest again, as my voice dropped to barely a mumble.

I knew he'd hear me regardless, with his vampiric hearing. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other, not because I was heavy, so I assumed it was because I'd made him comfortable. He released my wrist, and I tugged it close to my body, inhaling his scent deeply. It was similar to Edward's, but different somehow. Fundamentally different, although I couldn't quite put my finger on just what it was.

"Well, we're here. Can you stand?" he asked, waiting for me to nod before lowering me to my legs.

I looked around and had no idea where we were. There were trees everywhere, with a rundown little cabin directly in front of us. Sunlight occasionally found its way through the thick canopy above us, casting his hands or a portion of his face in brilliance before fading away. But there was no way to judge where we were.

I could feel his eyes on my face, and I met his gaze, confusion evident across my face I'm sure. He smirked, walking in a circle around me.

"Bellllaaaaa, you didn't think I'd give you any way to lead your little boyfriend to us, did you?" He crossed his arms across his chest, stopped a foot in front of me, and looked down into my face, the expression in his eyes almost tender.

"I won't hurt you, much. But I told you I was keeping you, and I meant it. Just think of it as part of the game still, ok? I am a hunter after all. It's all in the chase, Bella. If Edward can find us, he's earned you. Well, at least until I find you again." He chuckled, the sound more sinister than it was amusing, and I shivered again, rubbing my hands up and down my arms.

"Edward won't come for me. I want to be here with you." I looked up at him from beneath my lashes, hands reaching out plaintively, doing my best to convince him that I meant it, while reassuring myself that I didn't. I'd always been a bad liar, and while I was glad James hadn't figured it out, it worried me that he hadn't. Perhaps there was more truth in my words than I meant for there to be. Hadn't I felt myself drawn to him, intrigued by his life from our very first meeting in the clearing? Yes, I'd been afraid, but who wasn't afraid when faced with the most dangerous predator.

No! I loved Edward. I would do anything it took to be with him, to save him from harm, to prove to him how much I loved him. This was just one way to go about it. I thought of the meadow, tracing my hands across his glittering skin, kissing him, talking with him. Letting the warmth and strength of his love fill me, I smiled softly. I was just getting confused, was all. Adrenaline did strange things to the body, and meeting one's would-be murderer surely qualified as an adrenaline-worthy situation, especially when that would-be murderer then took you to the middle of nowhere.

James looked doubtful but seemed a little mollified when I smiled. He grabbed my wrist and started walking, and I had no choice but to follow, especially if I wanted him to think I was truly there because I wanted to be with him. I couldn't very well resist. That's what I told myself, anyways, as I trailed slightly behind him, walking carefully through the leaves and over the roots, tripping once. When I crashed to the ground, he just stood next to me, head cocked to one side in confusion, lips quirked to show their amusement.

"Sorry," I muttered as I stood up. "I don't have the grace of you vampires." I brushed my palms off on my jeans, looking over at him.

"What're you looking at? Can't we just go see what this dump is like on the inside?" I suggested, my voice not unlike a petulant child.

James laughed quietly, shaking his head, and it actually sounded genial this time as opposed to sinister, although it was still rough, almost like a growl. Before I knew what he was doing, he lifted me into his arms and ran the rest of the way into the house. Opening the door, so we could go in, I slid out of his arms wrinkling my nose at the inside of the building.

It wasn't awful by any means. It was much cleaner than I'd anticipated, and it didn't look like there were any strange animals in it. It still gave me no indications as to where we were. It smelled musty, and in an attempt at decorating, one of the walls had been covered almost entirely in little mirrors, which were currently casting the image of James and myself back at me in fragments. It was a one room cabin, essentially. It had a little kitchen with a 2-seat table, that attached to the living room, which had what I assumed was a sleeper sofa. There was also a coffee table and one door, which I hoped led to a bathroom.

"I hope you don't think I'm sleeping on that," I said, eyebrows raised, nodding my head in the direction of the couch.

"Oh... sleep." His eyebrows came together, a deep frown marking his face. I'd once written his features off as plain, forgettable. But they were handsome, the more I looked; a strong jaw, full lips, and long eyelashes, I noted with a little smile.

"Yes, sleep. I'm human, remember? I need sleep, a bathroom, and food," I teased, surprising myself that I was able to do so. I was supposed to hate him, but I found myself more and more drawn to him, amused by him. His eyes narrowed on me, and my smile fell away.

His eyes were almost pitch black as he spoke. "I haven't forgotten you were human for even a split second, Bella."

I swallowed once, twice, forcing a shaky smile to my lips. His diet was composed strictly of humans, of course he wouldn't forget. "I'm sorry..."

I walked further into the cabin, glancing at him over my shoulder. He was watching me, his gaze intent on my every move. I felt the pace of my heart pick up and took a deep breath in an attempt to calm it. I would need to be calm as much as possible in the next few days or weeks. I didn't know how long I was going to be with James. Until I could figure out a way to escape from a vampire who thrived on the hunt... it seemed like a joke now.

As if reaffirming how helpless I was, I blinked, and then James was in front of me, blocking my way.

"I'll get what you need, Bella. I can take care of you. There is nothing that makes Edward better than me. I'm just as capable as he is."

He stroked my jaw and cheekbone with the very tips of his fingers, and I shut my eyes, raising my face for him to explore, willing myself not to be afraid, and finding it easier than I would have liked. His fingers trailed across my lips and they parted somewhat against my will. I knew my breath would feel unbelievably hot to his skin, but his fingers remained, just resting with the slightest bit of pressure against my lips.

When his touch left my face, I opened my eyes to see him smiling down at me, and then he was gone with a move too quick for my eyes to see. I saw him hesitate at the door, and then he was outside, waving at me through the window with a key in his hand.

It was then that I noticed the locks on the windows, the nails holding them shut. He wasn't taking any chances. James was holding me prisoner.

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**Edward's POV-**

The flyers haunted me. When I shut my eyes, I saw the many surfaces plastered with them. They were everywhere. I knew, because I had helped to hang them. They said "HAVE YOU SEEN THIS GIRL?" and had Bella's picture pasted beneath it, covering the town of Forks and most cities in Washington. I knew it wouldn't help, but I couldn't tell Charlie that. I couldn't deny him hope. What was I to tell him? "Sorry, Charlie, but I let your daughter get kidnapped by a human – eating vampire. Oh, by the way, I'm a vampire, too."

I spent my time either in her room, laying on the bed and looking at the ceiling, or at my house at my piano, although I hadn't had any interest in music since she'd disappeared. I could not stop thinking of our time together, of my love for her. I knew that it was my fault she was in danger right now. I would never forgive myself for that, for putting the person I loved more than anything else that had ever existed, in danger. Bella was prone to accidents and bad luck, how would she ever survive in James' grasp? I was the worst kind of monster, and I knew that the only way to redeem myself was to make sure I saved Bella.

Alice, the family, and I had spent hours strategizing. Rosalie was no longer willing to help me, and Esme devoted herself to keeping up the appearance of a real family. We had failed to come up with a plan because we had not the slightest clue where Bella and James could possibly be. I spent every second praying that Alice would have a vision that would lead us to her, but each second, which seemed like eternity, stretched into a minute, which then turned into an hour, and then a day, and then a week, still with no sign of Bella.

It felt like I'd spent a lifetime apart from her, when really she'd only been away from Alice and Jasper for a little over a week. With each passing second, I missed her more. The only thing that seemed to distract me was trying to figure out how to get her back. How I was going to make James pay for this? I would save Bella, make sure she was out of harm's way, and then I would get my revenge on James. No matter what the cost.

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	3. Chapter 3

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE AND DISCLAIMER:**_

_**Stephenie Meyer is the author of Twilight. She owns the characters, and the Twilight Series. I'm just offering an alternate possibility.**_

_**I am eternally grateful to Jmeyer for acting as my beta. **_

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Edward's POV-**

Lunch had become one of my least favorite times of the day, alongside car rides to school, where her seat next to me remained empty, and nights spent alone in her room. Bella's seat with us sat empty; it was the only thing I could look at the entire period. The first few days people kept their distance, eyeing the table of us warily, wondering if we had done something to her. Then they began to approach, never getting closer than a few feet away from the edge of the table, murmuring "sorrys" and "I hope you find her soons." Eventually, they went back to keeping their distance, not that it did anything for me. I heard their minds either focusing on pity for me and Bella, which annoyed me, or on thoughts about classes, clothing, and dates. Those trivial thoughts absolutely infuriated me. How could anyone go on existing in a normal manner with her gone? It dumbfounded me.

I usually just sat at the table hunched over, my eyes focused resolutely on her chair. Never had I known a chair to cause so much grief, to represent so much sadness, to inspire thoughts of such a desolate future, but this chair did all of these things and more. I did my best to keep from reading the thoughts of those around me. My family was the worst, Alice in particular. They worried about what I would do. Would I end my life? Would I ever get over her in the event of her deathOn top of all of that, Alice was worried about Bella. Was she alive? What had James done to her? What did he have in mind for her? It was because I was trying so hard to ignore everyone's thoughts that Alice caught me by surprise one day by shouting my name in her thoughts.

_EDWARD!_

My thirst-darkened eyes slid over to her, and I cringed as she registered my reflection. I looked like the monster I so often imagined myself to be.

_Edward, I saw her. Pay attention._

She was practically dancing in her seat, although her face was still sad. I think she was likely more excited that she saw something at all as opposed to pleased by the content. I sighed heavily before nodding, minutely, in a way no one else would notice.

In my mind, in Alice's mind, I saw Bella. Her hair limp around her face, skin paler than usual, wearing the same clothes I presumed she had left Alice and Jasper in. Dark circles around her eyes as she pounded, clawed even, at the apparently locked windows of a tiny, dirty room. She looked mad and afraid, but she was alive! I memorized every detail of the room, the pieces I could see out the window.

"Thanks," I remarked flatly to Alice as I stood up, keys already out of my bag.

"Wait," she warned, hand on my wrist, stopping me from moving. I glared down at her, then felt awful because after all, I wouldn't know anything if it weren't for her.

"I want to help you," she said quietly, seriously, although she looked concerned. I realized that it was probably to keep up the image for any students to may be watching. Everything was for the audience.

"I'm just going to try to find out where she is. You've done enough. You can help more later. This is my fight, Alice." I gave a slow, apologetic smile before pulling my wrist free, walking out of the cafeteria to my car. If I was going to get Bella back, if I was going to get my revenge on James, I needed a plan.

My mind was already going as fast as it could, coming up with and discarding plans quicker than most humans would have been able to process what was going on. As I slid into my car, I looked at the empty passenger seat, allowing myself to really feel the pain of her absence for a second. I hadn't lied to Bella ever. She had become my life, my everything, from the very first time I decided to let myself get close to her. I didn't feel like it made me any weaker of a man or vampire to be absolutely ruined by losing her, whether it was temporary or... I shook my head and clenched my jaw. I refused to believe that I would never see Bella again. I had waited decades for her. I would not lose her now.

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**Bella's POV-**

After James left, it was easy to convince myself that any positive feelings I'd ever felt toward him were simply a manifestation of the stress of my situation. I was pissed that he had locked me in the cabin after I'd willingly come with him. I only had to tell myself a few times that I wasn't mad because of the lack of trust, but because it prevented me from finding out where I was so I could get back to Edward.

No amount of pulling and banging on the windows would loosen them, and after trying my hardest, I simply sat on the floor, wrapping my arms around my knees. Thinking. I knew I loved Edward. Yes, he had come into my life fairly recently, but loving him was as natural and effortless as breathing. He respected me, worshipped me almost. His love turned me into something better than I had been before it. No matter how much I begged him not to be, he was unbelievably careful around me. Just being around James without wanting to bash his head in took effort, but today, when he had smiled and chuckled, the warmth I felt had been unlike anything else. He didn't see any reason to cater to me, really, not excessively like Edward preferred to do. James was going to presumably make sure my needs were met, and that was likely as far as he would go. When he hurt me, he hadn't been upset with himself for doing so but with me for being so weak. Of course, I didn't want him to be upset at all because that put me more at risk, but the differences between James and Edward just kept becoming more and more obvious.

I spent the majority of James' time away trying not to think about the physical reactions I was having to him, but eventually, with a sigh, I relented. At the ballet studio, looking into his eyes with his arms wrapped around me, I had been scared, but there was something else there. I had wanted to be there, and felt no desire to be anywhere else. I'd experienced the same thing when we arrived at the cabin after running for what I assumed were days, probably tracing and retracing our own steps to confuse the trail. He warned me he was setting me down, and I didn't want him to. I wanted him to keep holding me. When he'd touched his mouth to my neck, hadn't I shivered, wanting his mouth on me and wanting him to make us equals? Earlier, in this very cabin, when he'd touched my face, I had let him. He touched my lips, and I let him. He was not my soul mate, he wasn't my Edward, but he inspired an entirely different group of feelings in my heart.

A howling outside the cabin startled me, and I glanced up, out the window. I couldn't see anything but blackness. Night had definitely fallen, and still James was nowhere to be seen. I frowned and then crawled hesitantly to the window, peering out. It wasn't any use. I couldn't see what was outside the window. I just wanted James to come back, preferably with some clean clothes and a sleeping bag. When I realized my thought process, I started laughing. I wanted a homicidal vampire back because I was frightened of wild animals that not only wanted nothing to do with me but couldn't even get to me! I plopped down again, laughing still, wiping the tears from my eyes. It felt wonderful to laugh.

"What's so funny?" A deep voice sounded from the corner of the room.

Without thinking, I screamed, crawling backwards into the opposite corner before I realized it was just James. _Just James? _My own mind mocked me, but before I knew it I was smiling and standing up, moving to cross the room.

"Nothing, I'm just glad you're back," I answered nonchalantly. It was honest. Let him take it as he pleased.

I looked down at the bags at his feet then back up at his face. I thought I caught him smiling, but I could have been hallucinating. I wouldn't put hallucinations past my brain. My eyes searched his face for a threat and found none, although his eyes were bright crimson. He had fed while he was out. I shivered, mourning momentarily for the lost life. He had just killed a human being, only to return to me bearing gifts. I was ashamed of the flood of relief I experienced after that realization. If he'd just eaten, I was in much less danger of becoming his next meal. But did that excuse feeling relief at the death of another person?

The sound of crinkling plastic broke me from my self-pitying as he nudged the bags towards me with his foot, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Here is canned food, some clothes, a toothbrush. I got you a hairbrush. There were so many, and it was dark, so I just grabbed one. I'm sorry if it's not what you like. I'm trying." He spoke quickly, as if he was just talking to fill the silence, and toward the end, his voice faded off into nothing. I thought he said more; I saw his lips moving, but if he did it was too low for my ears.

I bent down in front of him, looking through the bags with a smile. His reference to the dark momentarily confused me, until I realized that he must have broken into someone's home. He was not a Cullen, I reminded myself. He did not abide by society's rules, he did not have money, and he did not care what others thought of him. He chuckled softly, and I looked up at him in confusion. He raised his eyebrows, obviously expecting me to catch on, and when I still didn't, he rolled his eyes.

"You're at an awfully convenient level," he pointed out, grinning. I blushed wildly, glaring at him while I gathered the bags and stood up.

"I'm going to put this stuff away and change." As I walked away, he called after me, his voice softer than I'd ever heard it, slightly apologetic. I looked back to see the wicked smirk still on his face. He was pointing toward the door.

"There's a cot and sleeping bag for you. You must have missed it during your maniacal laughter."

I glanced in the direction he indicated, smiling reflexively at his thought.

"Thank you," I acknowledged, my voice soft, turning my smile on him. I really was touched by the thought he had put into caring for me. Perhaps there was more to him. I shook my head at the thought and disappeared into the bathroom to change.

* * *

When I emerged after having done my best to freshen up with the freezing cold water dripping lazily from the faucet in the bathroom, I went to put the cans away in the cabinet. I heard James, or at least I hoped it was James, outside moving around. I could tell he would rather be out there than inside, and I didn't mind. It gave me time to collect my thoughts. Teasing him and joking with him was so natural, but I still just wanted to get in his face and yell almost every second I was with him. I felt like I hadn't relaxed a second since I'd gotten his phone call to show up at the ballet studio. Whereas Edward was content to just sit and watch me exist, James was constantly needling me, egging me on, and I felt a duty to occupy him.

The thought of Edward set my heart aching, and I paused in my efforts to clean. For a moment, I just hung my head and allowed myself to grieve. I missed Edward. I loved Edward. On the other hand, part of me was becoming irrevocably attached to James, no matter how hard I tried to deny it. He was the sole controller in whether I lived or died. Every second I continued to live I owed to James, and my heart recognized that. As if reaffirming my thoughts, I felt my heart beat harder against my chest, confirming that I was alive.

Perhaps I could mask all this from Edward if, no, when we found our way back to one another. Edward said human memories were transient. When I became a vampire, could I just forget the effect James was having on me? Surely the fact that Edward and I were soul mates would see me through this. I was depending on it, because every second I spent in James' care I felt more drawn to him.

"Why so sad?" James' rough voice was only inches away from my ear.

I jumped, spinning to glare at him.

"Stop doing that. You're going to give me a heart attack." He laughed, rolling his eyes at me again. I regretted spinning around, because he was closer than I thought.

"You didn't answer my question. Why so sad?" His voice was questioning, but his eyes were serious. He wanted an answer.

"I was thinking about loving Edward," I admitted with a shrug. His eyes darkened, a low growl starting in the base of his throat. I put my hand on his shoulder, shaking my head.

"I was thinking about how it is never going to be the same." Again, the truth.

James looked confused for a second, before a determined gleam entered his eyes. Apparently he took my words and actions as encouragement. He took a half step towards me, our chests now mere inches apart. I bit my lip, my eyes refusing to leave his, and I braced my hands on the counter on either side of me as I tried to regulate my heartbeat. I was no match for his vampire sense, however, and the same wicked grin from earlier stretched across his face.

"Bella, Bella," he crooned, or attempted to. His gravelly voice made it almost impossible; the croon came out as a growl, but it still sent shivers down my spine.

He raised one hand to brush a piece of hair from my face, fingertips caressing my skin. I held my breath. There was more anticipation here than with Edward. I knew Edward would never, could never hurt me. James both could, and had desperately wanted to hurt me for quite a while. His head lowered to mine, veering to one side at the last second so his lips met my jaw. My heart was now beating wildly, even though he was not really kissing me. He was simply touching me, the same as he had before only with his lips as opposed to his fingers.

I squinted my eyes shut tightly, repeating Edward's name over and over in my head as his lips traced lower, to the base of my throat, where my pulse ran rampant. Edward, Edward, Edward, Edward, Edward....

"James." His name left my lips softly, in a rush as his mouth opened, pressing the fronts of his teeth against my neck. He did not open his mouth, and he didn't break the skin. He just pressed.

"I think it's time for you to go to bed," he grumbled against my throat, scooping me up in his arms and walking into the area where he'd set up the cot. He deposited me on the bed and grinned down at me. I was still catching my breath, my hand pressed to the spot he had pressed his teeth to. I felt like the worst kind of traitor. Instead of letting the feeling stop me, I just filed it away for later consideration and smiled at James, slipping into the sleeping bag as he flicked off the only light. When my eyes adjusted, he was standing in front of the door, legs wide apart, arms crossed, looking like a statue.

I fell asleep wondering whether he was keeping anything else from getting in or me from getting out.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Edward's POV-**

I was at my piano playing her lullaby over and over, just relishing in the memories, when Alice got her vision. She had been unprepared, so I picked up on it immediately. James, over Bella. He had no shirt on, and it appeared that Bella was almost completely nude. It was clear what he intended, his mouth trailing down Bella's neck, across her chest, but her nails were scraping down his back and across his face, looking for purchase, useless against his vampire skin. They looked almost like they were fighting against one another. Bella looked absolutely furious, passionate, a complete transformation from the quiet, reserved girl I knew. Most importantly, she did not appear to be willing.

I felt the venom pool in my mouth and heard the animalistic growl coming from my throat. Above all the horrors I had imagined for Bella, this had been my worst fear. This had been the one that would most surely unhinge me. When I found James, I would kill him, even if it required doing so in front of Bella's very eyes.

I was out the front door running before Alice even made it down the stairs.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**


	4. Chapter 4 Short James POV

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE AND DISCLAIMER:**_

_**Stephenie Meyer is the author of Twilight. She owns the characters, and the Twilight Series. I'm just offering an alternate possibility.**_

_**I am eternally grateful to Jmeyer for acting as my beta. **_

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**James' POV-**

As Bella slept, I stood guard in front of the door. I could not allow her to escape, and I could not allow anything to harm her. By the end of first half hour, I was already annoyed. I was not patient by nature, and I was even less patient when it came to weakness, which is really what I considered being human to be. Bella was a human and therefore weak, and it was annoying to me. Everything she did, really, was aggravating to me. I had contemplated, even vividly pictured, just getting it over with and drinking her blood so many times it felt almost as if I'd done it.

Yet somehow, for some reason, she was still alive.

I couldn't take my eyes off of her. All night I watched as her chest rose and fell with each breath. I wondered how irritating it must be to be so fragile. So dependent on food, sleep, the perfect living conditions. I couldn't help but sneer at the thought. They were so worthless, humans. Breakable. Disposable. Yet here I was, absolutely fascinated by one. I was disgusted with myself, but that didn't help me get over the fascination. I wondered what had made this seemingly unremarkable girl so special that the Cullen's had been willing to go head to head with Victoria and myself over her.

I walked closer to the cot, peering down at her face. Yes, she was pretty but not drop-dead gorgeous. The Cullen who was so obsessed with her—Edward—could definitely find another girl, probably one who was prettier, without all the fuss. I doubted that was the reason. As I watched her, she shifted restlessly, a frown curving her lips, the dark circles under her eyes easily visible to me despite the darkness. I bent toward her, tipping my head so my ear was towards her chest. I didn't touch her, simply hovered, not even breathing, so I wouldn't wake her.

I listened. Her heart beat steady and strong.

Her heart was extremely expressive; it sped up, slowed down, sometimes even tripped over itself, and stopped, all according to her feelings. By listening to her heartbeat, I'd been able to gauge all of her reactions with a fair degree of accuracy. I knew she didn't hate me. I knew I had annoyed her as well. The reaction that was the most interesting to me was the reaction when I touched her. She seemed to like it, anticipate it. For someone who was in love with someone else, she seemed rather eager, actually. I grinned at the thought. If she really did want to be with me, this whole hunt had gotten a lot more interesting. I could just imagine poor Eddie's reaction when he found us, only to find Bella actually didn't want to leave with him.

I straightened up, looking down at Bella again before I began to pace around the room. I was sick of her need for sleep already, and I doubted we'd even made it through half of the night yet. With no other options, I thought about how we had gotten to this little abandoned cabin in the middle of nowhere.

When she had come willingly to the ballet studio, alone as instructed, I had been disappointed. The entire hunt that had such promise to begin with ended up so easy. I thought quickly. Taking Bella not only served as bait for Edward, but if he ever did manage to get her back, I would be able to hunt her down again. All in all, it would prolong the hunt, and even I couldn't predict what was going to happen if I baited Edward. Not to mention that in the mean time, I would be given ample opportunity to try to figure out just what made Bella so important to them.

To be quite honest, I already had an idea. She seemed quiet, but she also teased me. She paid absolutely no attention to the fact that I was a vampire. I found myself drawn to her, liking her, even though I didn't want to. She was endearingly awkward. I wondered which traits she would lose in becoming a vampire.

The thought of what she could become as a vampire, graceful and perfect, gave me pause. I would consider that as a possible final move in the little game we were playing. I doubted Cullen would want her then. He seemed to hate what he was, and I knew he idolized Bella. The first time he saw her hunt they would be over. Even if she didn't want to stay with me by that point, Edward wouldn't want her. He wouldn't have her, and she would have no one. It could be a fittingly awful end where I emerged the winner.

If she did decide to stay with me, well, that could work too. It would be more pain for Edward, although Bella would get off rather easily.

I really was fond of her. I found that I wanted her to like me. I wanted to make her smile and laugh, and that she had been glad when I returned made me ridiculously happy, although I still did not trust her. I would continue to lock her in, possibly for the duration of our stay in the forest. I couldn't afford to let her realize where we were. Regardless, she seemed to enjoy being around me to some degree. I had seen her around Edward; he coddled her and had not given her a chance to really live. I wanted to see her get mad. I wanted to see her break out from her reserved shell and tell me her thoughts, even if it was just that she thought I was a despicable monster. He placed her on a pedestal, and I wanted to neatly topple her off of it for her own sake as much as mine.

Suddenly I realized that I wanted her to stay with me. What did I have to offer her, though? A nomadic life? I wouldn't ever change my diet for her. I did not love her, as poor Eddie thought he did. I looked at myself in one of the mirrors, the bits and pieces of myself reflecting back at me. I lived a wild life, and it showed. I walked closer, inspecting my own crimson eyes in one of the mirrors. I was the polar opposite of the well-groomed, cultured Edward Cullen. If she had fallen in love with him, did I even stand a chance to be her passing fancy? I knew she was constantly comparing me to him, whether she realized it or not. The thought that she was going to find me to be sub-par disturbed me more than I wanted to admit.

With a low snarl, I grabbed the mirror that had been reflecting my eyes at me and crushed it to a fine dust in my fist. I _would_ be enough for Bella.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**


	5. Chapter 5

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE AND DISCLAIMER:**_

_**Stephenie Meyer is the author of Twilight. She owns the characters, and the Twilight Series. I'm just offering an alternate possibility.**_

_**I am eternally grateful to Jmeyer for acting as my beta. **_

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Bella's POV****-**

I did not sleep well the first night at the cabin. I was so confused and stressed; it was a wonder I managed to get any rest at all. I tossed and turned. I dreamed. I could not remember most of them aside from the sickly feeling they left in my stomach. I remembered the one that had woken me up. The dream that was the reason why I now sat straight up in my makeshift bed, my breathing heavy, arms clutching my sides. I was trying desperately not to cry.

_Edward and I were in the meadow, sitting, simply observing one another. I was feathering my fingers across his face, trying to memorize what he looked like so I would have a part of him forever. I knew there was no way he would want to be with me for long. I wanted some part of him to keep with me always, even if it was just the memory of how he looked, how he felt. As my fingers neared his mouth, he turned into James. It was James looking at me with thirsty burgundy eyes like he wished me harm, James shoving my h__and away from his face violently. James crouching in front of me. Before I could react, he was at my neck, biting. He pulled away, wiping a bit of blood from his mouth, and I could feel the burn of the venom. But instead of cry or scream, I smiled up at him, raising my hand to touch his face. It took more effort than I thought, and I assumed it was the effects of the venom. It felt like I was moving in slow motion. Nevertheless, I reached for him, just wanting to touch his face, to let him know it was okay. Then he was Edward again, his perfect features twisted into a look of pure disgust as he got up, turned his back on me, and ran._

I didn't know what had brought the dream on. Well, I had my ideas, but I was no dream analyst. It disturbed me a lot. With a heavy sigh, I unzipped the sleeping bag, swinging my legs off the cot and standing. It was still somewhat dark in the cabin. I could tell the sun was out, but the trees blocked out the majority of the sunlight. I stretched and yawned, stumbling a little when I came out of the stretch. I looked around to make sure no one had seen me out of habit before realizing James wasn't in the room.

He wasn't in the cabin at all.

My heart picked up pace. Had he left me out here? Was this all part of his game? Was I bait? Was he going to just leave me to rot? Had he tricked me? A million thoughts ran through my mind, and I could feel my anxiety rising.

"That sorry, worthless piece of-" I grumbled, kicking at the leg of the cot.

The pain of jamming my toe radiated through my leg, and I gasped.

"Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch!" I yelped, hopping around in agony. I held my foot in my hand; my eyes clenched shut to stop the tears.

I barely had time to register the sound of the door opening and the exasperated sigh that followed before my world turned on its axis, and I was being scooped into the arms of a statue. After a few seconds, I opened one eye to peek at my rescuer. I was still clutching my injured toe in my hands, and my lower lip jutted out in a pretty pronounced pout. James looked back down at me, his expression both annoyed and utterly amused. A smile quirked his lips.

"Put me down," I ordered, glaring at him. Even if he hadn't abandoned me, he was looking way too smug about me having hurt myself. He laughed, tightening his hold on me.

"Not a chance. You're going to hurt yourself again. Can't you humans even get mad without injuring yourself? It's ridiculous." He said ridiculous like he would have preferred to use a worse word but didn't for my benefit. I blushed as I realized he'd heard me begin to complain about him and then gasped indignantly as I registered the rest of what he'd said.

"I am not. I'm perfectly capable of both walking _and_ getting mad without hurting myself! Put me down!" He glanced pointedly down at the foot I still held, so I dropped it quickly, crossing my arms across my chest and glaring at him. "Put. Me. Down."

I felt his arms begin to loosen, and I smiled widely, happy I had won. At the last second he grinned and tightened his grip even more, holding me firmly to his chest.

"No. I need you in one piece, and you don't seem like you're too worried about that. Why would you kick a steel-framed cot?" He sounded genuinely confused at the last part, arching his eyebrows and tilting his head to one side as he looked at me, waiting for an answer.

I just pouted, tucking my chin into my chest and glaring at my foot.

"If you keep making faces like that, it'll get stuck that way," he teased, shaking me a little. "But honestly, why?"

I groaned, turning my face to bury it against his shirt so I could at least hide my blush.

"I was mad," I mumbled, not caring that it was quiet. He would hear me.

"Do you always wake up mad?" he asked, sounding simultaneously confused, amused, and perplexed.

I didn't want to answer, but I'd already given him half the explanation, so I might as well give him the rest. "I thought you had left."

"Bella. There's no fun in getting this far and then leaving," he pointed out, his voice soft.

I frowned. I didn't want his words to hurt me, but they did.

"God, Bella, I'm kidding. Look at me."

I paused a second, wanting to make sure the pain was out of my eyes, before turning my face to look at him.

And then he kissed me.

His eyes were determined. I wondered if he knew that Edward had kissed me and this was just another way he was going to attempt to prove that he was not a lesser "man" than Edward.

His mouth touched mine, waiting to see my reaction. When I didn't vault out of his arms screaming, his lips pressed harder. Whereas Edward had been unbelievably restrained and probably would always be, James underestimated my fragility. I knew my lips would be swollen no matter how short this kiss was from the pressure of his lips against mine. I gasped against his mouth, my body softening in his arms, shifting slightly so I could angle myself closer toward him. He sucked at my lower lip, and I even felt his teeth skim across it, although he was careful enough to not break my skin.

He was uninhibited, which was exactly what I had wanted from Edward. He didn't treat me as if I was made of the most fragile, valuable china, like Edward did. _What about Edward, Bella? _My brain reminded me.

It didn't stop me. It should have. It would have stopped any normal person. But it didn't.

Instead, I wrapped one arm around James' neck, clutching at his hair with my other hand, and threw myself into the kiss. His mouth was hard, demanding. He expected me to give way to what he wanted. When his tongue pressed at the seam of my lips, I parted beneath him. I didn't even consider another option. He plundered my mouth. My body shivered against him at the onslaught of feeling. I knew it was betraying my every responsibility, because I was pressed to tightly to him, but I didn't have it in me to care. Whereas Edward was always alarmed by my reactions and took them as a sign we needed to stop, James seemed to like it. He wanted me to react; he wanted me to tempt him.

I heard a low growl come from him, and I smiled to myself. My breathing was harsh and heavy and seemed to echo in the room, whereas James had simply stopped breathing. He was focused more on kissing me, and I was entirely okay with that. His lips left mine, pressing ice cold kisses that set my nerves on fire along my jaw and down my throat.

When he got to my throat, my muscles shivered again, and I could feel his kisses becoming more insistent. He licked at the skin where it covered the pathway Edward seemed so enamored with and a shudder rocked his body. I clutched tighter to him, afraid he was going to drop me, but he didn't. Despite his focus on my throat, his arms still held me tightly. I felt the touch of his teeth, my body stiffening in his grasp.

I thought I heard him mumble "mine," but it was probably just wishful thinking. He pressed his teeth against my skin, faintly at first, and then slowly increasing the pressure. I felt a twinge of pain, gasping at the sensation, and he stopped. Instead he placed tender kisses on the spot, eventually straightening to look down at the mark he'd left.

I looked up, watching his eyes carefully. He seemed satisfied and fascinated by the imprint his teeth had left on me. He had not broken the layer of my skin, although I was sure he'd been just shy of that point. Then his eyes traveled to my lips, which I knew were swollen, because I could feel the blood pulsing in the skin. His eyes darkened, although it was not the kind of hunger usually responsible for such a change in color.

My breathing slowed after a moment, and he was still focused on the two places still showing the effect of his kissing. The pause had given me time to reconnect with reality, which came crashing down on me suddenly. I loved Edward. Edward wanted to kill James. I had just spent the last several minutes not only kissing James, but also liking it more than I had ever liked kissing Edward. I was the worst kind of traitor. I still loved Edward. None of this had changed that. But I _wanted _James.

James leaned down, nuzzling my neck.

"Bella, Bella, Bella..." he sighed before laughing lightly. He eased me down so I was standing, although he didn't let go of me.

"I should go hunting. We don't want to be taking any risks with that pretty little neck of yours."

He leaned down, giving me a quick kiss. Even that brief touch was rougher, harder than anything I'd ever experienced with Edward. I could feel my heart as it raced, feel the blush as it burned my cheeks. Then he was at the door, locking it behind him, and I could barely see him as he ran off into the woods.

Leaving me here, alone. Locked in with nothing but my treacherous thoughts to keep me company.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Edward's**** POV-**

I raced out of the house, absolutely beating myself up over my failure to protect Bella. I had failed her, and in doing so, proved how utterly worthless I really was. I used every bit of knowledge I had about what happened to try to figure out where she was. I struggled to come up with a plan that would work to save her. But we had essentially nothing to work with. Alice's visions had done nothing but reaffirm why I needed to find her as soon as possible, which I already knew.

The running helped to calm me, which I desperately needed. This entire situation had proved to be too much for me, and I felt as if I was going to snap any second. When running stopped working, I drove. And when the driving stopped working, I went to her room. I sat in the rocking chair and looked around, just reliving our time together through my memories.

I loved Bella. Her blood sang to me, yes, but it was more than that. I felt as if we were the textbook definition of soul mates and so much more. Yet she was gone. My entire existence had oriented itself to her, but now, instead of Bella there was just an empty space. And I had no idea where to go from there.

I wouldn't give up. I couldn't. I didn't want to. Nevertheless, I was completely and utterly lost.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Bella's POV-**

By the time James came back, I wasn't any more certain about how I felt or what I was doing. If anything, I was just more confused. I knew that I had betrayed Edward. However, if given the chance, I knew I'd do it again. I felt awful, because I knew that back in Forks, he was doing everything he could to find his way back to me. Meanwhile, I was sleeping with the enemy. Well, not actually.

_Not yet, anyway, _my conscience quipped.

As I heard the key in the lock, I rolled over on the little cot, where I'd been laying for awhile, so that my back was facing the door. In an attempt to make the cabin feel more livable, I had tried cleaning and done my best given what few resources I had. Tidying the tiny little cabin hadn't taken long, so I laid down. I spent the rest of my time nervously chewing my lip, thinking of Edward, in Forks, worried, undoubtedly both frustrated with his inability to find me and upset because he felt responsible for what had happened. I knew he would take full responsibility. I wondered if he was looking in on Charlie, if they would do their best to hold one another together. I wondered how Alice was, if she was angry with me for leaving.

"Bella?" I heard James' gruff voice call, albeit quietly.

I raised my hand lazily, waving my fingers to acknowledge I'd heard him. I felt drained. The entire situation was stressful enough, and to add my feelings towards James, whatever they were, into the mix? I needed time to figure it out, only I couldn't figure any of it out. I felt a brush of cold against my back and knew he'd walked over to the little cot.

"I got you some books," he offered, sounding confused and uncomfortable.

I smiled in spite of myself. I knew he wasn't sure how to approach this whole "taking care of the human prisoner" thing, but he was being thoughtful, underneath it all. I rolled onto my back, peering up at him.

"Thanks," I acknowledged, looking at the bag by the door.

I really was thankful. The days were going to get boring, quickly, if I didn't have a way to occupy my time. With books, I would be fine. I could read then re-read, if necessary. I reached up, brushing my fingers over the back of his hand.

"Really, thank you."

He shifted his weight back and forth again, and I knew he wasn't sure how to deal with the situation. Despite only being around one another for a relatively short time, I was getting pretty good at reading him, I realized with a little smirk.

I tugged at his hand, pulling him toward the little makeshift bed. It was selfish, yes. I hoped that with his arms around me, so much like Edward's (although also incredibly different), I would finally be able to sleep. If he was that close, I would know if he left. And, yes, I wanted him there.

"C'mon. Lay down. It won't kill you," I teased, scooting over.

I saw the perplexed look on his face as he eased onto the bed, his posture stiff against my back when I rolled over.

"Relax, James. I'm not going to ravish you while your defenses are down."

He laughed, and I could feel his chest move against my back. I tugged his arm over my waist then snuggled into the sleeping bag.

"Goodnight," I whispered, not turning my head to see his reaction.

"Night," came his rough reply.

I smiled, sighing as I shut my eyes. I realized that I was in a bigger mess than I'd originally thought. Worse yet, I didn't even really care.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**


	6. Chapter 6

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE AND DISCLAIMER:**_

_**Stephenie Meyer is the author of Twilight. She owns the characters, and the Twilight Series. I'm just offering an alternate possibility.**_

_**I am eternally grateful to Jmeyer for acting as my beta.**_

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Bella's POV-**

_I wake up to the feel of ice-cold lips at the nape of my neck. There isn't much pressure behind them, and I wonder for a second if he expected to wake me. I don't move beyond squeezing his hand; our fingers became interlaced as I slept. I'm hoping he'll write it off as something I would do while sleeping. His kisses trace randomly across the skin on the back of my neck, his pace lazy. A nip here, a soft kiss there, a little lick followed by a light blow of his breath. I shiver against him, feeling every touch clear to the pit of my stomach. _

_He doesn't seem to know I'm awake or at least he isn't acknowledging it. His hand slips from mine to find the hem of my shirt, edging it upwards so that when he curves his hand over my hips, he only touches bare skin. I can't help but shiver again, a mix of my reactions to his cold hand and the sensations from his touch. Then, as he anchors my hips in place, I feel him shift against me, almost grinding. I gasp before I can even think to stop myself. My cover of being asleep has been blown anyways, so I soon find myself shimmying slightly against him._

_"Oh, so you're ready to admit you're awake, you little minx?" he murmurs into my ear, nibbling lightly at the edge of it when he finishes with his question. _

_I moan softly then shake my head, feeling mischievous. I feel his laughter rumbling through his chest against my back as his lips move, pressing a wet kiss to the spot right below my ear. _

_"Beelllaaaaa," he croons, but his voice is wrong... it is... Edward's. _

_I open my eyes with a start, only to find myself looking into the bemused golden eyes of the one and only Edward Cullen. _

_"Having an interesting dream?" he questions. He presses his hand over my heart where he can feel it race against his palm. _

_"Your heart feels like it's going to jump out of your chest, Bella." His voice sounds almost disappointed, like he is chiding an unruly child, but his eyes are still warm and adoring. Then he dips his head to kiss me and his lips are soft, coaxing. I part my lips beneath his, kissing him back. The usual zing of electricity races across my nerves, but it feels all wrong. _

_None of this is right._

I woke up startled. My heart was beating quickly, and my stomach was knotted with a mix of arousal and anxiety. I wasn't sure what I was to make of the dream. I wasn't even sure I was really awake. I opened one eye first, then the other, and looked around as much as I could without moving. I saw the ratty arm of the old couch. The wall covered in those little mirrors. The plastic bag full of books near the outer edge of the room. The pale legs tangled with mine. Sunlight had brightened the room, and I could see the dust motes dancing in the air in front of my face. I was trying to establish whether it all seemed real or not—whether or not I was still dreaming, in essence. Then again, both dreams had felt incredibly real too. I doubted the reality of now, especially when I actually did feel James' lips move against the base of my neck. The fact that I could doubt it mollified me slightly. Unlike the dream, it was just kisses raining down on my neck.

"Good morning," he mumbled. His voice sounded thick and gravelly, rough in the way that usually indicated the speaker had just woken up. I knew this wasn't true for James, however. His voice just always sounded rough and grumpy. It was unbelievably sexy in an entirely different way than the smooth, musical tone of Edward's voice.

My entire body tensed, and I felt like I was going to jump out of my skin. The feeling from my dream returned. This was wrong; everything was wrong. The place was wrong. The feelings were wrong. The vampire was wrong. I was wrong.

I had to still be dreaming. This entire thing had to be a dream. Edward was going to shake me awake any minute, kiss me, and laugh at me when I asked if vampires really played baseball. I shut my eyes again, willing myself to wake up, still strung incredibly tight. I felt my hands shaking. My heart beat out of control.

"Bella, what's wrong?" I heard James ask as he nuzzled the spot below my ear.

I jumped up from the cot, practically running to the bathroom. I needed a chance to think and figure things out. I paused in the doorway and turned to smile briefly at James.

"Nothing is wrong; I just really need a human moment. I'll be out shortly."

I felt bad. James was trying. He was doing his best, and I had been the one to ask him to lay with me. I had kissed him back the day before only to jump out of bed like he'd shocked me this morning.

No amount of pity was going to organize my thoughts. I was confused. My heart went from aching, because I missed Edward, to soaring, because I was spending time with James. The rapid changes were killing me. I turned on the faucet at full power and splashed some water onto my face. This was all such a mess. I loved Edward, and yet it was useless to deny caring for James. And what about dreaming of him touching me like that, of wanting more? Being disappointed when I woke up and realized it was just my imagination? I felt like I was going to vomit.

I was the worst person to ever walk the face of the earth, and I did not deserve either Edward or James.

The realization that I could not willingly give up either one of them even though I didn't deserve them sent my heart plummeting.

I watched the water run down the drain and let the rushing sound calm my anxiety as the tears flowed freely down my face.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**James' POV-**

I looked at the closed bathroom door, clenching my fists against the rage. The rejection stung like a slap in the face, although she'd said it was just a human thing. I had moved to the corner further from the little cot as soon as she got up, and now I shifted to glare at it. Stupid thing. If she hadn't asked me to lay with her, if I hadn't let her seeming affection get to me, I wouldn't be feeling so betrayed right now. There wouldn't be this awful feeling of rejection gnawing at my chest while regret consumed my thoughts. I took a deep breath, gritting my teeth together. I was not going to lose my control, for Bella's sake. It took every ounce of willpower to keep myself from snapping. It didn't even seem worth the bother, in actuality. She wasn't interested.

_She wasn't interested._

I punched my own palm, the loud noise cracking through the room. I was doing my best to care for her, and she _wasn't interested. _The realization hurt, although I'd never admit it to anyone else. I wanted her to want me. I wanted to be more than a stand-in for her little boyfriend. It appeared that was all she thought I was good for.

The rational part of my brain tried to insist that she was just having a difficult time. She and Cullen had been in love, they claimed. I'd been with her for less than two weeks. Could I expect a complete transition in that time?

In reality, I knew I couldn't. Nevertheless, my patience was worn threadbare, and I wanted nothing more than to just get the entire fucking game over with. It was beginning to cost me, and that was something I would not tolerate.

_Give her a little more time, _my more rational half insisted.

I relaxed my fists and took a few deep breaths just to calm myself. I could do this. I knew I could. What could this little human girl possibly do to hurt me?

With one final meditative breath, I squared my shoulders and raised my chin so I was looking back at the bathroom door. Smiling. I would be accepting of Bella's little problems, for now. She couldn't hurt me. She had no power over me. I was going to win this game.

Now if only I believed what I was telling myself.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Bella's POV- **

I finally emerged from the bathroom a good twenty minutes later. After I finished crying, I had to let my eyes calm down so I didn't _look_ like I'd been crying. I'd used the time to shower quickly. The lukewarm water did little to ease my tension. Regardless, I was clean and had on fresh clothes. That was going to have to be good enough for the moment.

"I thought I was going to have to come in a look for you," James teased when I opened the door. It sounded forced.

I felt every bit of tension snap back into place, my smile stiff as I looked at him.

"No, sorry. I just decided to shower, is all."

I walked into the room and put my dirty clothes by the other set, turning my back to James as I did so. I didn't want to look at him. I didn't want to think about the butterflies he inspired in the pit of my stomach. I didn't want to think about betraying Edward, about wanting to betray him. But I couldn't help it. I sighed as I stood, walking so I could straighten the cot. I felt James' eyes on me but refused to look at him. Willing myself to be strong for everyone-- for myself, for Edward, for James.

"Bella." I heard James say, his voice making it sound almost like a question.

I looked at him over my shoulder, my smile full of "_I'm sorry_"s and "_I can't_"s.

"I don't feel so well today, James. I'm sorry. I'm going to sit and read, I think, if that's alright with you?" Of course it wasn't the truth, but I didn't think I could face James and all the emotions looming over us. I needed to escape from the feelings, lose myself again in one of the classics, in the lives and dilemmas of the people in _Wuthering Heights_.

I saw his face twist with disapproval but he nodded. "That's fine. Read. I hope you feel better."

The wish didn't reach his voice, and I felt my stomach knot in tension. I smiled at him again, and then with a little wave, he was gone. I didn't even go over to check the door. I knew he had locked it. He was playing a game, mastering a hunt, and I was just his prisoner. All of which made it even worse that I was actually caring for him.

I grabbed the first book from the bag. I barely managed to climb onto the cot and lay down before the tears started falling.

I almost laughed when I heard the answering rain begin to fall on the roof of the cabin. How appropriate.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Edward's POV- **

We were in school again when I felt Alice's hand on my shoulder, trying to pull my attention from Bella's empty chair. I turned to glare at her. Her visions had done nothing but make this entire thing worse. They hadn't helped me once. All I knew was Bella could be in any secluded forest. She flinched at my expression, and I immediately felt bad. This was hard on her too. Alice loved Bella and wanted her back. It was killing her that her visions weren't helping anything.

"I had a vision," she whispered sadly.

I felt the grimace twist my face as I nodded. I focused all of my attention on Alice's thoughts as she led me through the vision.

Bella, in a bathroom. It was dark. I could hear a storm raging outside. She looked sad, tortured, and afraid as she listened to whatever was going on on the other side of the door. Suddenly, she scrambled backwards, twisting her ankle and falling to the ground. Her head bounced off of the wall behind her. I watched in horror as the door flew open, revealing a very angry looking Victoria. Then the vision stopped.

Almost every mind in the room registered alarm, fear even, at the look on my face as I stormed out of the cafeteria yet again. Surely these visions were going to help us somehow. There was something that would help us find Bella. I knew it. I just had to figure out what.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Bella's POV-**

James returned precisely as I shut the first book and flipped it over to brush my hand fondly over the front cover. I felt his eyes on me and even saw his smile from the corner of my eye, although I didn't acknowledge it.

Reading the book had allowed me to forget my own dilemmas for the most part and simply focus on some fictional world. It had provided me with an escape, a world where I didn't have to think about falling in love with my captor, betraying my soul mate, being the lowest person ever. I hadn't thought about any of it while I was reading, although it crashed back into me with the force of a freight train as soon as I shut the book.

So I slept, hoping to escape those thoughts again. Of course that didn't work. My dreams tortured me, and I awoke with my heart beating fast, feeling sick to my stomach.

The next few days passed in the same manner. I didn't ask James to lay with me again, and he didn't kiss me.

I ignored James for the most part, and he returned the favor.

I could feel the tension crackling through the air but did nothing to dispel it. Once in awhile we would joke or tease one another without even realizing it, and the silence afterwards was always worse. He hunted every day. His eyes were always a vivid scarlet when he walked back into the cabin. Sometimes I would find myself smiling at him when he wasn't paying attention, the butterflies filling my stomach. Sometimes I would look up, feeling his eyes on me, and catch him grinning at me as hunger burned in his eyes. For the majority of the time, we did our best to ignore one another.

The morning of the day that would change it all started like any other. I wonder if, had I known how the day was going to end, I would have been able to pinpoint a warning sign… a breaking point… something. It seemed just like any other morning. I had no reason to believe that day would be any different than any of the past few days.

I was dead wrong.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**


	7. Chapter 7

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE AND DISCLAIMER:**_

_**Stephenie Meyer is the author of Twilight. She owns the characters, and the Twilight Series. I'm just offering an alternate possibility.**_

_**I am eternally grateful to Jmeyer for acting as my beta. **_

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Edward's POV-**

I was sitting on Bella's bed, legs crossed, fingers pinching the bridge of my nose, when the pieces of the puzzle finally began to click. Alice's visions had proved that Bella was alive, that James was keeping her prisoner someplace. Some place that was secluded, in the woods. A place where it rained. James was baiting me. Ultimately, he wanted to see how far my family and I would go to rescue her. How well we could work through clues to find her. How hard we would fight to get her back. He wanted me to find Bella. Therefore, finding her was not impossible. It would have defeated his very purpose in taking her.

I shifted my hands, my fingers in a steeple in front of my face. My mind worked quickly, and if I were human, I was sure my cheeks would be flushed with the excitement of finally making a connection that would bring my Bella back to me. My sorrow over her kidnapping had clouded my brain, and finally, I was connecting the dots. I jumped up from the bed, craving a pen and paper to write my thoughts down, although I didn't need it. I rifled through Bella's desk, secluding the sadness of the action to the back of my mind so I wouldn't lose my train of thought. "Aha!" I announced to the room triumphantly when I found a notebook and pen. I sat back down on the bed, flipped the book open, and began to think.

The most important thing was that James wanted me to find Bella. He wanted me to have to fight him for her. There was no pleasure for him in tricking a human girl. The pleasure would be in showing me my own weakness, beating me. Moreover, in beating me, he would have defeated the entire Cullen family in a way, which would appeal to his ego, because we were arguably the strongest family aside from the Volturi.

I brought Alice's visions to mind, focusing on them in the order she'd seen them.

*****

_In my mind, in Alice's mind, I saw Bella. Her hair was limp around her face, skin paler than usual, wearing the same clothes I presumed she had left Alice and Jasper in. Dark circles around her eyes as she pounded, clawed even, at the apparently locked windows of a tiny, dirty room. She looked mad, and afraid, but she was alive!_

This was simply Bella, in a small room. It was fairly clean, although I had at first written it off as dirty; the dust made it appear dingy, cheap, forgotten. It was obvious it had been abandoned. A couch, very worse-for-the-wear. Mirrors, everywhere. Reflecting Bella in some, the scene outside the window in others. I did my best to ignore the distress she was in, instead focusing on the details. Outside the window, I saw trees, leaves. Stupid, seemingly irrelevant leaves. The leaves would help identify the area. I listened for any background noise or animals outside but heard only Bella. So she was in a small building that hadn't been used in awhile. It was in the woods, away from traffic. Wildlife did not run rampant, and the cabin did not appear to be over grown, from what I could gather through the windows.

*****

_James, over Bella. He had no shirt on, and it appeared that Bella was almost completely nude. It was clear what he intended, his mouth trailing down Bella's neck, across her chest, but her nails were scraping down his back, across his face, looking for purchase, useless against his vampire skin. They looked almost like they were fighting against one another. Bella looked absolutely furious, passionate, a complete transformation from the quiet, reserved girl I knew. But she did not appear to be willing._

My fists clenched as I remembered that particular vision, the venom absolutely pooling in my mouth. Every muscle in my body was coiled, ready to spring on James, the tension nearly vibrating off of me. Of course, James was not anywhere I could get to him. Not yet. I tried to shut my eyes to the action in the scene, knowing any little detail would help. Surely this vision had something to contribute to finding Bella, aside from imparting in me a definite sense of urgency. They were against the door, next to the window. I focused on the window, taking a deep breath to calm myself. I'd already seen the actions, and it was useless to try to hear anything beyond the obvious. If I could just get a sign of animal life. As if answering my prayers, a canine loped past the window, nearly invisible in the dark. I made a mental note of its existence, committing it's appearance to memory.

*****

The next vision inspired an equally negative reaction in me, although it was of an entirely different sort. Instead of being preoccupied by wanting to murder the vampire, I was more concerned for Bella. The fear hit me in the gut unexpectedly, making me feel almost sick.

_Bella, in a bathroom. It was dark; I could hear a storm raging outside. She looked sad, tortured, and afraid as she listened to whatever was going on the other side of the door. Suddenly, she scrambled backwards, twisting her ankle and falling to the ground, her head bouncing off the wall behind her. I watched in horror as the door flew open, revealing a very angry looking Victoria._

The storm. I knew that was the main key here. The rest of it did nothing but make me fear for Bella; the storm, on the other hand, combined with what I had learned of the cabin's location, would help me narrow down the possibilities. I would ask Alice to focus. Please, for me, focus. If she could just get the slightest idea of a time for the last vision, I knew it would give us some semblance of a location. Once I had used my other "clues" to get possibilities, it would be a matter of matching those areas to storm areas at the given time frame. It wouldn't be easy, and it wouldn't be completely accurate, but it would give us a place to start. It would give us more than we had before.

I tore the pages from the notebook and slipped out of Bella's window, racing home to research. Feeling my soul lift at the first shred of hope I'd had in days.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Bella's POV-**

_The morning of the day that would change it all started like any other. I wonder if, had I known how the day was going to end, I would have been able to pinpoint a warning sign. A breaking point. Something. But really, it seemed just like any other morning. I had no reason to believe that day would be any different than any of the past few days._

_I was so wrong._

I came out from the bathroom after showering and changing into yet another stolen outfit, my hair looped into a messy bun at the back of my head. I tripped through the doorway, cursing under my breath. James's low chuckle caught me off guard. I had been expecting him to be gone by the time I was finished with my "human moments." I looked up and over at him, my eyes questioning.

"Bella. I'm tired of this," he began, looking almost angry. My heart sank at his words. So this was it, then. He'd finally tired of his little game. I opened my mouth to speak, and he held his hand up. I glared at him, annoyed by the gesture, my cheeks flushing. But I shut my mouth.

"I'm tired of the tension," he clarified, taking a step toward me. His hands were stretched to either side, his stance relaxed, as if trying to will me to believe that he meant no threat. "I'm not the most eloquent person ever, Bella. I'm not refined; I'm not cultured, and I'm not so very booksmart." He paused to grin at me.

"I'm not going to ask you to forgive those things, because I don't mind them. But those have nothing to do with the fact that I like you. And you like me. And we're _good together_." He crept slowly towards me with every word, and I felt not unlike prey must feel while being stalked by a predator. He was within touching distance when he leaned forward, getting his mouth as close as he could without touching me. "You can't deny chemistry like ours," he whispered, smirking wickedly. I shivered, tilting my head in his direction.

Edward always called himself a monster, claiming even on the best days that if he was not a monster, there was still one that lurked within him. I knew now, in this moment, that he was wrong. I was the monster. Only a monster could love someone as perfect as Edward as much as I did and still be able to push that aside when faced with whatever this was existing between James and I. Whatever these feelings were, the caring and the electricity that raced across my skin. Every nerve in my body was awake, ready, waiting eagerly for James to touch me. I felt my heart's pace pick up and blushed in embarrassment.

"Friends?" I insisted, thrusting my hand between us, hoping to force him to back up. He eyed my hand, shaking his head and chuckling, although he shook it.

"Fine. Friends, for now." I smiled, much happier with this development than I wanted to admit. My nerves still tingled, calling for him, wanting his touch. I slipped away from him, walking into the middle of the room. I looked back at him and was startled when I saw how intense his eyes were. He still looked downright predatory as he walked towards me, and I found myself backing up, although this just made his wicked smile grow.

"What do you want to do today, friend?" he asked, his voice teasing. I blushed, shrugging.

"Um, go for a walk?" I suggested hesitantly, looking out the window. It must already be after noon, although it was hard to tell with the tree coverage. James shook his head, stalking ever closer.

"No, you're a prisoner, remember? I'm keeping you here under lock and key." I felt my skin heat at his voice, appalled with my own reaction. He was saying things that should be making me mad, but he was saying them as if he was talking dirty to me, and my body was reacting as if he were doing the latter. I was near the front door now, and James had again managed to get within touching distance.

"This is so wrong." I whispered as I closed the distance between us, wrapping my arms around James's neck. He seemed slightly shocked, but he got over it quickly. Our lips met, already parted for one another, his kiss rough, needy, punishing almost. Any harder and he would have bruised my lips, I was sure. The more rational side of me cried out in distress, _What about Edward? _But I silenced it. James held my life in his hands. He had earned this. I pressed my body to his as tightly as I could, gasping against his lips when I felt his arousal against my stomach. My fingers dug into his shoulders as I shifted against him, just wanting a way to relieve the feeling I felt coiling in the pit of my stomach.

I heard a snap, and realized James had broken my hair band as my hair tumbled around my face, curled from the bun. His hands dove through it, grabbing a handful, although he did nothing more than anchor my mouth to his. I felt anxious, like I was going to crawl out of my skin if I didn't get his hands on me and my hands on him. I tore at his shirt, then mine, unable to make up my mind about which needed to be off first. He chuckled against our kiss, breaking away. "Shirt. Off," he insisted, as he peeled his own over his head. I took mine off, not even concerned about appearing in front of him in the bra. Hell, he'd picked it out, as well as the panties, so it was useless.

As soon as the shirts were off, we came together again, hands roaming each other's bodies. He urged us both backwards, and I felt the door against my back. His hands were cold on my over-heated flesh, and I imagined my warm hands felt excellent on his cool skin. His lips slid away from mine, pressing ice-cold kisses along my cheekbone and then trailing down my jaw. I tilted my head back, moaning as he put one knee in between my legs. _What about Edward?!_ My conscience screamed at me. I was helpless, lost to the feelings James inspired in me. I wanted to hurt him, harm him, as much as he was hurting me by making me feel this way. My nails scraped down his back, even though I knew it wouldn't actually do anything to his vampire skin. Instead of being deterred, he arched into my touch. I smiled automatically, thrilled to get that reaction from him.

My emotions were so out of control. I was almost delirious with want for James. I was so mad, absolutely infuriated with myself and my lack of control. I was going to hurt them both, James and Edward, in some manner. I knew I would. But I couldn't make myself stop. His mouth felt too good, his hands too skilled; my nerves were too wired to his touch to even want to stop.

"Stop thinking," he growled, his mouth back on mine. The kiss harder, definitely punishing this time. So I just gave in. My mouth was soft, hot beneath his, and I just accepted what he gave. His hand curved around my breast, thumb brushing over my bra and the nipple beneath before I even had a chance to react. I shivered violently in his arms, the coolness of his finger on that sensitive place shocking me clear to my core.

His eyes were dark as he pulled away, just watching my face as he unclasped my bra and let it fall away, his other hand lazily stroking along the length of my thigh. My breathing was loud, heavy, and I noticed his was as well, despite not needing the oxygen. I blushed furiously as I realized he could smell the very definite reaction I was having to him between my legs, especially since he was breathing in so much air, smelling so much. But he didn't seem to mind at all. I shut my eyes, leaning my head back against the door again, simply giving myself over to sensation.

"Bella," he growled; I almost skyrocketed clear out of his arms at the next feeling: his mouth, wet and cold, closing over the nipple of the breast he hadn't been touching. I tangled my fingers in his hair, holding his face to me. I felt myself becoming wetter and didn't even have it in me to be embarrassed as I rocked against his leg. I stilled when I felt the cool touch of his fingers at the waistband of my jeans, unbuttoning them and slipping below, just to rest against my heated flesh. He didn't move his fingers at all, just touched my skin. It felt like everything I had was focused on that one location. As his finger finally slipped between the folds, I sobbed his name, my muscles tense, every shift of his fingers sending me hurtling further and further down a dark path I'd never ventured before.

Then James was gone, and I almost collapsed. His hand found my shoulder, steadying me as he tried to remove my jeans.

"Foot," he murmured, slipping the jeans down, then, "other foot." I shifted accordingly, and then, thankfully, he was back.

I felt one cold finger slip into me, his thumb circling the pinpoint of all the sensations. He eased a second finger in, working me on his hand, and I couldn't help the sounds that were coming from my throat. I felt myself racing down that path again, too fast, everything was moving too fast, I just needed a second to catch my breath, and I couldn't. I grabbed James's wrist, trying to force him away, and then it was over. The climax crashed over me, my muscles shaking around him, a million tiny lights flashing before my eyes. I could try for forever to describe it and still fail. It was of the same concept as touching myself, but so, so much more.

Before I even had a chance to think, James was shedding his pants; my panties were torn to pieces on the floor below me. He raised me against the door, using his hands to guide my legs to his waist. "Bella, Bella, I need you, Bella," he murmured, raining kisses all over my face and neck in between his words, hands smoothing down my sides now that I'd locked my legs around him. My mind was still fuzzy, but it cleared immediately when I felt him begin to push against my entrance.

I raised my eyes to look at his eyes and was shocked by what I saw. There was lust, yes. He was very intense. There was also the thirst for my blood, which he'd done very well in avoiding in our time together. But there was something else, something more.

I stopped thinking about it as he rocked his hips again, moving deeper inside me. I felt the burn begin to start and braced myself. "Just go," I whispered, pressing a kiss to his lips. So he did. Somewhat roughly, he just went, pushing his length into me. I gasped at the pain, my legs tightening around his waist. He paused only a second before he drew out of me, shoving back in hard and fast. _This isn't lovemaking; this isn't Edward,_ my conscience reminded me smugly. _This is fucking. This is what you wanted._

I realized that the coolness of his length helped ease some of the discomfort, as did his fingers between my legs, working that little button again. Before long, the burning pain was gone, replaced by an altogether different burn, an icy burn, if such a thing existed, one that raced deliciously along my nerve endings. One hand fell from where it was fisted in his hair to scrape down his back again, as I rocked my hips against his. The tiny room was filled with my gasps and moans, his occasional animalistic groan roughly contrasting to my higher tone. We weren't gentle. He moved smoothly in and out of me, hard and slightly faster than a human would ever have attempted, ravaging my mouth at the same time, while his fingers continued to work between my legs. It was sensory overload, James and sex everywhere, my brain absolutely full of it.

I was close; I could feel the sensation coiling tighter and tighter in the pit of my stomach again, but I tightened my grasp on James, refusing to go again unless he went with me. I felt his pace increase, hand on my hip squeezing tightly before I felt him twitch inside of me. With a low groan he threw his head back, finally letting go. I was awestruck at the sight of him in the middle of an orgasm, finally it was all too much again, and I let go.

******

When I woke up, it was dark outside. We were both lying on the cot, and James was wrapped around me, his fingers dancing lazily across my skin. "Hello," he murmured, his voice almost disgustingly smug. I turned in his arms so I could face him, smiling contentedly.

"Mm, hello," I acknowledged, resting my chin on his chest. It didn't even unnerve me to look into the red depths of his eyes anymore. They were just part of James. I winced as his hand traveled over my hip.

"You're bruised," he informed me, not sounding apologetic. "You should have expected that though. I could just as easily have broken your bones."

I shrugged, stretching my legs to assess how sore I was. "I know. I was willing to take that risk." James nodded, accepting my answer in a way Edward had always been unable to do. The thought of Edward made my heart pang, and I felt the now familiar anxiety tighten my throat. I pushed it aside or did my best to. He frowned as the anxiety showed on my face, leaning to kiss me, the kiss slow, although passionate.

"Go to sleep," he urged, using his hands to roll me over so we spooned together.

I lay there for a while just gathering my thoughts. Two Bellas were quickly emerging in myself, I realized. The fiery, teasing Bella that wanted James, craved even, and the shy Bella who was completely devoted to Edward. I was in love with Edward. But for some reason, that wasn't stopping me from growing to love James. I felt James's arms tighten around me, his lips pressed to my shoulder, and I sighed, shutting my eyes. Willing myself to go to sleep. To just accept what was happening and sort it all out later.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Edward's POV-**

I couldn't believe my eyes. I scrolled quickly through the webpage, using Google to find more evidence. The canine I'd seen in Alice's vision was native to the Northwest region of the United States. I couldn't pinpoint where Bella was yet or even narrow it down enough to search for her until Alice succeeded in identifying a time for the vision containing Victoria. But she was close. The bastard had hidden her right under my nose.

I slammed the laptop shut, clenching and unclenching my fists. I was so close I could feel it. Bella was almost within reach. Finding my love, my soul mate, was actually a feasible outcome now. The excitement hummed through my body, and my eyes danced anxiously around, eager for an outlet. Music wouldn't satisfy me, I knew. But what would? I knew... with a pleased hum I jumped away from my desk, Esme barely acknowledging me as I breezed past her, running as fast as I could.

Finally, I had a starting point.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**


	8. Chapter 8

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE AND DISCLAIMER:**_

_**Stephenie Meyer is the author of Twilight. She owns the characters, and the Twilight Series. I'm just offering an alternate possibility.**_

_**I am eternally grateful to Jmeyer for acting as my beta. **_

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Bella's POV-**

I didn't dream that night. My mind was blissfully free of the torturous nightmares I'd been having, and instead, I actually got some sleep. In fact, I really just wanted to sleep for forever. That plan was ruined when I felt the cool touch of James's lips breaking through the fog of sleep. He had shifted me so I was on my back, his hips nestled in between my legs, although he was being fairly careful not to rest his weight on me.

"Please wake up," he murmured quietly against my neck, his kisses gaining in pressure.

I grumbled in protest, although his lips on my skin felt fantastic. Couldn't he have waited until I wanted to wake up?

"I'm up, I'm up," I mumbled, stretching beneath him as much as I could.

"So am I," he growled, nipping lightly at my neck while he chuckled. The joke caught me off guard, and I laughed, shaking my head.

"I should have expected that joke, hm?" I finally opened my eyes, looking out the window.

It was still fairly dark out. I felt rejuvenated, even if I'd only slept for a few hours. James had done well waiting for me to get _some_ sleep. He wasn't the most patient person, I knew, so I was proud of him. Even if he had woken me up before I wanted to. Plus, this was not an altogether awful way to wake up.

He raised his head to meet my eyes, grinning and nodding. "You really should have." Then his eyes became more serious, his tone dropping before he continued. "Are you too sore?"

I frowned, confused at first, my mind still working to wake up, before I realized what he meant. My mouth formed an "o" as the understanding dawned on me, and I shifted beneath him again to try to figure out just how sore I was. Humming contently, automatically, when I came into contact with his cool skin. I saw the hunger darken his eyes, doing my best to ignore the pride it encouraged in me. I was sore but not excessively so.

"No. I'm not too sore," I whispered, running my hands along his sides.

"Thank God," he groaned as he bent his head to kiss me, every bit as fiery as it had been the day before. Demanding that my lips part for him, before he ravaged my mouth with his tongue.

I couldn't shake the feeling that he was claiming me, possessing me, branding me as his. I wanted to remind him he'd already claimed me in ways Edward refused to but didn't want to bring Edward up. I felt the familiar pain in my heart at the thought of him, pushing it aside as James's mouth became rougher on mine, insisting that I answer him with the same heat I had before. So I did. I poured myself into the kiss, my breathing becoming harder by the minute. He pulled away to let me catch my breath after a few minutes, his forehead resting against mine. I grinned at him, catching his lower lip in between my teeth and then sucking at it.

James groaned, his eyes focused on mine as he trailed his hand down my body, down, down, down until I felt his touch feather across where I wanted it.

"Show me you want it," he ordered, his fingers trailing upward, away from me.

I gasped in protest, my hand holding his still. Not that it would have made any difference if he wanted to stop; I couldn't stop him, his strength was far beyond mine. But his hand stilled, his gaze hot on my face as he waited for my next move. I moved my hand to his stomach, reaching. I wrapped my fingers around his length and everything in him froze.

I felt myself blush, unsure what to do now. I realized that I was just a plain girl, especially in comparison to Victoria. Sure, I served a purpose now, but I was no seductress. This was all very new to me. My experience was nonexistent.

"Show me," I echoed, my voice shaky as I looked at him.

I saw something then, in his eyes, a flicker of... I don't know what. Emotion? Tenderness? Neither seemed like James, though.

Then his hand covered mine, gently, and he began to move both of our hands, his force on my hand soft but insistent. His eyes pressed shut, his breathing stopped completely as he guided me. I hummed again in contentment as I touched him, unbelievably pleased by his reaction to my touch. I felt my breathing increasing in pace, even though he wasn't really touching me, felt the blush still burning my cheeks.

He looked like he'd turned to stone, every muscle held completely still except the arm and hand guiding me. After awhile, I noticed he wasn't really guiding me, just resting over my hand, feeling my movements. Then he let go, holding himself entirely still as I touched him. He groaned, the sudden sound catching me off-guard again, and then he was touching me, one finger plunged into me as he caressed the pinpoint of my nerves with his thumb. I cried out, the surprise of his sudden move combined with the pleasure I felt just from touching him sending me tumbling into a climax.

While I was still coming down from the internal explosion of sensation, his hand was forcing mine away, and he drove into me. I looked into his hooded gaze, his face tight as he felt the aftereffects of my climax on him, my muscles still quivering as he started to move. Again, it was none of the slow, leisurely lovemaking most girls imagined. His pace was quick, hard, and I still could not shake the feeling that he was trying to mark me.

"Bella, Bella, Bella," he murmured, burying his face in the curve of my neck. He continued, his rough voice muffled, just repeating my name as he worked in and out of me.

I wrapped my arms tightly around him, moaning when his hand dipped between us again. I felt the feelings begin to grow, snowballing into something bigger than both of us, and then I came again, clinging tightly to James, yelling his name. He thrust a few more times and then followed after me with one last hard push, groaning against the flesh of my neck. He rolled us over so I was lying on his chest, still deep inside me, our arms wrapped tightly around one another.

A few minutes later, when my breathing and heart rate finally returned to normal, I raised my head to smile down at him. "Um... good morning."

He looked surprised, a grin curving his lips before he erupted into laughter, the action rocking me against his body. "I'll say!"

Next thing I knew, he had rolled us over, and the entire process started again.

***********

"C'mon. We both need to shower," I urged, tugging at his hand as I stood next to the bed.

"Why, too dirty for you?" James replied, that wicked grin now almost always on his face. He crooked a finger, and I bent down so my ear was close to his lips. "I've got news for you, Bella Swan. I'm just getting started. You haven't even seen dirty yet."

The sound of laughter, both mine and James's filled the room, before I ran into the bathroom. Naturally, he beat me there, his stance predatory although it inspired a feeling that was definitely not fear in the pit of my stomach.

Turns out, he really was just getting started.

***********

I was sitting on the cot, eyeing James skeptically as I dried my hair. He was perched on the arm of the ratty couch, wearing only jeans and looking way hotter than I wanted to admit.

"Maybe you should just stay over there. Every time you get within a foot of me, we just end up back in bed."

He arched an eyebrow at me, eyes traveling to the front door and then the bathroom door significantly.

"Err, I mean figuratively," I added, the blush warming my cheeks again.

He laughed, pushing off from the couch and walking to where I was. He crouched in front of me, his eyes warm as he took the towel from me and rubbed my head.

"Don't worry. While I could go again, you need your rest, and I have some things to do today."

He draped the towel around his neck, eyeing me. He dipped his head, pressing a kiss to my knee through my jeans. I glared at him, although my heartbeat picked up. Then I realized he said he was going to leave.

"Can I come with you?" I questioned lightly, acting like it wasn't really that big of a deal. "I'm just getting kind of tired of being cooped up. This is no gilded cage." I joked.

He chuckled, and then stood, pausing half way to drop a kiss on my forehead.

"Cute, but no." His voice held no apology, although he did sound amused. "Prisoner, remember? We're not going to make it any easier for your Edward to find you." He shrugged, walking to the bag of clothes. He pulled a dark green t-shirt out, slipping it over his head as he spoke.

"Maybe if you're good today, and I get back in time, we'll go for a walk in the woods later."

I couldn't help but stare at the way the shirt pulled across James's chest, and when I realized what I'd been doing, I looked up to find him watching me, the amused smirk still on his face. He pointed to the corner of his mouth, his voice shaking with laughter as he said, "You've got a little something there. Drool?"

I blushed, throwing my pillow at him as hard as I could. Of course, he caught it, and then placed it back on the bed lightly.

"I'll be back later," he said, and then he was gone.

I glared at the door as it shut, throwing myself back on the cot. I wanted to hate James. He was absolutely infuriating. He was holding me prisoner. This was all a game to him. He teased me, and he hated that I was human. He wasn't Edward. But his hands on my body felt like nothing else, and his kisses melted my bones, and he wasn't afraid of breaking me. He didn't just let me win. He didn't cater to me. And, of course, he wasn't Edward.

I rolled over, groaning as I buried my face in the pillow. Since when had life become so complicated?

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Edward's POV-**

"Please, Alice, just try one more time," I plead, walking a few steps behind her as she trailed through the woods.

We were both on our way to hunt. The wind whipped through the trees, the sky dark above us. It was going to storm later.

"Alice. Please."

I just wanted her to try to pinpoint the timeframe for the vision of Victoria and Bella that she had had. My mind sped, trying to figure out some way to appeal to the baser side of my dear sister.

"You may have my expense card for an entire month! Imagine the shopping you could do with both of our funds. Please Alice?"

She turned around suddenly, hands on her hips. "Edward! You are absolutely insufferable! I've already tried. I will try one more time, on three conditions."

She paused, and I nodded, willing to agree to anything.

"Okay, number 1: You will not ask again. I want to find her too, Edward. After this, you leave me alone, acknowledge I'm doing my best and back off."

I nodded again, feeling slightly guilty. I knew Alice wanted Bella back, too. She loved Bella.

"Number 2: You go home and at least pretend to be your usual self. This is killing Esme."

I sighed, nodding, feeling worse and worse. I waited for her to continue, dreading the last condition. All she was accomplishing was to make me feel even worse.

"Finally, number 3. I get your card for the month, and you're driving me to go shopping. Wherever I want. Deal?"

She smiled with the last condition, sticking her hand out in front of her for a shake. I laughed, ignoring how much the sound brightened her face and shook her hand.

"Deal."

Alice smirked a bit too smugly, looking incredibly pleased with herself. "Okay now, brother. Can we please hunt?"

I narrowed my eyes, crouching down. Feeling almost light-hearted for the first time in awhile. I wanted to run.

"Sure, sister. Let's go. I'll race you."

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**James' POV-**

It was getting darker, and the storm was approaching quicker than I thought. I needed to get home- back to the cabin, rather- quickly, if I wanted to take Bella on a walk. Thinking of Bella, I scowled down at the bags I had looped around my wrist. I had stolen more books, better food, and more clothes for her. I raised my eyes to look at the house in front of me. No cars in the driveway. It wasn't huge, so I doubted they'd have a security system. The windows were all dark, and I didn't smell anyone inside. Not even a pet.

I forced the door open, shutting it behind me as I set the bags down. I needed to find a phone. If I didn't call Victoria soon, she was going to come to the cabin, and I didn't want her anywhere near Bella. The last thing I needed to deal with was a jealous Victoria.

"Aha," I murmured into the silence as I found the phone. Picking it up and dialing the number of the cell phone I'd given her before we split up.

"Finally," I heard her purr into the phone. "I thought I was going to have to come find you."

I cringed at the sound of her voice. I wasn't nearly as attached to her as she believed. I did not love her. She was fantastic in bed. She was smart, a good ally in a fight. And she loved the games as much as I did. All in all, she was just around because it was convenient. There was no depth to her... she wasn't Bella.

"Victoria. You don't need to come to me. I have it under control." My voice must have been colder than she expected, because I heard her hiss into the phone.

"Did you kill the girl?"

"No. I'm using her as bait." I frowned at the feeling it spurred in my chest to call Bella bait. But I knew it was vital to her survival that Victoria not suspect anything as far as she was concerned.

"James! You were supposed to kill her at the studio and then call me. What in the hell happened?" Her voice rose in pitch, and I felt myself grow angrier.

"Victoria, this is my game. I'm the tracker. I call the shots," I yelled into the phone, my free hand fisting at my side.

She didn't respond immediately, and I took a deep breath.

_Don't make her come find you, _I reminded myself. "I'll call you when I'm finished here. Just stay away from the Cullens. Goodbye."

I hung up the phone, cutting her off in the middle of her response. I frowned at the phone, feeling uneasy. Something about Victoria was not right. Perhaps I should have been more careful in handling the phone call. I shook my head and walked back to the front door. I would worry about Victoria later.

Then I picked up my bags and walked out the door, running into the woods as fast as I could, eager to return to Bella.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Bella's POV-  
**

I was reading when I heard the door open. I glanced over, smiling widely when I saw James step through the door. I didn't want to think about how my heart sped up just seeing him. I didn't want to think about how I could just push aside worrying about Edward when I saw him.

He sat his bags on the ground, walking towards me. His hands grabbed mine and he pulled me up, his mouth searing mine with that icy fire as he kissed me. I melted against him, arms winding around his neck to help hold myself up.

"Hello," he murmured against my lips.

"I missed you," I found myself admitting before I even realized what I was saying.

He chuckled, nodding softly. Kissing me again. Wasting no time plunging his tongue into my mouth, his hands holding me tight to his body. I pulled away before long, smiling up at him.

"I didn't forget about my walk, you know," I acknowledged. He looked confused for a moment, laughing as he loosened his grip.

"Alright, Bella. Put some shoes on. You've earned a walk." I clapped my hands happily, slipping out of his arms to put shoes on. "No trouble though. I'm faster than you, remember," he warned as he watched me.

"Yeah yeah yeah. Let's go, Mr. Big Bad Vampire." I couldn't keep from teasing him as I opened the door.

I inhaled deeply when I went outside, the smell of the woods refreshing after being cooped up in the musty cabin. James was, of course, close behind me. I looked up at the trees, frowning as the wind whipped my hair. I looked over my shoulder at James, and he shrugged.

"A storm's brewing," he offered as explanation.

I don't think either of us knew just how right he really was. We didn't know how much our lives were changing, how much more there were going to change. We were in our own little world, focused just on the walk I had earned, the little bit of freedom James was finally showing me. We walked off the little porch, just meandering through the woods, his hand at the small of my back both as a comfort and a warning.

Of course, being Bella, I didn't make it long before I tripped. James caught me before I actually hit the ground, his eyes glittering with laughter.

"Oh shut up," I mumbled, glaring at him.

"I didn't even say anything," James pointed out with a grin on his face.

"But you thought it!" I whined.

He really did laugh now, dipping to kiss me. For the first time, it was a soft kiss, playful almost. He didn't plunge right into the darkest parts of it. It was just automatic, caring. Cute.

"I thought your boyfriend was the one who could read thoughts," he teased, his lips moving softly against mine.

I ignored the pang in my heart, pretended my stomach didn't twist at the thought of Edward.

"I don't need to read minds to know that you were laughing at me," I grumbled.

He pulled his face away from me, shaking his head, still chuckling lightly.

"Silly Bella," he murmured, looking down at me fondly. Hand still guiding me through the woods. "Enjoy it while you can. We'll have to go back in soon. The storm is moving quicker than I thought. It'll be like this for the next few days."

When I met his gaze, his eyes were burning again as he continued on, his voice lower than it had been before. "I imagine we'll be semi-housebound for the duration. I'd hate to leave you and come back to find you struck by lightening or something. What use would you be then?"

I shivered at the thought of spending a "few days" in the cabin with James there the entire time, now that we'd crossed the sex line. Days... I felt my stomach twist at the thought, in a not entirely unpleasant way. I turned to James, wrapping my arms around his neck again.

"Let's go back to the cabin now. I'm sure we'll find a way to occupy ourselves," I suggested, tiptoeing so I could nip at his lips, smiling at him.

James looked surprised at first, and then his eyes darkened, inhaling deeply. Realizing how much I meant what I said. He laughed darkly as he scooped me into his arms, turning back towards the cabin. "My God, Bella. Where have you been my whole life?"

The words plucked at my memory, but as usual, I pushed my thoughts of Edward aside. I couldn't deal with that now. When I finally faced that, I was afraid the guilt was going to kill me.

Well, if nothing else managed to, anyways.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**


	9. Chapter 9

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE AND DISCLAIMER:**_

_**Stephenie Meyer is the author of Twilight. She owns the characters, and the Twilight Series. I'm just offering an alternate possibility.**_

_**I am eternally grateful to Jmeyer for acting as my beta. **_

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Bella's POV-**

James and I had already shed our shirts by the time we got through the front door of our little cabin. I felt strange, unlike myself, like I wasn't really in control of what I was doing. Everything I had was focused on James, on wanting him. I couldn't stop, couldn't slow down. All that mattered was the two of us being together. He set me on my feet so I was standing in front of him, and my hands wasted no time getting to the snap on his pants.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**James' POV-**

Her hot little mouth was moving all over my exposed skin. I felt like I was drowning in the sensations from soft lips, wet tongue, sharp little teeth, and god, _the heat_. I just held her close and closed my eyes so that I could focus on the feel of her kisses, my hands stroking up and down the length of her spine. Her fingers fumbled at the button of my jeans, but her mouth never stopped. The sound of her pounding heartbeat thundered in my ears; I could feel it in her hands at my waistline. I was sure we were both going to burst into flames if she didn't calm down, slow down, breath.

"Bella," I groaned, my hand closing over hers to stop her. "Baby, slow down a second. We've got awhile."

She didn't slow down; instead, she stretched her body against me so she could match my lips and tugged my lower lip into the heat of her mouth. I couldn't help the groan that rumbled through my chest, not that she seemed to mind. She just pressed even closer, a soft moan escaping from between her perfect lips. She was going to kill me. But if I was going to die after all, this sure as hell was a fine way to go.

"Bella, come on," I urged, my voice low, trying to calm her down a little bit.

I truly was afraid for her heart. I'd never heard it run as rampantly as it was then. Her mouth had moved from mine, placing those burning hot kisses all along my jaw, my neck. I heard her giggle softly against my skin before she opened her mouth on my neck, her little teeth pressing against the skin of my neck.

She didn't hurt me, obviously, and she seemed to know not to press to hard or she'd hurt herself. Her mouth was hot, so hot, sucking lightly on the skin she trapped in between her teeth. I felt her tongue run over my skin, tasting me.

The feeling radiated out from the spot, muddling my brain and heading straight for my cock. This time the noise that came from me sounded almost like a snarl, and normally I would have wondered if it frightened Bella, but I wasn't thinking anymore. I tore out of what remained of my clothes and then freed Bella from her jeans, quicker than she would be able to follow.

I pulled her up against my body, rougher than I meant to, reclining on the bed with her draped over me. When I finally stilled, her eyes were wide with shock at the rapidity of my movements; the look quickly faded when she noticed how I'd positioned us, her eyelids drooping as she rotated her hips against me. When I looked up at her, I couldn't help but be a little bit stunned by her beauty.

Her cheeks were flushed, hair waving wildly around her face, eyes mostly shut; her lips were swollen, red from our kisses, and parted slightly as she moved against me. She was pale and slender, but the flush of blood warmed her complexion. She wore lingerie I had picked out myself, imagining it on Bella before I'd ever imagined she'd let me actually see her in it. Bella overwhelmed me, although I hated to admit it. The cabin was full of the smell of her-- her blood, her arousal, her scent. Her pulse still thundered in my ears. She was all I could see, all I could feel, and all I could smell. She was consuming me.

"So beautiful," I murmured, my eyes never leaving her body. My hands stroked the soft skin of her thighs before moving up her sides, cupping her breasts through her bra. I grinned as goose bumps rose across her skin and her nipples swelled to push against my palms. I shut my eyes, just listening to her heart, feeling the beat through her skin.

"James." Her voice was hardly a sigh, but I looked up, question in my eyes. Had she wanted my attention or was it just something to say?

I got my answer when she rolled her hips against me again, a shadow of embarrassment flickering across her eyes.

"Show me," she whispered, her thighs tightening on me, showing me what she meant. "I want to do this for you."

The frenzied look was still there, but now there was something more, something stronger. There was so much tenderness in her eyes that it made my chest ache. I took a deep breath as I looked up at her before nodding softly. My hands found her hips, resting softly on her skin.

"I'll show you," I agreed. I didn't even realize myself how much I was going to show her.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Bella's POV-**

The frenzy had swept me up and was threatening to drown me, and all that was saving me was James. He tried to slow me down but I couldn't. I felt possessed. My actions weren't my own. I had no control. I don't know what came over me; before I knew it, I was biting his neck. He had moved so fast everything was a blur, but when my head stopped spinning, I was on top of him and I could feel him between my legs. I was lost, so lost, to the sensations. I moved, shifted, rocked against him for my own pleasure, not even self-conscious. I knew he was getting something out of it. I could tell by the force of his hands against my skin, their increasing speed. He was so hard against me, and I was still caught up in whatever this strange thing was that was happening when I heard his voice break through the fog.

"So beautiful," he said. I opened my eyes, taking in the reverent expression on his face. His eyes were closed, although his expression made it clear that he was focusing on something. I realized, probably somewhat slowly, that he was experiencing my heartbeat.

I clenched my jaw to hold back the sob that threatened to break through, bracing myself against the emotions as the truth crashed down around me. I realized then that I loved James. I loved him. There was triumph at having found love. There was need, still, the utter need to touch James, taste James, and be with James. There was pain, so much pain, for him, Edward, and even myself. I loved them both so much, so completely. I felt like my heart was going to burst from the sheer amount of love. But most prevalent, at least for the moment, was the care. The love. I wanted to give him something, to show him how much I loved him, because I couldn't tell him.

"James," I breathed, not wanting to disturb him. Not wanting the expression on his face to fade. "Show me..." My voice trailed off.

I couldn't say it. I clenched my thighs around him, shifting my hips. "I want to do this for you."

Something changed in his expression, but I ducked my head down, looking at his chest where my hands were splayed against the cold skin.

"I'll show you," he answered. His hands were on my hips, and I barely heard the fabric as he tore my panties so that nothing was separating us. His hands guided me, pushing me down. Gravity helped, and once he was completely in me I couldn't help but moan, arching my back and curling my fingers against his stomach.

"God Bella," he growled at me, and I leaned over him, my hair falling in a curtain around my face.

"Show me," I urged again, looking into his eyes. He smiled reflexively, and I felt my stomach flip. His eyes were intent as he used his hands on my hips to guide me, noises of appreciation escaping occasionally. The pace was slow in comparison to before but just as intense, if not more so.

I don't know how long we were like that, moving slower than we ever had before, just looking at each other. I felt my heart swell with the love I felt for him, trying not to place too much importance on the emotions I was recognizing in James's eyes. His hands dropped, curving around my thighs, feeling my muscles shift as I worked myself on his shaft.

It was too much-- too much feeling, too many emotions. Before, we had joked, teased, something to lighten to tension. Now, we just... felt it. Gave ourselves over to it. I hadn't looked away from his eyes; I had been trying to convey to him with my eyes and my body just how much I felt for him. I clenched around him, gradually increasing the speed.

I saw the muscles in his body begin to tense, his eyes becoming more strained as he looked up at me. His hands clutched my hips tightly as he took over, thrusting hard against me. The room seemed to vibrate with the force of his groan before he squeezed his eyes shut and threw his head back as he came, his hands bruising on my hips. He continued to move in me, filling me with the very essence of himself.

His eyes opened, staring into mine again; his strokes were hard, deep, purposeful as I met his movements with my own. As I finally shut my eyes, focusing just on the feel of him in me, I thought I heard him whisper, "I love you."

That was all it took to send me over the edge.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**James' POV-**

A few moments later, I rolled over, tucking Bella's body against me. My mind was racing, worried that she'd heard my little slip. I was frustrated with myself, angry even, but I couldn't help but smile at Bella's drowsy, satisfied murmurs as she burrowed against me. Her face was practically glowing, the flush still riding her cheeks, her mouth curved in a smile. She was looking up at me, her eyelids heavy, drooping down. She looked like she was fighting the urge to sleep, whether because it was still light outside or some other reason, I didn't know.

"Sleep, Bella. We've got plenty of time," I assured her, brushing my fingertips over her eyelids so she'd shut them.

"Fine. Tyrant," she teased, her voice soft, quiet. I could tell it wouldn't be long before she gave in to the urge to sleep.

I watched her face, smiling to myself. As I watched, she opened one eye slightly, peeking up at my face.

"Oops," she mumbled, grinning widely as she shut her eyes again.

"Sleep," I growled at her, leaning so I could kiss her. Her lips parted, her breathing increased its pace, and the kiss became deeper than I'd ever intended.

After a few moments, I pulled away, chuckling quietly. "Sleep, trouble," I whispered into her ear. I didn't miss the shiver that shook her body. I chuckled again, tightening my grasp on her, and waited for her breathing to even out.

As she slept, I just shut my eyes and listened. To the steady rhythm of her breath, the strong beat of her heart. To the fall of rain outside the window. I focused on these things like my life depended on it. It helped me ignore the revelation that I had fallen in love with Isabella Swan.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Bella's POV-**

_James and I are on the front porch of our cabin. Sitting together. I lace our fingers, looking at our hands. Smiling. Letting my love for him fill me, warm me from the inside out. His face turns towards mine, lips moving. "I love you, Bella," he says, grinning. I nod, shifting so I can kiss him lightly._

_"I love you, James."_

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**James' POV-**

I was just holding Bella and relishing the warmth coming from her body as she huddled against me when I heard her heartbeat pick up. Dreaming... She was a vocal dreamer, I'd noticed. Every night in the cabin, she spoke in her sleep. Most of the time it was just incoherent mumbling. I had heard my name, Edward's. She said no. She said yes. I'd never really heard anything interesting. Instead, I focused on listening to her heartbeat while I smiled to myself.

"I love you, James." Her voice was sleepy, muffled against my shoulder.

I froze, my arms tightening around her. I hadn't expected to hear that.

_It was just a dream_, I reminded myself. Not that I didn't want it to be true, if I was being completely honest with myself. I buried my face in her hair and inhaled deeply. I listened to her heartbeat again as her words echoed in my ears. If she really loved me... that would change this entire game completely. I thought about what life would be like if Bella loved me. I squeezed her softly, holding her as close as possible. For the first time, I just let the walls down. Let myself feel.

"I love you too, Bella," I whispered into her hair. I meant every word. I was hoping she wouldn't hear me. Hoping she would.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**


	10. Chapter 10

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE AND DISCLAIMER:**_

_**Stephenie Meyer is the author of Twilight. She owns the characters, and the Twilight Series. I'm just offering an alternate possibility.**_

_**I am eternally grateful to Jmeyer for acting as my beta. **_

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Bella's POV- **

When I opened my eyes the next morning, James was no longer on the cot with me. I frowned, glancing around the cabin.

He had told me he wasn't going to leave. I tried to stop my anxiety from rising, but I couldn't help it. I pressed my hand to the base of my throat, feeling my own pulse begin to flutter out of control.

"In the shower." I heard his voice call from the bathroom, answering my wild heartbeat, startling me at the same time that it calmed my fears.

I hadn't heard the water, but then again, it was raining harder than I'd ever seen it rain when I looked out the cabin windows. The sound echoed throughout the tiny cabin, and when accompanied by the howling wind outside the door, it sounded incredibly eerie and very loud.

I hated the rain. I sat up on the cot, wrapping my arms around my knees and resting my chin on one knee. Looking out the window, contemplating the storm. No wonder James hadn't wanted to leave me. If the rain kept up at this pace, I was going to be surprised if the cabin managed to not float away. The image of the little cabin floating along the water through the forest made me laugh. I still didn't know where we were, so I didn't know what major waterway such floating would lead us to, but the adventures would surely be epic.

"What's so funny?" James whispered into my ear. I screamed, jumping into the air. Stupid vampires and their silent movement.

"Dammit, James!" I complained, picking up my pillow and hitting him on the head with it. "You scared me."

He just grinned back at me, looking entirely unapologetic, and then shrugged his muscular shoulders.

"Your turn in the shower. You might want to hurry; the water will start getting pretty muddy before long. No fancy city water out here," he teased, leaning forward to peck me on the forehead.

I didn't know whether to glare at him, throw my arms around him, or laugh, so instead I slipped off of the cot and walked over to where I could gather a new outfit.

I pulled out a pair of jeans and a simple black tank top, before turning to the bag of lingerie. The clothes James had been stealing had not been all that bad, but some of the lingerie made me blush just thinking about wearing it.

I could feel his gaze on me as I picked through the bag. Feeling mischievous, I plucked out the tiniest pair of red lace panties, followed by the matching push-up bra. Let him think about that the entire time I was clothed.

I gathered my clothes in my arms and stood, turning on my heel to head in the direction of the bathroom.

As I reached the doorway, I heard James's low voice call my name.

I turned my head, peering at him over my shoulder. "Yes?"

"Good choice."

I just smirked, blushing lightly as I walked deeper into the little bathroom, shutting the door behind me.

The next few days were already shaping up to be very, very interesting.

************

I grinned at the sight in front of me when I emerged from the bathroom. James was laying on the cot reading. He wore jeans, like I did, and a plain white t-shirt, but he looked better than any model I'd ever seen. He raised one hand to wave lazily at me, his eyes flickering to mine for a second before traveling the length of my body then returning to his book.

I laughed softly, shaking my head as I walked into the kitchen. He had picked up more food for me, so surely there was something I could eat for breakfast. I opened cabinets, the little fridge, settling eventually on just having cereal. I was taking my first bite, hip propped against the counter, when James appeared in the doorway. He had the book in his hands and was looking at it in disgust.

"How do you read this? It's so boring," he complained, tossing the book into the corner and strolling towards me. I shrugged, smiling at him as I ate another bite. I didn't need to justify my love of literature to him, and I knew he wasn't really asking me to.

He tugged me forward by a belt loop, using the opportunity to slip behind me and wrap his arms around my waist. His chin rested on my shoulder, and his voice was rough and quiet in my ear when he spoke. "That's entirely too boring. We'll have to find another way to spend our day."

I felt my heart beat increase, trying to not look at him and nonchalantly continue eating my breakfast.

"It's useless pretending I don't affect you, Bella," James whispered, his cool lips pressing a kiss below my ear. "I can hear your heartbeat."

Then he kissed the shell of my ear, and my heartbeat continued to spiral out of control. My hands were shaking, threatening to spill my breakfast everywhere.

"Vampire, remember?" he teased, echoing my sentiments from days earlier, as his teeth nibbled softly at the edge of my ear.

I couldn't help my reaction. My hands let go of the bowl, my eyes fluttering shut as my heart stuttered and tripped over itself in its rush, and I sighed, tipping my head towards him. James chuckled, moving quickly enough that he caught the cereal bowl.

We both just stood there for a moment, allowing my body to return to normal. Finally, I realized what he'd said.

I turned around, my hands on my hips. "We can't just have sex all the time, James," I pointed out.

He laughed, gathering me in a hug after depositing the cereal bowl in the little sink.

"Well, speak for yourself. But that wasn't all I meant. Don't normal people talk sometimes?"

I arched an eyebrow at him, wondering what part of our situation was normal. Unquestionably seeing the doubt in my eyes, he leaned forward to kiss me softly.

It was nothing like the hard, punishing kisses of before. These kisses reminded me of flowers, poetry, and love. The feel of sunshine on your face on the first nice day of the year. These kisses reminded me of Edward, of the way I felt when I was with him.

When I thought of Edward now, in the middle of James's careful kiss, it felt like my heart was shattering.

I pulled away, smiling softly at James. "Will you tell me about yourself?"

I had meant it as a diversion, as a way to stop his gentle, heart-breaking kisses.

His reaction surprised me. His lips tightened, pressing into a thin, annoyed line, his eyes hard and almost angry as he looked at me. Something intangible flickered in his eyes, like he was warring with himself. Then, as I watched, I saw something else enter his gaze. This look I'd seen before; it had confused me, at first. It was a look that was almost tender, affectionate even.

He sighed, closing his eyes momentarily. "Alright. C'mon, I'll tell you."

I resisted the urge to grin triumphantly as he led me back into the main area of the cabin. It surprised me when we went to the door, but he opened it and stepped through, waiting for me to come with him.

The rain still poured, thunder crashing as I hesitated in the doorway. Although the little deck on the cabin was dry, it was so wet everywhere else. With a frustrated noise he scooped me into his arms, settling me in his lap as he sat down on the porch.

"Don't be a chicken," he chided, grinning. The momentary darkness from before was forgotten, or at least it appeared so. We sat there for quite awhile, with James rocking me slowly in his lap, the two of us just watching the rainfall, before he spoke.

"What do you want to know?"

I blinked, thinking about it. What did I want to know? I glanced at his face, smiling as I saw his impatience growing. It had only been a few seconds since he asked me the question, and I was struck by the urge to remind him of that. I didn't know how long this would last, and I wanted to ask only the most important questions.

"When did you become a vampire?" I asked, hoping he would answer. I was so curious about this vampire who had seemed so evil and simple at first but revealed himself to be more and more complex with every interaction.

He appeared to think about it for a second, likely pondering whether he would answer me or not, before he began talking.

"In 1849. I was heading across the continent for the gold rush. I always liked a challenge and money. It seemed perfect. I was going to make a fortune out of nothing. A fortune greater than anyone else's. I wanted that power." He glanced at me, smiling softly before he continued, his voice occasionally getting lost in the noise of the storm.

"I was an asset to our group, because I was an excellent hunter. I always had been from childhood. It came naturally to me. I just seemed to know what to do without even thinking about it. So we never went hungry, and people were glad to have me around." He paused again, and despite the lengthy silence, I knew he had more to say.

So I waited, snuggling against his chest as I listened for the deep rumble of his voice. Thinking about what he'd said. It made sense. His affinity for a challenge, his knack for hunting. He was an excellent tracker, one who thrived more on the game than the endpoint, now that he was a vampire.

After a few moments, his voice called me back from my thoughts. "We were almost there when I was attacked. I was out hunting, trying to get some meat to take back to the group. The vampire came out of nowhere. I didn't even see their face. My group thought it was just a fever, at first. Then as I got worse, they didn't know what it was- some strange, Western disease, obviously."

When he laughed, it was harsh, different from his usual chuckle. "When I woke up three days later, I killed them all." His gaze slid to meet mine, waiting for the judgment, waiting for the screaming. He looked surprised when I just nodded and allowed myself to absorb what he just said.

"I'm used to vampires," I assured him, smirking and ignoring him when he rolled his eyes at me. "I'm not going anywhere," I added, before lapsing into silence.

I bit my lip and tried to think of what else to ask him. He had answered much more than just my question last time. I'd just wanted to know the year, but he'd given me actual insight to himself. He had answered my next few questions without any prompting.

It was nice to not have to pull every shred of information from him, I realized. Not like Edward.

"How old were you, when you became one?" I felt bad for not knowing. After all, we'd gotten rather _close_, and I didn't even know how many years he'd spent actually alive.

"I was twenty-one when the vampire attacked me," James answered. I nodded again and thought about that. He had gotten four more years of life than Edward had. Not to mention, he'd been a vampire longer.

I knew what I wanted to ask next, although I was hesitant. I didn't want to remind myself that this was just a game to him, a challenge. But...

I bit my lip, brows furrowed as I looked at him. My arms wrapped around him seemingly of their own volition, and I buried my face against his shirt. "What draws you to tracking? Why do you love the hunt so much?"

He didn't answer immediately, and I didn't look at him. I kept my face pressed into his chest, inhaling the sweet, natural smell of him, my eyes shut.

"I've said I like a challenge. And that's really what fuels it. Being able to prove that I'm the strongest, the most capable. Proving that there isn't anything I can't do. No prey I can't catch. It's all a big game to me, honestly. Part of it is strategy, where I can prove my brain. Part of it relies on brute strength, so I can prove myself there. I really don't know how to describe it to someone who doesn't know the feeling. I don't have the words.

"For me, it's the absolute greatest thrill in the world. I will never get tired of hunting, tracking. Of the game. Everything is some sort of game, some sort of challenge, for me. It's as much a part of me as needing blood to survive." I felt him struggle to express exactly what it was to him, heard the deep rumble of his voice reverberate in his chest.

I tried to ignore the tug in my heart when I thought about what he'd said. Everything was a game to him. He was always looking for the next, bigger challenge, and really, I knew that's what I was.

I was stupid to let myself feel more, let myself believe he could feel more. I felt my heart wrench at the thought, and I shook my head, trying to clear the thoughts.

In that moment, I felt every bit as fragile as Edward thought I was. My heart was shattering, and I was overwhelmed with need.

The need to prove to James that there were more important things than games. The need to show James that I cared for him. The need to prove to James that he could care for me too.

I had to find a way; I didn't know how, but I knew that there was no other choice.

James's voice shocked me out of my thought process. "Enough about me. It's my turn to ask you questions."

*************

We eventually went back inside. The storm just kept getting more and more ferocious.

James asked me all sorts of questions. Serious ones, light ones, pointless ones. I tried my hardest not to be reminded of Edward's questioning after he'd given up trying to stay away from me, but it was pointless.

If I really thought about it, I suppose I had earned the pain caused by thinking of the two different vampires I loved. After all, if I'd been a decent enough person to not fall in love with two different men at the same time, I wouldn't be having the problem. So I answered James's questions and kept my pain to myself.

"Bella?" I heard James ask, and I blushed, realizing I'd zoned out. Missed a question.

I turned to look into his ruby colored eyes, smiling softly. He was sitting next to me on the little cot, his eyes intently focused on me.

"Sorry. The rain is getting to me."

I saw his gaze shift out the window, where the rain showed no sign of slowing. With a low sigh, he gathered me into his arms, kissing my forehead. The affectionate gesture never failed to shock me.

"We've got at least another full day of this, Bella. Are you going to be alright?" He was genuinely concerned, and it showed through in his voice and eyes. I couldn't help but want to reassure him. I smiled warmly and curled against him, leaning up to kiss him before I spoke.

"I'm just thinking too much," I admitted.

He seemed to think about this for a second, his mouth tight; he wasn't dumb, so I figured he knew what I had been thinking about. Suddenly, his grin turned devilish, and in a blur of motion he shifted so I was sitting flat on the cot with him leaning over me, his arms strong on either side of me, caging me in.

"Well then, we'll just have to stop you from thinking," James murmured as he dipped his head, capturing my mouth in a kiss. He plunged right into it, as was his tendency, his tongue slipping in between my lips, although it was slower, lazier than usual.

I sighed happily against his mouth, winding my fingers in his hair. This was a perfect distraction. It was easier to not think of E- _him _when every one of my senses was completely consumed by James.

I wrapped one leg around his narrow hips and gave myself over to the kiss. This was different from before. I wasn't caught up in any frenzy, and James wasn't moving fast enough. My mind was completely clear, although I was focused on James.

This wasn't what I wanted.

I nipped at his lower lip and tugged his hair, trying to hurry him. He groaned against my mouth then chuckled, his kisses trailing off. He kissed my forehead, both of my eyelids. Along my cheekbones. Down my jaw line. The tip of my nose.

"We can take our time, Bell. We have all day," he murmured in between kisses.

I didn't know how to tell him I wanted it faster, harder, _more_, so that it became mindless. I couldn't hurry him, though. Of course I couldn't make a vampire do something he didn't want to do.

His lips were gentle as he continued to kiss my face, eventually drifting over to my ear. One kiss at the soft spot below it, a little flick of his tongue on the curve of cartilage. When he got that close to my ear, I heard a low hum, like he was speaking very quickly.

I caught a few words that made my heart sing. Words like "beautiful" and "love" and my name, repeatedly. I realized he'd been talking to me the entire time, too quiet and too fast for me to hear. Positive, loving things, from what I could gather.

I smiled slowly, humming contentedly as his kisses continued.

James's hands traced along the curves of my torso, over my tank top. I couldn't help but shiver at the feel of his cold hands moving over my skin, even through the tank top. He cupped one breast, squeezing slightly, raising his head to watch my expression. I blushed under his gaze and tried to turn my face away.

"Look at me." I heard his rough voice insist.

My eyes met his, the blush still burning on my cheeks. As we looked into one another's eyes, his thumb rubbed slowly over my nipple through the double layer of fabric. His leisurely pace was driving me absolutely insane. This was entirely new for me.

After a few moments, he danced his fingers up to the neckline of my shirt, grinning down at me as his hand slipped in below the red lace of my bra.

I gasped and arched my back in an attempt to force myself more into his hand. His eyes darkened as the muscles in his face tightened. Apparently whatever he saw in my face, he liked.

He seemed to war with himself- like he wanted to go rougher, to hurry, to achieve the final goal, but like he wanted this for us, this slow, consuming lovemaking. I rolled my hips against him, hoping to make the decision easier for him.

Instead he slipped his hand from my bra and began slowly dragging my tank top up. Every other time, we'd shed our clothes quickly. The anticipation was killing me, but it was all worth it when I saw the appreciation in his gaze as he focused on the bare skin of my belly, then my ribcage, then the hint of lace as he got to the bottom of my bra.

"Lean up," he instructed before peeling the tank top completely off of me.

Then he just looked.

His gaze raked hungrily over my bare skin, the contrast of the red lace and my pale skin intriguing even to me.

I don't know how long we stayed like that, with me laying there, and James just looking while trailing his fingertips delicately across my chest, down my rib cage. When his head dropped to my chest, I thought he was going to listen to my heartbeat like Edward had done, and I didn't think I could take it. When his lips met my skin, I realized he was following the path of his fingers with his lips, albeit at an excruciatingly slow pace. His kisses went along the line of my collarbone. Across the curve of my breast. Down my rib cage. The hollow next to my hips.

His fingertips undid the button on my jeans deftly, the rasp of the zipper echoing in my ears.

My pulse thundered out of control, and I almost jumped out of my skin when James pressed an open-mouthed kiss right above the line of my panties. My blush only deepened when I remembered he could smell my arousal from outside the house, let alone right near the center of it.

His hands moved to my hips and began tugging my jeans down slowly. Kissing the skin he exposed. His lips were cold, a shock to my skin, but as he continued I noticed they got warmer. From the contact with my skin, I assumed.

He continued to move down my body, pressing those tender, icy kisses along my thigh to the inside of my knee. Down my calf. The arches of both feet each got a soft brush of his lips.

When James finished with his kisses, I felt like I was boneless, incapable of moving. My breathing was quick, as was my heartbeat, and my blush seemed to perpetually exist on my cheeks. He stood at the end of the cot, just looking at me.

My hands twitched, yearning to cover myself. The red lace didn't offer much coverage. But it wasn't really anything he hadn't seen before, so I just looked up at him and did my best to wait for his next move.

"Come here," I whispered, reaching my arms out to him. Under my careful gaze, he pulled his shirt over his head and shucked out of his jeans slow enough that I could watch. My mouth went dry at the sight of him.

He was perfect.

Finally, he climbed back onto the cot and spread my legs so he could place himself between them.

"You're so beautiful," he murmured before claiming my lips again. It was slow, teasing at first. He would pull away just to let me reach for him again, over and over. Then his tongue traced along the seam of my lips, slipping into my mouth when I parted them. Our tongues danced against each other, and I could taste his sweet breath in my mouth. I hummed against his kiss, pressing my body against his, searching for the friction I knew would make this anxiety go away. His cool hand slipped down my body and pressed against the red lace that helped to separate us.

"Please," I managed to mumble against the kiss, shifting my hips against his hand. He hadn't moved his hand, just held it against the lace, feeling me through the fabric.

"Please what?" he questioned, easing out of the kiss. He remained very close; his eyes peered at me. I groaned in exasperation, moving my hips again.

"_Please. _You know what." My voice was low, breathy. I struggled for air. Every nerve in my body was alive, waiting, tingling.

"Please what?" he insisted again, his gaze burning into mine. He wasn't going to give in.

"Touch me," I sobbed, craning my neck so I could press my mouth to his, my tongue flicking against his lower lip, edging just barely inside. I knew I had to be careful. He was of course a vampire, with an entire set of sharp, venom-coated teeth.

With a low groan, his hand finally slipped beneath the elastic holding the lace to my skin; he wasted no time in plunging one finger into me. I gasped and writhed against him.

"Like this?" he growled into my ear, his hand moving against me, still at that incredibly slow pace.

I nodded, unable to speak as I rested my cheek against his, my eyes drifting shut. Focusing on the feel of him touching me. I could feel the muscles in his body begin to tense. I knew his refusal to hurry would get to him eventually. Slow for me must seem like eternity for him.

He managed to get another finger in me, putting more force behind each movement, the pace only increasing slightly. "You're so wet for me, Bella. For _me_." His low voice continued in my ear, "Don't ever forget that."

Then he was gone.

I opened my eyes just in time to see him shed his boxers then come closer to draw my panties down my legs.

He was back between my thighs before I had even counted to three, although he didn't push into me. I looked up to find him gazing down at me, the same tenderness from before evident in his eyes.

"You're so beautiful, Bella. God. So beautiful."

His voice trailed off as he finally slid into me, slowly, letting both of us relish in the feeling. He pushed as far as he could, then he waited, his eyes on my face. When I began to look impatient, he shifted so he could pull out of me, thrusting back in with more force than before.

The pace continued like that. Hard, but slower than ever before, with him looking down at me with some emotion in his eyes I just couldn't quite get a handle on. I couldn't look away. I was spellbound, completely wrapped up in him. I could feel the pleasure begin to build; I saw it in his face, and I know he saw it in mine.

But we didn't hurry. We just... focused. It was quickly all becoming too much. Too many emotions, too many sensations.

This was something more than before, something I wasn't sure I was ready for. The storm raged outside, the lightening illuminating the room in erratic flashes, and I felt like electricity was crackling through the air. I strained against him, trying to urge him to hurry. I needed the release; I didn't know how much longer I could wait.

His hand slipped in between us again so he could use his fingers on me. Bringing me quickly to the edge before his hand slowed or still completely, backing me away without the release I so yearned for. Then he did the same thing again. And again.

When his fingers started moving again, I moaned, expecting the same thing. But his fingers moved quickly, expertly. He hurled me into my release with little warning, and it was more brilliant than I'd ever experienced.

"I love you, I love you, I love you," I murmured, my mantra, my head was spinning, I was crying, still thinking_ "too much, too much, too much"_ and I clung to him, my arms and legs wrapped tightly around him as his hips worked between my thighs.

I vaguely heard him shout my name as he came, filling me with himself. As he collapsed on top of me, not worried about my fragility, he moved his mouth to my ear.

"I love you too, Bella," he whispered, wiping my tears away carefully.

When I felt like I could actually move, I turned my head so I could look at his face. I knew my expression was wary.

"You love me?" I asked, cringing when my voice shook.

He nodded, a smile curving his lips slowly.

"Are you just saying that?" I asked next, unable to accept that he loved me.

He chuckled, wrapping his arms tightly around me and tugging me against his body as he rolled to his side.

"I love you, Bella Swan. Really. Honestly. And you love me too." He said the last bit smugly, so sure of himself.

Well, I supposed I had said it, repeatedly.

Guilt twisted my stomach as the image of Edward's beautiful face flashed in my memory. James' next words surprised me because they seemed almost in response to that image, although I knew he didn't know what I was thinking.

"And I've got news for you, Bella." He paused to kiss me, every bit the hard, passionate, claiming kisses I'd come to expect from him before continuing with his sentence. "You're all mine."

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**


	11. Chapter 11

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE AND DISCLAIMER:**_

_**Stephenie Meyer is the author of Twilight. She owns the characters, and the Twilight Series. I'm just offering an alternate possibility.**_

_**I am eternally grateful to Jmeyer for acting as my beta. **_

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Bella's POV-**

"Why didn't you kill me that day at the ballet studio?"

We had lain together quietly for a few minutes, simply listening to the sounds of the storm overhead. The lightening illuminated the room and James's skin brilliantly. _"You're all mine,"_ he had said, spurring thoughts of Edward. I was supposed to be all _his_. We were soul mates, weren't we? We were in love.

On the other hand, I loved James. He claimed to love me. But that day at the ball field, he wanted to kill me. I had gone to the ballet studio expecting to die.

Something had changed his mind. Something had encouraged him to keep me alive. I wanted to know what that something was.

"You know, Bell, you kind of suck at pillow talk," James murmured into my ear, chuckling as he dipped his head so his face was near the curve of my neck.

I heard him inhale, felt his arms tighten around me. I resisted the urge to laugh, although my lips twitched into a smile, enjoying the satisfaction the pleasure that his little possessive gesture spurred in me.

"I'm serious, James."

He sighed heavily, feathering kisses onto my neck. I found that his reluctance to answer hurt me; I was entitled to some answers, wasn't I? We'd admitted to loving one another; I'd had sex with him after promising forever to Edward; I was carrying so much pain for my actions. I had sacrificed for him, and the least he could do, in my mind, was answer me.

"I want to know."

He raised his head quickly, startling me. His eyes stared down at me, hard, lips pressed into a tight line. I'd obviously upset him.

"Do you really want to know?" he asked, his voice strained.

When I nodded, he shook his head, and I saw the muscles in his jaw jump. He paused for a second, shutting his eyes, and his body progressively relaxed. First his hands, then the tension in his shoulders eased, then his neck relaxed, then his jaw, then finally his mouth.

"Really, Bell?" He ducked down to press his lips right below my jaw softly. "We're here, naked..." his lips moved to the corner of my lips and one strong hand skimmed down the side of my body, making me shiver against him "...and you want to talk about a day you thought I was going to kill you?"

Now his lips hovered over mine, and I could feel the coolness of his sweet breath wash over my lips. He made it obvious what awaited me if I just said "no."

I raised my chin slightly, looking him straight in the eyes. Did my best to be authoritative. "Yes."

All the tension snapped back into his body, although I thought I saw the corner of his mouth twitch, wanting to smile at my attempt to be bossy. And in all honesty, I had to admit it probably was pretty funny. After all, didn't my lips still feel swollen from his kisses? Wasn't my hair crazy around my face, mussed from his hands? There were bruises on my hips from his grip, dampness between my legs, and heaviness in my bones, all because of him. We were still pressed tightly together, fitting perfectly, he held my life in his hands, and I was trying to be bossy?

I expected James to point any one of those things out and tell me to shut up. He looked like he wanted to. As he looked back at me, something changed in his eyes. He buried his face against my neck again; the tension still practically radiated off of him.

"I don't like having a vulnerable spot, Bella. And you're one hell of a vulnerable spot," he rumbled against my neck, his voice just loud enough for me to hear without straining. He paused then, and I could feel the muscles of his jaw working, trying to figure out what to say, opening his mouth to speak, and then shutting it again.

I ached to soothe him, help him in any way that I could. Yes, I wanted answers, but I didn't want him to suffer. I never wanted him to suffer. At a loss, I just stroked one hand from the nape of his neck down, my fingertips dancing back up the path before I repeated the movements. I moved my other hand so it was tangled in his hair, holding him to me.

"Take your time," I whispered, almost wishing I could take my request back.

But I needed to know. If I was going to deal with these conflicting emotions, I needed to be as knowledgeable as possible.

I felt him shudder as he took a deep breath, bracing himself. Finally, his rough voice picked up again, still quietly. "I'm not very well-spoken, Bella. I'm not stupid, but I have no interest in flowery language. I'll do my best to explain it to you but don't expect poetics.

"It started the day in the field. I smelled your blood, and it was... unlike anything else. It's not the same draw you have for Edward, I don't think, but it is still amazing. Like you are calling for me, for someone, for anyone. I couldn't imagine then how any one of them could bear to be near you. You were so human-- obviously fragile and clumsy. But you weren't afraid; you were there playing ball with an entire coven of vampires, and you weren't shaken at all.

"Then, when I reacted, they all rallied around you so quickly. Only Edward is in love with you, right? But they all protected you. They all risked a fight with three strong nomads to save you. I knew there was something special about you then. There had to be for them to protect you so readily."

His voice was slow, rough, and even. I felt my eyelids growing heavier as I continued the slow strokes, doing my best to ease his tension. To offer him what comfort I could, although it didn't seem to be making any difference. He seemed to have caught a rhythm now, and his voice rarely stopped, moving determinedly forward.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**James' POV-**

"Regardless, it just made the game more exciting. If I could just get to you, it would hurt them, and it would also get them invested in the game. So, that's what I set out to do, at least to get it started- just get you.

"Then I was watching those tapes at the house in Phoenix. I watched you grow up, Bella, from an awkward, stubborn little child to a beautiful, stubborn, loving high school student. You always seemed worried for whoever was on the other side of the camera, or worried for someone. Never yourself. I never once saw you show any concern for yourself, except the ballet video. Even then, you were so blunt. You were awful, and you didn't want to embarrass yourself but that was it."

I remembered the hours I'd spent watching those videos, telling myself it was because I wanted the perfect tape to lure Bella in with. Now I wondered if I just hadn't been amazed at the process, of her growing from that stubborn little girl into the woman I held in my arms, someone that loved fiercely, and turned to fire when I touched her, despite an outwardly shy appearance. This weak, weak human who had so captured my heart.

It was not a pleasant feeling, not when I'd spent my entire existence completely avoiding love. It was the ultimate weakness, to want someone else's survival above your own. It was something that went against every instinct in my body. I was a loner. Victoria served a purpose, and the fact that she thought I was bonded to her worked in my favor- there was little she wouldn't do for me, even if the course of a hunt. With Bella, it was entirely different.

"I was so intrigued by you. The final straw was, of course, your wonderfully confusing reaction to the news that your mother had never been involved. You were just so relieved. And then you told Edward specifically not to come after me. It amused me. You were so delicate, and you obviously needed someone to take care of you, but you were too busy trying to take care of everyone else to notice. Too busy taking care of everyone else to even spare yourself a thought. It was too easy getting you to come to me. I didn't get any enjoyment from it, aside from the possibility of a moment alone with you.

"So I thought on my feet. By taking you away, and keeping you alive, it would give me time to figure out how your mind worked and make the game so much more interesting. So much more involved. And of course, much, much more pleasing for me when I emerged, as always, the victor."

I wanted to hurt her, I realized then.

I wanted her to get angry.

I wanted to make it so that she could not love me. Then the decision wouldn't really be in my hands.

I could get out of this with my independence, my pride, and she'd get over it eventually.

Decision made, I looked up from her neck and told her the truth, although in a way that I knew would hurt her. I wanted to beg her to believe it, make her if I had to.

I was absolutely desperate for her to save us both and just... give us up.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Bella's POV-**

James raised his head slowly, his crimson eyes searing into mine. He looked... desperate? Pained?

"So, I guess the answer to your question is that I didn't kill you because it made the entire game better if I didn't."

I blinked, shocked by his words. I felt my lips shift into a frown as I tried to make sense of what he'd said, pulled my hands away from him and did my best to curl them against myself.

Hadn't he said... didn't he? "You said you loved me," I whispered, not even caring when my voice cracked.

Then I was crying, and I didn't care about that either.

For the first time, I was not the slightest bit embarrassed by my emotions. I felt hurt, so hurt, and betrayed.

Really, I just needed a moment to myself.

Suddenly I felt like I was going to suffocate if I just didn't get a little breathing room. I pushed as hard as I could at his chest, trying to get away from him. My fingers tugged at his arms, and I shifted my hips, trying to slip free. Ignoring the sensations rocketing through me when I felt his arousal, encouraged by the movements of my hips against him.

He didn't love me.

He was using me.

This was all a game to him.

I had betrayed Edward for him.

The same four thoughts repeated over and over again in my head. I sobbed, pushing harder, scraping him with my nails. James would not budge.

After a few moments, he anchored me down with one leg so he could move his arms. Then he took my face in his hands in a way that looked gentle from the outside, I was sure, although his force was undeniable. I had no choice but to look at him.

He swiped at a tear with his thumb, and his face looked tortured enough to rival Edward. His mouth began to lower to meet mine, and I was absolutely trembling with anger.

That's what I told myself it was, anyways. Anger.

I cursed against his mouth, continued sobbing, struggled in his arms. I loved him so much, and he'd just been using me, and I couldn't get past it. I wanted to forgive him, to take what I could get, but at the same time, I didn't want to be that weak.

His lips worked softly against mine, pleading with me to just give in. Finally, I did. I stopped struggling, although the tears still ran down my face and the tremors shook my body.

"Bella. Bella. Shhhhhhh." He rested his forehead against mine as he continued like that, willing me to calm down.

I suppose if I went crazy it would kind of ruin the game. Edward wouldn't want a crazy girlfriend.

The thoughts simply renewed the force of my tears, the hurt slamming into me over and over again with each thought.

So I wept and let the pain batter me.

After all, I'd earned it.

* * *

I don't know how long I cried for. When I finally stilled, James pulled his face back from mine to look at me. I could barely see from all the crying, my throat hurt, and my heart absolutely ached.

"Bella, you asked why I didn't kill you at the ballet studio. You insisted that I answer you. I assumed you wanted a truthful answer. And that's why I didn't kill you, truthfully- because it made things better if I didn't. Because you intrigued me, because I didn't want to kill you out right. Because I wanted time with you. Because I wanted you."

I stared back at him, eyebrows drawn together, confused as to why he had to rub it all in again. I got the point, didn't I? It was all a game. I understood that. I had made an awful mistake. I understood that, as well. Did he expect me to be happy about it just because I'd encouraged him to answer?

"Bella... just because that was the reason why I didn't kill you originally doesn't mean that's why you're still alive now. I love you. I don't like it, but there it is. It started as a game, but I love you."

I tipped my head back, squeezing my eyes shut.

"James, stop. This kind of game is not the kind you want to play, is it? What is there to brag about when you're playing with a human girl's emotions?" My voice was raspy from all the crying, but I hoped he understood just how much I was pleading with him to spare me this pain.

His hands passed down my body to rest on my hips. His eyes were focused on the skin there, and he shifted his fingers one by one to match the bruises he'd left. Then his lips trailed down my jaw, my neck, in between my breasts, so he could press his ear above where my heart was.

"I'm not playing games, Bell. I'm in love with you. You're infuriating and breakable and stubborn and you stand up to me, and when I touch you your heart goes crazy for me, and I love you."

I felt my anger returning, although I hadn't thought it was possible. My muscles were weak, and I felt absolutely drained. But I was angry.

"You... you said those things!" I accused, shoving at his shoulders. "You let me cry, for God knows how long!"

I was shouting in his face now, growing even more incensed when I caught sight of the smile curling his lips. "And now you say you love me!"

He just watched my face as I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down before I just exploded. I knew I was practically screeching at him. But my treacherous, stupid heart soared at the thought that he might love me, even if he was lousy at showing it.

He moved up my body to claim my mouth hard, silencing me. I focused entirely on the movement of his lips against mine, his tongue in my mouth, the delicate nip of his teeth. I was mad, and I wanted to hate him, but I didn't. I loved him. So I threw myself into the kiss, closing my eyes and letting myself get caught in the tide of hoping what he said was true- that he loved me.

It was only that hope that kept me from resisting him when he parted my thighs and slipped between them. He paused, waiting to see my reaction. When all I did was wrap my arms around him, he began rocking his hips back and forth, working himself into me.

We were both silent, our breathing relatively even as we shifted our bodies against one another, focused simply on achieving this first goal. He didn't move once he was completely in me. We just lay there, content for the moment, somehow calmed by the act. Suddenly the rest made sense; everything made sense, because it all led up to this, to needing this. And this made sense. More than anything else right then, being with James, our bodies joined in that most ultimate way, made sense.

For several minutes, it was enough, just having him in me, the two of us rocking occasionally.

Eventually the feeling grew, as I knew it would. I saw the urgency in James's eyes, felt it in the tension of my own body. I craned forward to open my mouth against his, letting him know I was okay. I actually laughed as I felt him sigh in relief against my mouth before beginning his movement. The wonderful friction of him pulling outwards, followed by the hard drive forward; he caught the rhythm immediately. Continuing in, with a force that rocked me to the core, out with that same wonderful friction.

We didn't hurry. I was too drained to hurry by then. I felt like I'd been moving in fast-forward ever since James took me from the ballet studio, and I needed to rest. But the feelings, the pleasure, grew even so. The room filled with the sound of my breathing, my sharp little gasps when he hit that perfect spot, his moans when I rolled my hips against his.

I dropped my head back to the pillow and pressed my eyes shut so I could focus on the feeling. It was building, building, urging me once more towards that ledge. I turned my head to one side, squeezing my eyes shut even harder. I absolutely refused to let it sweep me away before it took James. His pace began increasing, the rhythm dissolving as he thrust in and out, harder, faster. I felt his control fray, his hands actually shaking on my hips as he finally came. I let go, willingly getting swept in that tide of sensation, and my eyes shot open.

It was then that I realized I was facing the mirror wall. The storm still raged outside, but at that moment the lightening crashed, illuminating the room.

I saw us, in so many bits and pieces but so together, reflected in the mirrors. And we were beautiful. He was still moving in me, the muscles straining beneath his skin, and I moved against him, looking stronger and absolutely transformed from the Bella I was used to seeing in the mirror. His lips were moving quickly, whispering things I could only imagine, too low and too fast for me to hear.

I was still marveling at the sight of us in the wall of mirrors when James rolled us over so that I was draped overtop of him.

"Look," I whispered, nudging my chin at the wall so he would look at the sight of us in the mirrors. He looked confused, although he turned to look.

"You're beautiful," he murmured, the tenderness I saw in his eyes making my heart soar again.

"So are you," I responded instinctively, blushing when I realized what I'd said. He just laughed, let the movement rock us. We both looked into the mirrors for several minutes, and I felt my eyelids growing heavy.

"Hey Bell?" James whispered into my ear.

"Hmmmmm?" I responded, struggling to keep my eyes open.

"Can tomorrow please not be so intense?" His voice was guarded, hesitant. This time it was my turn to laugh.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**


	12. Chapter 12

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE AND DISCLAIMER:**_

_**Stephenie Meyer is the author of Twilight. She owns the characters, and the Twilight Series. I'm just offering an alternate possibility.**_

_**I am eternally grateful to Jmeyer for acting as my beta. **_

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Bella's POV-**

I did not sleep well that night. I was completely exhausted, but I slept fitfully; I twisted and turned, had dreams that made me wake in a cold sweat, although I could barely remember them. Just fragments, impressions really. The idea of a nightmare, not the nightmare itself.

* * *

_Edward's eyes, looking at me, knowing I'd been with James. His face was twisted in anguish, and he looked both heartbreakingly beautiful and tormented. I kept trying to explain myself, but my voice wouldn't work, so I just stood and gaped while his heart broke._

_. . ._

_I was running through the woods outside the cabin, stumbling occasionally, searching for Edward. Screaming for him. I felt that no matter what, if I could just get back to him, everything would be okay. Then his arms were around me, saying he loved me. "I love you, James." Then I was alone. _

_. . ._

_They were fighting. It sounded like crashing boulders and wild animals, snarling and hissing and colliding. James was stronger, but Edward was faster. I wanted them both to win. I wanted neither of them to win. I couldn't look away._

_. . ._

_Sadness. Fear. I was in Forks, but nothing could make me happy. The feeling of being alone was overwhelming. Suffocating._

_. . ._

_I was falling, spiraling into nowhere. Edward's voice called to me, then James's. I fought to reach them, either of them, but I couldn't. I just kept falling._

_. . ._

_Somehow, someway, even though I'd thought it was impossible, Edward had found me. He stood in the doorway to the cabin, looking like he wanted to kill James. But he wouldn't, for me. James said something, taunting. I could see the reaction in the darkening of his eyes. He called to me, holding one hand out. I took a few steps towards him then remembered James loved me. Turning on my heel, I walked back to my captor. James wrapped one arm around me, laughing at Edward. I frowned at the broken look on his face, confused. "You took too long, little Eddie. She loves me now. Stupid girl." Then he was biting me, and I could feel the venom burning through my veins. I screamed, realizing my mistake. I'd believed the lie, turned my back on the man that really loved me. I looked up, just wanting his face to be the one that I saw last. Edward was still standing in the doorway, looking at James and me, tears flowing down his face. I vaguely registered that that wasn't right... Edward couldn't cry... and he wouldn't cry over me... as I slipped into the darkness._

* * *

I woke to James shaking my shoulders roughly, his voice worried in my ear. "Bella?"

The rain still fell heavily on the roof, and the storm clouds prevented me from being able to judge what time it was based on any light.

"I'm awake," I muttered, blinking my eyes. His lips were moving over my cheeks, and I realized vaguely that he was kissing my tears- I had been crying in my sleep.

"You promised today wouldn't be so intense, Bell. I was counting on it. I can't handle it again," he whispered against my cheeks in between the kisses.

There was a vulnerability in his voice that instantly triggered my guilt; my arms wrapped around him so I could hold him tightly, trying to comfort him yet again. Even though I couldn't control my dreams, I felt bad. We had both had a rather heavy day the day before, and we deserved better on our second house-bound day.

"It was just a dream. You're right. I'm sorry. It will be better. I promise."

The words tumbled out of my mouth in a rush; my voice sleep-roughened and quiet. I wrapped one leg around him then, burying my face against his chest, just holding him as close as I could. Not because I wanted to have sex but because this comforted me, and I hoped it would comfort him.

After a few minutes, I felt him begin to relax, and I sighed in relief, my grip on him relaxing slightly.

"Crisis averted?" James asked hesitantly, tugging at my hair gently so I'd look up at him.

I laughed at the wary look on his face, nodding. "Yeah, I think everything's alright."

He nodded once, seeming satisfied with this answer. I knew the minute his grin appeared that he was up to no good, and he confirmed it when he shifted his hips against me.

With a quick swat at his shoulders, I pulled my hips away from him. "Cut it out! We've been going at it practically nonstop. The human needs a break, a shower, and a toothbrush. Now." Before I could roll away from him and off the cot, James leaned in, sniffing near my mouth then making an awful face, like he'd never smelled anything as offensive.

"Ugh, I agree. Get out of here." I felt his palm connect with the side of my butt, the slight slap seeming to echo in the room. The roar of his laughter quickly drowned out even the sound of the storm outside as he looked at my face, torn between anger and amusement and guilty pleasure.

His laughter was infectious, and soon we were both laughing, curled against one another on the little cot.

"Seriously, go shower. Put some clothes on. Make yourself feel better. I'll wait right here," he insisted, patting the little cot.

Laughing softly still, I climbed off of the cot, swaying my hips as I walked to where the bags of clothes were. I bounced my hips and hummed as I picked out my clothes.

"Bellaaaa." I heard James growl, warning me. I peeked over my shoulder, blushing at the sight of him sitting up on the bed, still naked, his erection evident.

"What?" Absolute innocence. I turned back to the bags, humming and shimmying to the song.

"Now Bella..." His voice trailed off, the warning clear still. This time when I turned around, he was standing on the other side of the cot, looking very much ready to pounce on me. As I watched, he took a slow step towards me. I threw my head back and laughed, wiggling my butt at him. He launched himself over the cot, landing quietly just inches away.

"I warned you!" he growled playfully.

I clutched my clothes in my hands and started to move away, but he wrapped his arms around me, lifting me and spinning me around.

"Now you're mine," he murmured into my ear.

As soon as my feet touched the ground again I ducked down, out of his grasp, and ran from him. He blocked my path in one direction, then the other, his movements a blur until he ended up grinning smugly in front of me, crouching down slightly with his arms wide, ready to catch me. I laughed at the mock-predatory look on his face then ran right under his arm and fled to the bathroom.

I heard him following, but he was using neither his vampire speed nor strength- we were just playing.

The knowledge made me grin; a vampire, playing. Because of me.

I managed to get into the bathroom before him, so I slammed the door shut behind me, clicking the lock and leaning against it, my breathing slightly erratic. He jiggled the doorknob, then I heard his breath heave in a very exaggerated sigh.

"Looks like I lost this time," his voice teased through the door. I paused, knowing there'd be more.

"Don't worry. I'll get you when you come out." I could practically hear the grin in his voice.

I was still smiling as I ran the water and stepped into the shower.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Edward's POV-**

An eternity had passed since there had been a new development in finding Bella—at least that's how it seemed to me. The search area was still too large for my family to cover, and Alice had not come up with anything. Each tick of the clock echoed in my mind, another second, another minute, another hour, another day without Bella.

Without my heart.

Without my soul.

I was utterly incompetent; I had tried to find her and failed. If I couldn't find her, I had obviously never deserved her or her love, in the first place. My thoughts spiraled out of control from there as I reminded myself what a monster I was.

An image flashed in my mind of Bella, battered and broken, her skin even paler than it actually was, no blush warming her cheeks, her eyes shut as if in sleep.

Shaking with fury at myself, I hurled the book in my hands at the wall of my bedroom, satisfied with the cracks it made in the plaster, radiating away from the point of impact. Every mind in the house stilled to focus on my room. Waiting for more. Waiting for the signs that I'd finally cracked. Become a threat to myself, to the family.

I closed my eyes and held completely still. Slowly, hesitantly, they all returned to their previous activities one by one, although they still worried about me.

I wanted to grab them by the shoulders and laugh in their faces. I was here, with my family, in the town where I lived. I was safe or at least my body was.

I absolutely could not understand why they would waste time and effort worrying about me when we all knew it was Bella that deserved their concern. Bella who was kidnapped.

Bella who, as of yet, we had not a single way of finding.

Worse than all of this was the ache in my chest, like Bella really was some place I would never be able to get her back from. It was something I simply refused to accept. The only way we could be separated was by death, and I did not plan to outlive her by any longer than absolutely necessary.

Bothered by my own thoughts, I ran from the room, heading straight to my piano. Ignoring the thoughts of my curious, concerned family. I needed music.

It was the last thing saving me.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Bella's POV-**

James was watching me when I strolled out of the bathroom running my fingers through my hair in lieu of a brush. I didn't mind the natural wave, sometimes, especially not when air drying was my only option.

His eyes raked over me hungrily, and I looked down at myself, alarmed. I had chosen shorts and a dark red fitted t-shirt, plus another set of matching lacy undergarments, but he couldn't see those. I didn't look awful, but had I really warranted that reaction? Noticing the question in my eyes, he shrugged his broad shoulders. He had gotten dressed while I was in the bathroom, thankfully. Neither of us would have lasted long if one of us was naked.

"Your legs look fantastic," he acknowledged, his eyes trailing up, down, then up again as he spoke. When his gaze met mine, there was a definite hint of mischief, and I couldn't help but worry about what he was going to say next. "They look much better with me between them, though."

I shook my head, trying to ignore my blush. "You're awful! Is that all you ever think about?" I asked as I walked towards him.

He'd held his arms out, and when I got close enough, he scooped me into his lap.

"Well, that's not it, but I do think about it a lot. It didn't seem to bother you before." His voice dropped to a low murmur at the last sentence, his teeth nibbling very softly at my ear.

I couldn't help but to gasp and twist out of his arms. Standing in front of him with my hands on my hips, I did my best to look stern.

"I told you I need a break. Humans wear out."

At that moment, my stomach growled. He smirked at me as I grabbed his hand, tugging him up off of the cot.

"Come into the kitchen with me. I need food. You can sit and do nothing just as easily in there as you can out here. It's breakfast time."

"Breakfast time? Really? For the vampire, too?" he teased gently before swinging me up in his arms and moving his mouth to my neck, his teeth just brushing barely across the surface of my skin, so lightly it tickled. I squealed in surprise then erupted into laughter.

"Put me down and let me cook." When he complied without further prodding, I was shocked, but I recovered fairly quickly.

"Go out there and hunt, if you want breakfast so badly," I suggested with a lazy wave of my hand in the direction of the window. "I like my blood just where it is, thank you very much."

At this, I peered over my shoulder at him, my lips curved into a wide grin. He rolled his eyes at me then took a seat at the table, and I turned back to the cabinets. Chuckling at all our teasing as I began getting out ingredients, humming to myself again. My hips shook gently as I started the stovetop, and his growl at the movement had every nerve in my body snapping to attention.

"If you start that again, you're never going to get to eat breakfast," he warned me.

When I turned around, he was just leaning back in the chair with his arms crossed, watching me. His long legs were stretched out in front of him, crossed at the ankles, and he looked so relaxed. But the hunger was present in his eyes, and there was a tightness in his jaw. He wanted me.

I turned back around and bit my lip, trying to ignore the reaction I was having just to seeing that look on his face. Then, feeling mischievous, I shimmied my hips again. His low growl was louder this time, and next thing I knew, his hands were on my hips, spinning me around and lifting me so that I was sitting on the counter.

I was ready for him. My legs parted, and he slipped easily between them, pulling me to the edge of the counter so our bodies were flush against one another. Our mouths met in a frenzy, our teeth cracking together, tongues dipping, lips frantic. His hand slipped under my shirt, cupping one breast and squeezing lightly. I knew he could smell my arousal already, even though we'd just barely begun touching. His fingers closed down on the bud of my nipple, pinching just barely, but it drove me crazy. I ground myself against his hips and moaned into his mouth, tangled my hands in his hair so that I could hold his mouth tight against mine.

"You're going to kill me," he stated as his kisses trailed across my cheek, towards my ear. When his tongue flicked against the sensitive spot just below it, I gasped, my hands flexing in his hair causing his breath to hiss against my skin. His other hand wound gently in my hair, tugging just hard enough to force my head back. Stretching my neck out in front of him as he pulled back. My hands fell from his hair, skimming down his body, tracing his muscles with my fingertips. Memorizing the lines of his body. My fingers curled against him when he squeezed down lightly on my nipple again. He was watching my face for my reactions to him.

He pulled at my hair again, grinding his hips against mine slowly and groaning when my mouth fell open, and my fingers curved into his skin. I tightened my legs around his hips, gasping, "please."

He ignored me, instead leaning his head down so he could kiss my neck. Tasting the skin over the vein because he didn't dare open it. His mouth moved upwards until he was at my ear, and then he started talking.

"You have no idea how good your hands feel on me, Bella," he whispered into my ear, arching his back against my hands as he spoke. "They're so hot. When you sleep, it's all I can think about. Your hot little hands and your hot little mouth... all...over...my body."

I was practically panting as I rubbed against him. He was barely touching me now- his hand in my hair was just enough to keep my head back, his hand on my breast was still, and his hips had stilled. Just his mouth... leaving sinful, icy, wet kisses against my skin. His mouth that wreaked absolute havoc on my body. His mouth that hadn't stopped whispering dirty things to me, something he hadn't done much of thus far, but something that was driving me completely insane. He told me about imagining me sucking him; he told me about imagining taking me from behind. Tasting me. He described so many fantasies that I lost count, still not moving aside from his mouth.

"Do you dream about me, Bella?" he questioned, breaking the routine. When I didn't answer, his hand tightened in my hair so that the sensation bordered on pain.

"Do you dream about this?" His hips rotated against mine, forcing his erection against me.

I wanted to cry- this wasn't enough. This wasn't what I wanted.

I wanted... no, I _needed_ more.

"Do you dream about me fucking you, Bella?" His voice demanded, rough, just as needy as I felt. Knowing he needed me as desperately as I needed him shattered my last inhibition, and suddenly I couldn't stop talking.

"Yes James. God, yes. Yes, yes, yes, to everything yes! Just touch me, please," I begged, my hands struggling with his jeans, fumbling with the snap.

I had managed to undo the snap and slide the zipper down before James erupted into action, lifting me with one arm and quickly removing my shorts and panties. Then he was driving into me, and I felt like I could finally breath.

My hands fisted in his hair again, tugging as I rubbed my body against him, practically purring. Everything about him felt good. One hand stayed splayed across the pale skin of my hip, steadying me for each thrust, but the other wound itself in my hair again so that my neck curved for him.

I was completely gone, lost to the sensations, moving and stretching and rubbing against him to maximize the pleasure for both of us when his mouth found it's way to my neck again. Kissing, licking, his teeth grazing lightly.

Faintly, in the back of my mind, it registered that James hadn't fed since he'd come home to me last, which was less often than he was used to. But I wasn't afraid. I didn't have it in me to be afraid, not now. His hard rhythm continued, his hips pumping between my legs.

"James...ah- um-" I gasped as he hit a sweet spot, my legs tightening on his hips to the point where it was almost causing me pain. "James- oh, God- I'm close," I finally managed. He moaned against my neck, and the pace of his hips began to increase. I felt his teeth at my neck, pressing, pressing, pressing.

Right as the pressure on my skin began to toe the line between pleasure and pain, I came, my muscles squeezing at James, my fingers pulling harder at his hair than I'd ever dare to touch a human, the soft noises coming from my mouth surprising me. He tore his face away from my neck and released his hold on my hair to meet my gaze. As he stared into my eyes, I felt his release deep inside of me.

It wasn't for several more moments that I felt like I had enough energy to move at all. I just held James to me with my legs wrapped around him, his cock still buried inside me. I felt James reaching beyond me but didn't have it in me to care why.

"Bella," he murmured, taking my face gently in both hands.

His eyes were warm as he looked down on me, lips curved in a smile. He was looking at me with such love, and tenderness. I mirrored the look, letting my love for him shine.

"Yes?"

"I think we burnt your breakfast."

I looked at him in shock for a few seconds then giggled. Then the giggling became a quiet laugh. The quiet laugh became genuine laughter. The genuine laughter began to border on hysterics. I threw my arms around his neck, leaning to peck him dramatically on the lips.

Sometimes, being with James was just so easy.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Edward's POV-**

I was sitting at my piano letting my fingers trail listlessly over the black and ivory keys when Alice approached me. I turned my head slowly, annoyed that she would interrupt me. The rest of the family had left to go hunting when I emerged from my room; Alice had stayed, but I'd expected her to leave me alone.

Any trace of annoyance vanished when I saw the triumphant expression on her face.

"Edward. That vision happens _tonight_."

I just stared at her, my fingers stilling. Tonight... I frowned, glancing out the window. The rain poured, much as it had been for the past few days. The storm was worse than the usual sprinkles and most of the humans were concerned. I shook my head, refusing to believe what Alice was telling me.

I had narrowed Bella's location to the Northwest... but there was no way she had been that close and I hadn't noticed.

Alice walked closer with her hands stretched out in front of her, as if in supplication. When she reached the piano bench, she cradled my head in her hands, speaking to me as one might when comforting a child.

"Edward, stop. Listen to me. Bella is in Washington. Or if she's not in it, she's really close. We're going to find her. We know where to look now."

My mind erupted as what she was saying finally sank in.

Bella was here.

Well, not here, but she was close.

"We need to get the family together. We have to find her," I insisted, standing. She merely nodded, and then we both were running, splitting in two directions to find the rest of the family.

My thoughts were going a million different directions, but they all had one thing in common: Bella.

We had to find Bella. She had been in Washington the entire time.

James had literally hidden her right under my nose. Far enough that I couldn't smell either of them, but I'd never expected him to risk it and bring her back to the state I lived in. I shuddered as I realized that either I was giving James way too much credit, or I wasn't giving him enough.

Either way, I needed to figure it out before we went head to head.

Before I got my revenge.

Before I rescued Bella.

_I'm going to find you, Bella. I'm coming. Don't worry._

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Bella's POV-**

Eventually, I got to eat. It took two more tries before I managed to get something edible. One attempt had been foiled by James insisting he cook for me, and I'd ruined the next one when I was distracted by the delightfully wicked things James was describing to me, even though he never touched me again, and he stayed on the other side of the room. For a brief period, the clouds outside had cleared, and I realized it was much later than I thought. Breakfast was more like a late lunch, but it didn't really surprise me, after my fitful night of sleep.

We spent the day teasing each other, touching each other, laughing, playing. It was the best I'd felt in a long time. I only thought of Edward once or twice, and when I did, I was able to hide it from James.

Overall, I was happy.

At one point, I forced James from the cabin to go hunt. I simply smiled at him through the window as he locked me in. It didn't bother me, anymore.

As he walked away, I felt my stomach drop. As happy as we were, something had to change.

Change was coming, I could feel it.

I just didn't know that it was coming at vampire speeds.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**


	13. Chapter 13

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE AND DISCLAIMER:**_

_**Stephenie Meyer is the author of Twilight. She owns the characters, and the Twilight Series. I'm just offering an alternate possibility.**_

_**I am eternally grateful to Jmeyer for acting as my beta. **_

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Bella's POV-**

The storm had only gotten stronger by the next morning; every time I expected it to have finally tired, it roared back to life even angrier than before. The thunder crashed, each roll continuing for several minutes, and the rain poured. In the eerie quiet of morning I felt the first twinge of worry- so much rain couldn't be good, but I simply hadn't worried about it, because I'd been too distracted by James.

"What's wrong?" James mumbled against my throat and my quickening pulse; he had taken to spending most of our time together with his face buried against my throat, just breathing, smelling. I suppose it should have bothered me, but it didn't.

"Um, nothing?" I could hardly think when his lips were moving on my skin. My eyebrows drew together, and I frowned. Wait, I had been worried about something. "The rain. I mean, the storm. Is it ever going to stop?"

His quiet laughing shook the cot. I imagine three days didn't seem like anything to him; he was a vampire, after all, and even older than Edward. "Why, are you in a hurry for me to spend my days out of here again?" he teased, never moving from my neck. I rolled my eyes, and this time it was my turn to laugh.

"That's not what I'm worried about. You can just get up and leave, but I love people out there, and if there's like a freak flood or something, I can drown. The storm has been awful, and it just won't quit," I explained, glancing over his shoulder out the window. I could barely see five feet into the rain pouring down outside the little porch.

"You hang out with vampires, and a storm scares you?" James asked, his tone blatantly amused.

"Well, duh. Vampires I can woo," I purred, rubbing my body against James's, not stopping until I felt him harden against my thigh. Then I shifted away, ignoring his protesting groan. "But storms? They just resist my best attempts at charming."

We both laughed, and I couldn't help but marvel again at how easy things between the two of us felt sometimes. He wasn't so tortured, and he let himself just enjoy our time together.

"You certainly do seem to have a way with vampires. But you're really polarizing. The Cullens are all like adoring pups trailing after you, except for maybe the pretty blonde, and I'm awfully fond of you, but Victoria hated you instantly."

I bristled at the mention of Victoria. His lips brushed against my skin again, and when he began speaking, I could feel his smile as well as hear it in his voice. "I wonder why that is? Do you make them jealous, Isabella?"

I tensed in his arms, frowning entirely now. "Well, Victoria would have a reason to be jealous, now wouldn't she?" I snapped, not even regretting the acid in my voice. "After all, you're in my bed now, aren't you?" I reached my hand down to my thigh, and then wrapped my hand around him.

No, I wasn't interested in doing anything. I was tired, and sore, but I wanted to remind him that I was the one making him feel like that. Me. The human.

I trailed my foot along his calf, and my voice was low when I continued speaking. "After all, I'm the one you just can't get enough of, right?" He groaned against my throat, and I thought I felt him grow even harder in my hand.

"In fact, I don't see Victoria anywhere near here. I just see you and me, naked, much like we've spent the majority of the past two days. Because we've had more sex in this past week than some people have in an entire lifetime. Because you don't ever stop wanting me. Because it's me, not Victoria, that really does it for you. So who could blame her for being jealous?"

The dark emotion overcoming me was new; I wasn't used to this need to claim, to remind him that he was mine, the urge to completely wipe Victoria from his thoughts. I had experienced some jealousy with Edward- when he told me of Tanya, when Jessica ogled him, when any girl looked at him too appreciatively. But I had understood; who wouldn't be awestruck by him? I had felt honored that he'd chosen me.

There was no positive side to this emotion filling me now. I did not feel any benevolence toward this woman who knew James long before I had. It was strange, this new jealousy. This greed, as far as James went. But so long as he knew he was mine, that was all that mattered.

"I hope you plan on doing something about the little problem you've created." James mumbled, his voice sounding strained.

I realized then that every muscle in his body was tense, and he was hardly breathing, just a shaky inward drag followed by an equally shaky hiss. My little tirade had turned him on. I giggled at the thought, the dark feeling leaving my body. Then I slipped from his arms; I'd hardly gotten to standing when his hand closed around my wrist, holding me so I couldn't walk away.

"Bella, I'm serious. Please." His voice was low, his eyes dark and tumultuous as he looked up at me from beneath shockingly long eyelashes. I almost gave in to the sound of his low, rough voice asking please.

"I'm sore. Your sex drive is kind of out of control, James." I knew that wasn't true. He just had the sex drive and physical stamina of a vampire, and I obviously did not.

"You little tease," he joked, grinning widely. His hand tugged lightly at my wrist, intending to send me tumbling onto the cot with him, but I resisted. His eyes hardened as he looked at me, and I couldn't help but move my attention to his free hand as it slid down his own body, eventually curving around his length. My lips parted in shock as I looked back up to him. He dropped my wrist and waved me away.

"Okay. I'll take care of it myself. I've done it before. Here, even." I looked confused at that, and James just laughed before continuing. "Go on, Bell. I'll be fine."

He might be fine, but I wasn't sure I was going to be. I felt like the temperature in the room had skyrocketed, and I couldn't move my eyes from his hand. One hand pushed shakily through my tousled hair, and then I wrapped my arms around myself to keep from reaching out to touch him. It was so tempting... but watching him was something new.

"You did this here?" I asked, surprised by how hoarse my voice sounded.

I saw his lips twitch in a smile, and then he nodded jerkily, never ceasing the rhythm of his hand. I thought I saw him inhale deeply, and the blush spread furiously across my cheeks and chest when I came to the realization that he was smelling me. That it was helping him get off.

"When?" I prompted, biting the corner of my lips. I was in shock that he had begun to touch himself in front of me and even more shocked that I couldn't look away. I couldn't leave. I just stood next to the bed and gawked, my eyes devouring his body.

"Christ, I don't know, Bella. One night you were talking in your sleep, mumbling things about me. I could smell your arousal. I couldn't help it. I'm not going to apologize." His voice was still tight, and he sounded distracted when he spoke to me, like he wasn't really focused on me. Which made sense, considering he wasn't. He had an entirely different focus for the moment.

"How d-" I began, but James's voice cut me off.

"Bell, baby, I love you, but you need to either shut up, get out, or fucking _help me_." My mouth clamped shut, but I couldn't leave. I wanted to see him do this for himself, although that I wanted to embarrassed me.

For a few moments, I just stood and watched him. Twice I reached out to touch him before pulling my hand back to myself.

"What do you think about?" I whispered before I could stop myself.

James looked at me, his hand slowing. "Um. Different things. It used to be different women, different positions. Lately it's been just you," he admitted, before turning his attention back to his task.

If asked, I would swear I didn't mean to ask another question. "What am I doing?"

He groaned in frustration, glancing at me from the corner of his eyes again. "You've heard the saying curiosity killed the cat, haven't you Bella?"

"I'm sorry..." I went to walk away, the blush burning my face yet again, but his hand shot out to stop me.

"No. Stay. I'll tell you. Just bear with me. This is kind of a personal thing, y'know?" It sounded like every word took more effort than the last.

I glanced to his hand, saw that he'd begun increasing his pace. He laced the fingers of his other hand with mine, squeezing lightly.

"I was just remembering our first time. Against the wall. I couldn't get enough of you. I still can't. Fuck, Bella." I saw him falling apart, unraveling at the edges, the release building up. "I've never been with a human before. You're so _hot. _It makes me feel like I'm burning alive but in the best way. And so tight, too. And soft." He groaned now, his thumb rubbing my hand lightly. "You're softer than anything else on the planet."

His grasp on my hand tightened, and I could feel the bones beginning to grind together, but the pain was minimal, so I didn't say anything. I was too distracted anyways, because his pace just kept increasing, and then he came, moaning my name even though I hadn't touched him.

His face was beautiful when he let go like that. I didn't have anything to compare it to, I'd never even seen Edward in such an expression, but I imagined that it was even better than how Edward would look because James's beauty wasn't painful to me. There were definitely times where I looked at Edward and his beauty, and the contrast between us physically hurt me. The sight of him coming like I'd seen James do so many times might just kill me.

Well, if I ever got the chance to see that.

I walked to the bathroom, my mind focused only on taking care of James. When I returned moments later with a towel so he could clean up after himself, he laughed.

"God, Bella. I love you." He relaxed on the little cot, shutting his eyes and taking a deep breath. His eyes flashed open, concern in his eyes. "Baby, do you need..." He voice trailed off but his fingers danced across the outside of my thighs, making his meaning clear.

"Oh! No, no, I'll be fine."

James frowned, making it clear that he didn't like my answer. I leaned over, pressing my lips to his, letting him kiss me, letting him brand me as his, pulling away when the temptation to crawl back onto the cot with him began to cloud my mind.

"C'mon, it wouldn't be very fair of me to refuse to help you out then make you get me off," I teased, grinning when he nodded in agreement.

"Y'know, I didn't know you had it in you. That jealousy... green flatters you, Bella." Amusement glittered in his eyes as he looked up at me. Then his face became more serious, his voice strong as he reassured me. "But Bella, don't worry about Victoria. You're the only one I want. I'm yours."

The smirk that curved my lips was entirely unintentional, but James didn't seem to mind. I nodded swiftly, happy with his reassurance.

"Okay, well, now that that's cleared up, I need to shower. I'll be out in a little bit."

I went over to the bags of clothes and began picking through them for an outfit, as was my routine. Routine... I frowned, reflecting on the word. Had I really gotten so used to existing here that I had a routine? The thought both troubled and comforted me. Shrugging it off, I gathered the clothes and walked into the bathroom.

Whatever it was, I was happy.

***********

Walking out of the bathroom, I was greeted with the smell of cooking. I almost groaned out loud. Edward had tried to cook for me once and failed miserably. It all tasted like dirt to him, he said, so he had no way of telling if it was worse than usual. I had smiled and eaten it good-naturedly in an attempt to sooth his fears. But really, it had been awful. I didn't know if I could do it again.

When I rounded the corner into the little kitchen, I was shocked to see the little table covered with a cloth, a complete place setting near my chair, with a cup in the center of the table holding a handful of flowers in water. The omelet on my plate actually looked edible, as did the toast next to it.

James turned around as I walked into the room, scowling at the grin and wonder on my face. "It's just breakfast. It kept me busy while you were showering. I hate being bored."

His hair was wet, and I realized he'd gone outside to get the flowers, although his outfit was entirely dry.

I couldn't help myself any more; I launched myself across the room and into his arms, feathering kisses across his face. "Thank you. It's very sweet."

He rolled his eyes at me as he placed me in my chair, standing next to me with his hands on his hips, the expression on his face stern. "Eat. Now."

"Yes sir!" I shot back, stifling my laughter against my hand. It was pointless though, because when I noticed his muffled laughter, my own broke free. Regardless, I turned my attention to the breakfast and began eating. "You know, you can sit down. I promise not to run off in the middle of breakfast."

"Oh, I know. I like the view."

I looked down, blushing at the low cut shirt I wore, and then pushing at James. "Go on, sit down. Stop ogling me and let me eat, huh?"

James was still chuckling when he sat down across from me, sinking low in his chair and stretching his legs out, arms crossed across his chest as he watched me. His legs reached between my feet and beneath my chair because the table was so small. I caught the hem of his jeans, nudging it upward with my bare foot so I could touch his skin.

"Stop touching me and eat, huh?" James countered, his tone lilting.

A wide grin curved his mouth, mischief evident in his eyes. I just shook my head at him and laughed, then began to eat my breakfast.

"You know, I could get used to this," I joked once I'd finished, waving my hand over the table.

Edward and Charlie were both disastrous in the kitchen. I was always cooking, it seemed.

When James answered me, his voice seemed oddly serious.

"I could too." His eyes were intent on my face, and the strangest emotion was storming through them. I met his gaze squarely, head tilted slightly, confused by the sudden turn in the feeling of the room.

Suddenly, I didn't feel like we were talking about breakfast anymore.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**


	14. Chapter 14

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE AND DISCLAIMER:**_

_**Stephenie Meyer is the author of Twilight. She owns the characters, and the Twilight Series. I'm just offering an alternate possibility.**_

_**I am eternally grateful to Jmeyer for acting as my beta. **_

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Bella's POV-**

_"You know, I could get used to this," I joked once I'd finished, waving my hand over the table. Edward and Charlie were both disastrous in the kitchen. I was always cooking, it seemed._

_When James answered me, his voice seemed oddly serious._

_"I could too." His eyes were intent on my face, the strangest emotion storming through them. I met his gaze squarely, head tilted slightly, confused by the sudden turn in the feeling of the room._

_Suddenly, I didn't feel like we were talking about breakfast anymore._

"Um... what?" I asked lamely. James grinned, but it only lasted a split second before the very serious look was back on his face.

"I love you, Bella," he began, his eyes never straying from mine. "I like our routine. I like spending our days teasing each other and making love. I like that you wake up to me in the morning, and you wrap yourself around me at night. I don't want to lose that."

My mouth opened as I struggled to form words, to form the appropriate words, preferably, but any words would do.

"James... I..." I shut my eyes, taking a deep breath.

Allowing myself time to gather my thoughts. All I could think was that I needed to touch him; I needed to be in his arms, if we were going to have a discussion this serious. Unthinkingly, I stood up and went over to James, folding myself into his lap. I sighed in relief when his strong arms closed around me, holding me close.

Still, I didn't speak. But finally, I felt like I could think.

"You don't have to lose it, James," I said after a lengthy pause. "No one has found us yet. Who knows what my school thinks. I want to finish high school eventually, but that doesn't mean you have to lose me." My voice was getting louder, and I bounced in his lap as my plan became clearer to me.

"We'll do this the proper way. Eventually, we'll go back. You can say you found me! You can't live close to town, I don't want anyone in Forks being in danger, but we could still see each other. Then when I'm finished with high school, we could really be together. James, you won't have to give anything up. We'll have plenty of time to devote to this same routine. It'll be perfect."

James's arms tightened around me, and he refused to meet my gaze. "What about _him_?" he whispered.

Him. Edward. My supposed other half.

I buried my face against James's chest, trying to ignore the pain. Thinking of Edward still tore my heart in two. He felt so distant that I wanted to mourn his loss, grieve for the love I'd lost, but I hadn't been able to. I'd been too caught up with James. With a new love, and a new future. Images flitted across my memory.

_Edward, speeding across the parking lot to save me from the van. The concern in his eyes._

_Edward, his face illuminated by the dashboard lights as we sped down a dark Washington road. "Distract me."_

_Edward, sitting in the cafeteria. Grinning. Beckoning me with a finger._

_Edward, the first time he revealed himself to me in the sun._

_Edward, as he leaned in to kiss me for the first time._

_Edward, looking so tortured as he bent to kiss me one last time._

_"Be safe."_

_Then, James. "Do you always wake up mad?" he asked, sounding simultaneously confused, amused, and perplexed. I didn't want to answer, but I'd already given him half the explanation so I might as well give him the rest, I reasoned. "I thought you had left." Then, his lips on mine. Rough. Claiming my mouth as his own._

_Me, whispering- "this is so wrong-" before I threw myself at James. Us against the door, really together for the first time._

_"I love you, I love you, I love you," We were on the cot, moving against one another, and I just kept repeating it, tears streaming from my eyes. "I love you too, Bella," James answered, wiping my tears away carefully._

_James, after I'd asked him why he didn't kill me. Rocking me, comforting me. "Bella... just because that was the reason why I didn't kill you originally doesn't mean that's why you're still alive now. I love you. I don't like it, but there it is. It started as a game, but I love you." _

_The two of us in the kitchen, his voice low in my ear. "Do you dream about me, Bella?"_

_Edward's face, close to mine, whispering "I love you" became James, smiling brilliantly, murmuring the same thing._

"He's gone, James. He didn't find me. He isn't going to. I'm here with you." My voice was rougher, sadder than I'd intended. But I reached up and grasped his face in my hands, leaning to kiss him. "I love you, James. We can be together. We can make this work."

"God, Bella..." His arms tightened around me almost to the point of pain, and his mouth crashed against mine: lips, teeth, tongues colliding. "I can't lose you now. We'll have to find a way to make it work, because I just can't lose this."

I eased my way out of the kiss, moving my lips gently against his.

"You're not going to lose me, James. I promise."

We sat there, unmoving, just talking to each other for hours. I asked about his human memories, his life before me. He asked about my childhood, my family, Phoenix; he carefully avoided my time in Forks and wisely did not bring up Edward or the Cullens. I never managed to get more than a chuckle from him, and his voice when he answered my questions was almost monotone, although it erred on desperate when he asked me questions, attempting to pull more information from me.

After awhile, it became too much. It had gotten impossibly dark outside, the rain still pouring down, lightening illuminating the forest eerily right outside the window. I stretched against him and rested my forehead against his.

The strange, serious expression was still there; I didn't like it, not even a little. It made me anxious.

I smiled at him, wrapping my arms around his neck. Finally, a smile curved his lips. My smile widened into a triumphant grin.

"You probably know more about me than I do by now. We've spent several days just asking questions since we got here. And I'm fairly boring," I pointed out, arching an eyebrow at him.

"I find you very, very interesting, Isabella. But alright- what else do you suggest we do?" His lips were still curved in a smile, although the haunted look did not leave his eyes.

I wasn't sure what to do, how to cope with this alarming behavior from him. From Edward, I would have expected it. But not from James. I could think of only one thing that would guarantee a better mood.

My fingers threaded through James's hair, tugging lightly as I shifted in his lap. "How about we go to bed?" My voice was low, and I hoped seductive.

I struggled not to clap with glee when the emotion in his eyes flared, shifting from haunted to aroused in that split second.

"I think that is a wonderful suggestion."

He stood up, shifting one arm so I was cradled in his arms against his chest. He didn't even pretend it took any effort; by the time I blinked, we were next to the cot, and he was lowering me carefully onto it.

"You're so beautiful," he murmured, looking down at me.

I felt the blush burn across my cheeks and was grateful when he joined me, stretching out slowly on top of me. He was heavy, but it was a welcome weight- it kept me grounded, tied to the moment. My mind couldn't wander as easily when I was surrounded by James.

When he was situated between my thighs, his lips pressed against mine. Moving slowly, gently.

Immediately, my hands slipped beneath his shirt, simply touching. Stroking lightly along the skin. I would never tire of touching him; his skin was so cool, so silky. Perfect. I felt the moan rumble through his chest when my fingers trailed across his nipples, causing a very feminine satisfaction to spread through me. The fact that I could get him so worked up absolutely thrilled me.

His mouth pulled away from mine, peppering little kisses along my jaw, tracing it up until he'd reached my ear.

"Something isn't right," James whispered.

I froze, my hands stilling on his body. Something wasn't right? Didn't he want me? I opened my mouth to ask him, but he held a finger to my lips.

"Not you, Bell. Something isn't right outside. Something's going on with this little game that I haven't prepared for."

I struggled not to gape at him, because I had no idea what in the hell he was talking about, and he wasn't explaining. But he looked at me, smiled warmly, and leaned so that he could press a warm kiss to my lips, and I quickly forgot there was ever a problem.

"I'm going to go check it out," he murmured. "I'll be back before you even know it."

And with that he climbed off of the cot, backing towards the door.

"You wait right there, alright? I'm not locking the door. No funny business."

Laughing, I rolled my eyes then stretched out on the little cot. Waving him away with a little motion of my wrist. But I was smiling.

"Get out of here, see what's wrong, and hurry back. I won't move a muscle."

It wasn't even five minutes later that James burst through the door, his expression tight, worried. His hand grasped my arm tightly as he tried to lift me from the cot and push me in the direction of the bathroom without using too much force.

"Bella, get in there, now. Shut the door and wait for me to tell you it's okay to come out." His voice was rough and commanding.

Struggling in his grasp, I glared up at him. "What in the hell do you think you're doing? What's going on?"

He just ignored me and lifted me into his arms, depositing me in the bathroom himself.

"James, damn it, tell me what's going on!" I demanded, my hand closing around his wrist, tugging as hard as I could just to stop him.

"James? I'm scared…" I whimpered, pouting up at him. Okay, so it was fighting dirty. But if he was going to ignore me, I had to find a way around that.

He just looked at me and groaned, shoving his free hand through his hair anxiously.

"Victoria is out there somewhere. I need to try to stop her from coming to the cabin. If she..." His voice trailed off, then he slammed a fist into the doorway, cursing low in his throat. The wood splintered, buckling under the force of his hand. I reached out a hand to soothe him before I even realized what I was doing.

"God damn it, Bella, if she finds out about us, she's going to want to kill you," he rasped, his eyes boring into mine. Begging me to understand.

Begging me to be safe.

I leaned up to press my mouth to his, parting my lips in silent request. I needed him to kiss me. I needed to know things were going to be okay.

I needed this to get me through it if they weren't.

For a second, he relented, claiming my mouth in a way only he could. His lips worked mine, his tongue stroked inside my mouth, his teeth nipped softly at the flesh of my lip. And then he was gone, leaving the cabin's front door to slam shut behind him. For a moment I just stood there, watching the door and waiting for him to come back inside and tell me this was all a sick joke. Then I shut the door to the bathroom as he'd instructed, to wait for him to return.

Then it all came crashing down.

I rested my weight against the bathroom door, pressing my fist against my mouth. Willing myself to calm down, to breath, to not let my heart get out of control. Victoria was here. She was angry. She wanted me dead.

Not only that, but those feelings were only going to get stronger, because when she got close enough to James, she would be able to smell me all over him. A small part of me thrilled at the thought, but the part of me concerned with staying alive recognized that as something I didn't want to happen.

I knew James had gone out to meet her, to try to stop her from coming to the cabin. I waited, listening intently for the first sign of their arrival, but I couldn't hear anything over the storm. It had gotten impossibly strong; the winds battered the little cabin, and the tiniest little leak had begun in the ceiling, the water dripping slowly onto the floor in front of me.

After what was most likely just a few seconds but seemed like eternity, the front door opened, and the angry sounds of their arguing drifted beneath the door. They were speaking so rapidly I had trouble keeping up, but for the most part, I managed.

"You were supposed to call me to come join you!" Victoria accused angrily, her voice seething with anger.

"I was busy," was all James said, his voice low, curt.

"Busy _fucking your little human whore_!" I flinched at the words, wanting to defend myself. Wanting him to defend me. I waited, listening for his defense. The words that came next almost broke my heart.

"I was bored, Victoria. She served a purpose. And just imagine the lovesick one's reaction when he finds out."

"You wouldn't have _been_ bored if you'd done what we talked about. Killed her, fought the brat, then called me so we could move on!"

James' voice sounded much angrier when he answered her next; I could almost picture his face as he said the words. "I do not have to defend myself to you. You follow me. Not the other way around. If I want to kill her, that's okay. If I want to turn her, that's okay. And if I want to keep her alive and fuck her whenever I want, _that's okay_. It's not like she means anything to me."

"Oh, really? Not anything? Then you won't mind if I just get this over with and kill her now, right?"

Her voice was getting closer to the door. I could feel my heartbeat skyrocketing at the same time it felt like it was breaking. I shut my eyes, hoping, praying that he would find it in his heart to stop her. Okay, so all the "I love you"s had been lies. But he had to care for me. I'd seen it in his eyes. I'd felt it in the way he touched me sometimes. He might not love me, but he cared, on some level, he cared, and surely that was enough to safe my life.

Wasn't it?

"Go ahead." He laughed, and his voice was just as far as before. So he hadn't moved towards her, or me. "Actually, that would be great. It'll save me the trouble. Although I have much more of an element of surprise."

"Well then. Let's get this taken care of."

Victoria's voice was so close. I stood up, scrambling to get away. My foot hit the water and slid out from under me.

I barely had time to gasp at the pain from the muscle pulling when my head crashed into the wall. Tears sprang to my eyes as I struggled to sit up, clasping one hand around my ankle and pressing the other to my forehead, the pain radiating in waves from my ankle and my head. I just wanted to lay down and take a nap, let my head stop spinning.

Victoria threw the door open then, and the light from the next room illuminated her from behind so that her hair looked like fire, curling wildly around her very beautiful, very angry face. I struggled to stand up, the urge to run nearly choking me with its urgency, but I just crashed back to the ground. When I put my hands out to catch myself, there was blood absolutely covering one of them.

It was at that point that I registered several things.

I was bleeding.

I could not walk.

Victoria wanted to kill me, and now I couldn't even pretend I had a chance to get away.

Both Victoria and James looked very, very hungry.

And there was someone else in the doorway.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Edward's POV-**

_Too late, too late, you're too late_. My conscience chanted, the words in time to the rapid beat of my feet on the forest floor as I ran. I was soaking wet, but I just kept running. We had searched and searched. It had taken longer than we thought to cover the search area, and so far it had been fruitless. The timeline for Alice's vision had come and gone. I was afraid that Victoria had already killed Bella. But I needed to find her anyways.

I needed to know for sure what had happened.

I needed to get my revenge on James.

Jasper had been trying to convince me to give up when I caught Victoria's scent. I assumed it was fairly recent, considering all the rain. Cities were being evacuated. Counties were in states of emergency. It stormed, and it stormed, and it stormed some more. But I had managed to smell her, to identify her, so surely that meant it was recent.

From that moment on, my thoughts had been focused only on Bella.

In the distance, I could see the faint outline of a building, a soft glow coming from the windows. Light.

The cabin.

_Bella_.

It was like tunnel vision. Every ounce of my being was focused on that one pinpoint of light, and I ran faster than I've ever run before. I didn't even think to yell for the family. Bella was all that mattered.

Bella was all that had ever mattered.

I didn't still until I'd busted straight through the door. Immediately, Bella's scent washed over me, soothing me. I could hear her heartbeat. Alice was wrong. She had been wrong. She was a day off. Victoria was here now, and Bella was alive.

Both James and Victoria wheeled around, their faces twisted in shock, anger. Briefly, I registered regret at not calling my family. I couldn't fight them both and get Bella to safety at the same time. But then my eyes found her: huddled on the bathroom floor, blood trickling down the side of her face, pain evident in her expression.

_Save Bella! _My internal voice demanded.

So I did. Moving completely on instinct, with a speed even I had never known before, I slipped past both of them into the bathroom and gathered Bella into my arms, shielding her as best as I could with my body. Victoria began to advance, growling low in her throat, but then suddenly James was yanking her back into the kitchen, in a move I did not understand.

I heard the crashing, the loud cracks and sharp hisses that indicated they were fighting.

Bella gripped my neck tightly, her shoulders shaking with the force of her sobs as she simply repeated my name over and over again.

"Shh, Bella. It's me. I'm here. I'm going to save you," I whispered rapidly, yanking a towel from the shower rod to cover her with.

I was thankful for James stopping Victoria, whatever his motivation was. Perhaps I'd kill him a bit quicker when the time came. But for now, my only focus was Bella. I had failed her before, and I would not do the same now.

I needed to get Bella to safety.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Bella's POV-  
**

I was in shock that Edward was there. Everything was happening so fast, one second I was sure either Victoria or James was going to kill me, the next Edward was there, gathering me into his arms, and the next we were out the door, running into the storm. I thought I saw James looking out the door, his expression almost sad, but surely I was seeing things.

My brain barely had time to process what was happening, and my emotions were tangled; on one hand, I felt like my heart was breaking- I still remembered James's words, his cool acceptance when Victoria said she was going to kill me. But on the other hand, I felt gloriously whole, like I'd had the most important part of myself restored to me. I had Edward back.

Edward, my love.

Edward, my soul mate.

Edward, the only thing that mattered.

I looked up at his face in awe, his beauty absolutely shattering my heart. He was even more perfect than I remembered.

"Edward," I sighed, my awe evident in my voice.

His arms tightened around me as he looked down, his lips pressed tightly together. He looked furious, which confused me, but when he spoke, his voice was soft and musical.

"I've got you now, Bella. I love you. We're going home."

I nodded, burying my face against his chest. Inhaling deeply the sweet smell I'd so missed. _Edward, _my heart sighed. Everything was right. I was with Edward. I was safe. I was going home.

Home...

Somewhere in the pits of my mind, there was a single note of alarm. _Wrong! _it screamed.

_Stop!_

I ignored it.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**


	15. Chapter 15 James POV

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE AND DISCLAIMER:**_

_**Stephenie Meyer is the author of Twilight. She owns the characters, and the Twilight Series. I'm just offering an alternate possibility.**_

_**I am eternally grateful to Jmeyer for acting as my beta. **_

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**James' POV-**

"You know, I could get used to this," Bella teased, looking over the remains of her breakfast. Her eyes seemed distant, and I knew she was thinking of _him. _

I clenched my fists, forcing myself to calm down. I hated that she still thought of him. Because try as she might to hide it, I could tell every single fucking time he entered her mind.

He had no right to be there. He hadn't been able to protect her from me, and he hadn't been able to find her since then. Bella was mine now. I'd told her as much. I'd told her I loved her. But nothing seemed to be able to stop that haunted look from overtaking her eyes that told me she was thinking of Edward.

I was practically killing myself trying to be enough for her, trying to show her that I could be kind, and gentle, and take care of her. I was a "dangerous" person by nature, but I was doing my best to change that for Bella.

Every time I did something nice, or sweet, it backfired- she thought of Edward and grew a little bit further away from me. I wanted to be everything she needed and wanted. I wanted to be the same loud, angry James I'd always been and have it be enough. I wanted her to choose me. I wasn't willing to give her up. It just wasn't an option. She was mine.

"So could I," I responded, hoping to shake her from those thoughts. The words came out rougher than I intended, but she'd probably just write it off, I assumed.

Confusion flickered across her face before she spoke. "Um... what?"

I almost laughed. I wanted to kiss her. But now was not the time. I wanted her to know that she was mine, as surely as I knew I was hers.

"I love you, Bella. I like our routine. I like spending our days teasing each other and making love. I like that you wake up to me in the morning, and you wrap yourself around me at night. I don't want to lose that."

I saw the color peak in her cheeks as the confusion only spread across her face. Her mouth worked- stupid humans functioned so slowly. She started to speak then stopped. I watched as she slowly stood up from the table, drifting over to me. Instinctually, I opened my arms to her. Held her. If she needed this, I would do my best to provide it. It would soothe both of us.

"You don't have to lose it, James. No one has found us yet. Who knows what my school thinks. I want to finish high school eventually, but that doesn't mean you have to lose me," Bella said after what seemed like forever. She bounced in my lap, her heart's pace rapidly increasing. _Oh God, she's come up with a "solution." _

"We'll do this the proper way. Eventually, we'll go back. You can say you found me! You can't live close to town, I don't want anyone in Forks being in danger, but we could still see each other. Then when I'm finished with high school, we could really be together. James, you won't have to give anything up. We'll have plenty of time to devote to this same routine. It'll be perfect."

I almost laughed at her. I didn't understand how she could ever consider that a real plan. The brat would kill me, or I'd get tired of being in one place. I wasn't inclined to patience, not in the slightest. I wanted to say all of these things, but her excitement was just too cute. I squeezed her affectionately, when the blackest of thoughts entered my mind- the biggest flaw to her plan- Edward.

"What about _him_?" I hissed, glaring out the little window.

I heard her heart stutter then seem to actually stop for a few beats. The strangled noise that came from her throat surprised me, and then she was hiding her face. Hiding her reaction. As if I'd need that.

I knew the exact expression that would be on her face now, as she remembered him. Edward, the golden child. Edward, Prince Charming. Edward, with the home and the family and the life _and the girl_.

Yes, I was jealous of him. I didn't have it in me to settle down, to build actual attachments, but that wasn't to say I didn't _want _them.

We were silent for longer than I would have liked, her frantic heartbeat thundering in my ears. I could smell the salt of her tears. Ah, so here it was. The undeniable proof that she was still in love with him. Maybe she loved me also, but I was not the only object of her affections.

Bella's voice shocked me out of my thoughts as she said, "He's gone, James. He didn't find me. He isn't going to. I'm here with you." I felt her fingers digging into my jaw, so I moved my face where she willed me. Her lips brushed over mine, just a hint of a kiss. "I love you, James. We can be together. We can make this work."

I wanted to believe her. I needed to believe her. Because I was unwilling to lose her. "God, Bella..." I needed to remind her that she was mine. Mine, mine, mine. I claimed her lips with mine, not worried about hurting her. I heard her teeth clip mine, felt the delicate flesh of her lips give way to the unyielding power of my lips. "I can't lose you now. We'll have to find a way to make it work because I just can't lose this," I murmured, once I had finished claiming her mouth. It was the truth. Always the truth, for her. It was the least I could do.

"You're not going to lose me, James. I promise."

For the moment, I just let myself believe that. I didn't point out that she was dying. That she would tire of me. That I never settled down anywhere. I was not going to change those things for her. Well, I might be willing to eliminate the problem of dying. But given I was used to feeding on human, I wasn't sure I could do it. It's not like I could just take her to the father Cullen and ask him to do me a favor.

But for her, for me, for both of us, I would pretend.

Or at least I would try.

So I did my best to distract her. I asked her about her life, although I avoided anything that I thought might encourage that haunted look. I only half-listened, distracted by my own thoughts, but I listened enough to catch her questions. I answered politely, although I'm pretty sure my lack of interest in the conversation showed.

I was thankful when Bella shifted in my arms to look at me. I couldn't help but smile when I saw the goofy grin stretched across her face.

"You probably know more about me than I do, by now. We've spent several days just asking questions since we got here. And I'm fairly boring," Bella complained.

She was both correct and horribly wrong. I wanted to know as much as possible about her; I was sort of bored with it at the moment.

"I find you very, very interesting, Isabella. But alright- what else do you suggest we do?" I asked finally, not sure what to do. I was still trying to sort out my own thoughts. I felt horribly out of sorts and couldn't do anything about it. This was not at all like me, and I didn't like it.

Of course, Bella latched onto the one thing that would distract me. My eyes practically rolled back in my head when I felt her nails scrape across my scalp. I felt the barest pressure and assumed she was tugging on my hair.

"How about we go to bed?" she purred, rolling her hips against me. Probably quicker than most human men would have realized what was going on, I felt myself harden beneath her.

"I think that is a wonderful suggestion."

I took us into the living room and laid her down on the cot. Again, I was struck by her beauty. It wasn't until I saw the blush spread like wildfire across her cheeks and down her neck that I realized I'd spoken out loud, so to comfort her, I climbed onto the cot, covering her with my body. Wanting her to feel the weight of my body on top of her. I settled between her thighs, where I belonged. Where no one but me could ever belong.

Alarm flared in my brain, loud and sickening. Something was going wrong in my plans. Another player to our little game, perhaps? The odds had shifted, not in my favor. I struggled to push it aside, to focus instead on the white-hot heat of Bella's little hands on my skin. Which worked, at first- it felt like heaven, like hell, and I couldn't help the moan that rumbled from my vocal cords.

But the panic wouldn't go away. It crawled up my spine, roared in my ears, clouded my thoughts like static. A million thoughts, all focused on ways to fix things in my favor- _kill her now, turn her, take her and run. _

"Something isn't right," I mumbled into the pretty little shell of her ear. I heard the increase in her heart's pace, felt her tense. I almost laughed at how easily she doubted herself. "Not you, Bell. Something isn't right outside. Something's going on with this little game that I haven't prepared for."

Already my attention was out in the woods past the cabin door. But I heard Bella's mouth open, heard her mouth working in an attempt to make sense of things. So I comforted her. I touched my lips to hers, did my best to show her that I loved her.

"I'm going to go check it out. I'll be back before you even know it." I moved towards the door, looking back at Bella, grinning. "You wait right there, alright? I'm not locking the door. No funny business."

The teasing worked; Bella calmed down a little and stretched out, then waved me from the room like she wanted me gone. "Get out of here, see what's wrong, and hurry back. I won't move a muscle."

I was already out the door, giving myself over to my instincts.

Things were going very, very wrong.

I tore through the forest, doing my best to ignore the water spattering in my face. I was annoyed that all the smells were hindered by the rain, darkness somewhat limiting the range of my vision except for when the lightening flashed. But that drive, that instinct, so much keener for me than any of the others, lead me and I caught it, nonetheless: the smell of another vampire. Thankfully, they were headed in the wrong direction. I inhaled deeply again, just to be sure.

The alarm reached the point of a deafening roar. This wasn't just any vampire. It was Victoria. And she was angry. And she was looking for us.

From that point on, I was on auto-pilot. I went back to the cabin as fast as I could to convince Bella to hide. Anything to keep her safe. Anything to keep her alive. She insisted on a kiss, so I gave it to her. But I was focused on stopping Victoria. I needed to get back out there, but I couldn't bring myself to leave Bella.

Of course, once I made it outside again, she was so close I could hear the pounding of her feet on the sodden forest floor.

"Victoria!" I roared, fists clenched at my sides, actually shaking from the fury.

How dare she come here, risk Bella's life. Risk the Cullens finding us. Risk ruining my game. Because in that moment, that was all it was- or at least, that was the most important aspect of it. This was my game, my hunt, my ultimate challenge, and Victoria was ruining it.

That instinct, the drive that I knew would help me fix everything, took over again and the next thing I knew I had her pinned to the outside wall of the cabin. I'd stopped her just before she entered. I felt her nails scrape against my skin, heard the sound echo in my ears, but didn't register the pain I should have felt.

"Aren't you going to invite me in?" I knew she was trying to sound sexy, but she just sounded like a whore- it was fake and forced. Nothing like the unintentionally sexy tone that entered Bella's voice when she was thinking about being with me.

"There's no need to go inside," I hissed, my teeth clenched tightly together.

I wanted to kill her. I wanted to tear her apart. Everything in me screamed for it. _It's the only way to get this back to the way it was. You have to kill her before things get out of hand. Fix it. Do it. You can still win._

_"_Are you scared to have me near the human?" she teased, her cheerleader's voice grating on my nerves. _Lie. Protect Bella. Don't lose the bait. The bait. You need her to get the boy. You need her._

"No," I blurted, glaring. "There's just no reason to go inside. We're fine out here. And she can't hear us through the storm if we're out here."

"Why are you being like this? We're supposed to be in this together!" she screamed into my ear, my face twisting into a cringe.

"We are in this together. But there were some things I needed to take care of first."

I knew that it was important to soothe her, to make her think I wanted to be with her, that I wanted her to be here. I had to keep her from hurting Bella, above everything else. I knew that meant letting Victoria inside, playing along. I took a deep breath and hoped that Bella wasn't listening, or that she would realize I was lying. Playing a part. Letting the hunter in me rule so we'd both come out of this alive and on top.

My answer had not pleased Victoria; I let go of her and took a step back. Instantly her hand flew up, attempting to smack me, but I caught her at the last second, squeezing her wrist tightly. I did not want to hurt Victoria- she was a woman, and we had slept together. She had been useful. But I wouldn't tolerate her smacking me.

_If looks could kill... _I thought to myself as Victoria wheeled around, throwing the door open so that she was inside before she started her screeching. She knew that was where I didn't want her, so that was where she wanted to be.

"You were supposed to call me to come join you!"

I struggled not to laugh; she was never going to understand that I just didn't want her.

"I was busy," I responded, narrowing my eyes at her as she paced around the room, kicking at the changes of clothes, knocking the cot over. She could smell the evidence of Bella and I, and it was absolutely short circuiting her thoughts.

"Busy _fucking your little human whore_?" she screamed, shredding the cot's bedding before I could stop her. I'd always known Victoria was jealous, but I hadn't expected her to be this jealous. _Danger, she's in danger. Bella's in danger. Fix it. Fix it. Fix it._

"I was bored, Victoria. She served a purpose. And just imagine the boy's reaction when he finds out."

It was true enough; Victoria didn't need to know that I loved Bella. She couldn't know. I regretted that Bella would hear that- I said it as quickly as possible, hoping that Bella's human ears wouldn't catch it. I just needed to save her. In any way that I could. I couldn't let Victoria kill her.

"You wouldn't have _been_ bored if you'd done what we talked about. Killed her, fought the brat, then called me so we could move on!"

I surprised both of us with my anger; I could feel myself shaking, and I knew my face was twisted in an outward sign of my absolute fury with her.

"I do not have to defend myself to you. You follow me. Not the other way around. If I want to kill her, that's okay. If I want to turn her, that's okay. And if I want to keep her alive and fuck her whenever I want, _that's okay_. It's not like she means anything to me."

Victoria didn't take long to recover; she started edging towards the bathroom door, looking positively insane because of the grin on her face. She was going to call my bluff.

"Oh, really? Not anything? Then you won't mind if I just get this over with and kill her now, right?"

If I had a heart, it would have stopped in that moment. I struggled to look like I didn't care.

"Go ahead." Laugh for good measure. "Actually, that would be great. It'll save me the trouble. Although I have much more of an element of surprise."

_Stop her, kill her, save Bella, please. Please. Please. Fix it. _The commands had reached a roar again, my mind spinning with possible ways to turn this in my favor. I couldn't lose. I wouldn't lose. There was more at stake here than I'd ever intended.

"Well then. Let's get this taken care of." _Too close. She's too close. Kill her. Stop her. She's too close._

I stood, rooted to the spot, watching. I needed to stop her. Everything in me wanted to stop her. I heard Bella moving in the bathroom, then fall. I reached out reflexively, taking a step. I needed to get past Victoria to help her.

Of course, the red-haired bitch saw my movements. The triumph that lit up her face when she caught my weakness was almost sickening. She turned around, throwing the door open, the air that rushed from the room so Bella.

It wasn't until the venom rushed into my mouth that I realized she was bleeding. _Good God, fuck the rest. Take her. Bleed her dry. It'll be so good... _I rushed forward, but instead of moving directly into the bathroom, I just placed a restraining hand on Victoria's shoulder. I heard the door behind me burst open but couldn't even bring myself to turn around at first.

Everything in my body was focused on Bella. Bella, in pain. Bella, bleeding. Her blood. God, she smelled good.

Finally, that instinct that had helped me so much in all of these games and helped keep me alive, spun me around. I was pissed that it tore me from Bella, and I was pissed that someone had found me.

More than that, I was shocked.

There, in the doorway, looking even more tortured than I'd ever remembered, was the Cullen brat, water absolutely pouring from his hair and clothing onto the floor, dripping across the sharp juts in his face. And then he was gone.

I heard him in the bathroom behind me and turned to see him picking up Bella. My Bella. But the look on her face was what really stopped me; she looked up at Edward as if her own personal savior had appeared. And for the split-second she met my gaze, she looked undeniably afraid.

Victoria, of course, did not want him to prevent her from getting rid of Bella. She started towards the two, and as much as I wanted Edward dead, I could not let anything happen to Bella. It would ruin everything; my game, my hunt, my life.

So I stopped her; I threw her into the kitchen and focused on the fight. I relished the pain when Victoria's teeth tore at my arm, savored the sickening crack of her body when I launched her across the room. This was easy. Fighting was easy. Hunting was easy.

All the while, I did my best to ignore the fact that as I fought the other person who had ever loved me, I was letting Edward Cullen run off into the night with the only person I'd ever been able to love.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**


	16. Chapter 16

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE AND DISCLAIMER:**_

_**Stephenie Meyer is the author of Twilight. She owns the characters, and the Twilight Series. I'm just offering an alternate possibility.**_

_**I am eternally grateful to Jmeyer for acting as my beta. **_

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Bella's POV-**

My life had been turned upside down yet again. I clung to Edward, shivering from a mix of the rain, pain, and shock over what had just happened. He ran as fast as he could through the forest, I was assuming in the direction of a car, of his family.

His family.

My throat tightened, a result of the panic bubbling through my system. I wasn't ready to see the Cullens. Everyone was going to be able to smell James all over me. They would know that I'd betrayed Edward. I couldn't have his entire family know that; I didn't want them to hate me. I couldn't deal with them hating me. I had lost James- or rather, I had never had him in the first place. I would lose Edward, too. I couldn't stand for the Cullens to hate me.

I tugged tightly at Edward's shirt, gasping for air as I struggled not to panic too much. "Edward. ," I chanted his name and tugged, now using all my strength, trying desperately to get his attention.

"Shh, Bella. You're alright. I'm here. Calm down. We're going to see my father, so he can... assess the damage."

The last part came out on a choke, and I realized with horror that he thought I'd been raped. He'd noticed the scent of James all over me and assumed the worst. I opened my mouth to protest, but his finger pressed softly on my lips.

"Bella, you'll be fine. Just relax. I'll have us at my car any second now. You know Carlisle will take care of you. Everything is going to be alright now."

His lips curved in a smile meant to comfort me, but his eyes looked murderous. I was surprised he was holding me as close to his body as he was- the fresh wound on my head was so close to his mouth, to his nose. But he didn't seem at all concerned about it.

If the Cullens thought James had raped me, he didn't stand a chance. I would tell Edward the truth, both because it would save James's life and because I couldn't imagine lying to him. But Edward apparently was not going to let me speak now, so I'd just wait until we were with Carlisle. Until after I'd been patched up. Then I would tell him. And if he didn't want me after that, then I would understand. I could hardly blame him.

Everything was a mess. James had lied about loving me, Edward was going to hate me, the Cullens were going to realize what a monster I was, and my heart was shattered. I didn't know what to do; there was no way to make it better. So I buried my face against Edward's shoulders and cried until I was exhausted from the effort. Finally, we reached the car. He arranged me carefully in the passenger seat and buckled the seatbelt for me, brushing his fingertips over the dried tracks of my tears. Then he was in the driver's seat, and we were speeding down a winding road. He was taking me to Carlisle.

They were going to know the truth.

* * *

I slept in the car; when I opened my eyes, it looked no different outside than it had before, so I had no idea how far we'd gone. One day, I would convince Edward to take me back to the cabin. So I would know where it all happened.

My thoughts were sluggish as I peered out the window and then turned my gaze to Edward. I actually gasped, the beauty of his face illuminated by the dashboard making my heart ache. His head turned, the panic showing in his eyes. "Bella, are you alright? What's wrong?"

"Um, nothing. I just..." I shook my head slightly, trying to wake up. It didn't work. I felt like my mind was in a haze. "You're so beautiful," I sighed finally, content to just tell him the truth. I saw his lips curve in a smile, and his hand reached to lace our fingers, although he hesitated before actually touching me. Once he had made contact, his eyes scanned my face, almost like he was waiting for me to melt down.

"I'm fine," I mumbled, frowning. I didn't want his scrutiny. I didn't deserve his worry.

Edward sighed and then looked back towards the road. "We'll be home shortly, Bella. Everything is going to be alright."

I didn't know whether he was trying to reassure me or himself.

True to his word, less than thirty minutes later Edward made the turn onto the long, winding driveway I'd come to know so well. Instantly, I felt calmer. I felt safe here, like nothing bad could happen. I felt Edward's fingers squeeze mine, and I squeezed back automatically. I saw the dark shapes in the front door and knew his entire family was gathered there, except perhaps Rosalie. Alice came to mind instantly- what had she seen while I was gone? Had she seen James and I in bed? Had she known Edward was going to find me? Why hadn't any of them looked for me? The questions ran through my mind incessantly, but as the car crawled to a stop and Edward hurried to my side to help me out, they stopped. I felt utterly calm. I glanced up appreciatively, nodding once at Jasper. The rest of the family clamored for a peek at me, each wanting their own time with me to ask what had happened. Perhaps they should all listen while I talked with Carlisle... no, I couldn't do that to Edward. They'd probably hear it regardless. They were, of course, vampires, and their hearing was impeccable just like everything else about them.

Edward carried me into the house as the rest of his family spread out amongst the room.

"She's hurt her ankle, and she cut her forehead. They... he... I'm not sure what other problems there may be, I haven't checked. I figured I would leave that up to you," he said in an even tone despite the faltering, clearly speaking to Carlisle.

I still felt calm and realized Jasper was doing his best to keep an otherwise emotional time as easy on everyone as possible. I wanted to raise my head from Edward's shoulder, find him, and thank him, but I just didn't have the energy to do anything more than cling to his body as he followed Carlisle through the house to his study.

I realized then that we were coming to the time when I would have to confess everything, the time when Edward would hate me. Greed roared through my system, and I clutched at him tightly, burying my face against his skin and just inhaling. I wanted to kiss him, to hold him, to wrap myself around him and take my fill before he left me. Even Jasper's power could not quiet this feeling. I threw my arms about his neck and squeezed as hard as I could.

When we entered the office, I heard Carlisle shut the door behind us, attempting to provide me with as much privacy as possible. I didn't look up from Edward's neck; I just clung harder to his body. His hands traveled the length of my arms, removing my stranglehold gently. It seemed like it took almost no effort; for him, of course, it didn't. But I enjoyed pretending that I could hold him tightly enough to keep him there if I tried.

He placed me in one leather chair and sat right next to me, moving the chair closer so he could hover protectively. His cool hand curled around the base of my neck, unwilling to give up that little physical contact, a fact for which I was grateful.

Next thing I knew, Carlisle was kneeling in front of me, his golden eyes flashing warmly at me as he began to speak in that honeyed voice, "What happened to your ankle, Bella?" His hand found my ankle, stretching it out in front of me so that he could examine it gingerly.

"I slipped," I mumbled, wanting to get past this. I wanted to get the difficult stuff over with. I knew the entire house knew I'd been with James. Or at least knew we'd been very, very close, if they didn't know that we'd gone all the way. Surely Edward knew.

He chuckled and reached into the bag next to him, taking out an elastic bandage. "I think you likely just pulled a muscle. We'll have it x-rayed soon, just to be sure, but you should be fine to walk on it. Here." He paused to hand me a few pills, tipping his head in Edward's direction to indicate the water bottle he suddenly held. "It's just aspirin. It'll help with the pain."

I took the pills then handed the bottle back to Edward, smiling hesitantly. Their eyes were full of questions and curiosity, among other emotions I could barely begin to name.

"Now, what about your head? Did you bump that when you fell?" he asked as he stood up, his fingers working their way gently through my hair to double-check for any cuts, although I doubted he needed that. Wouldn't he be able to smell it? "Bella?"

I jumped, remembering he'd asked me a question; I nodded, not caring to open my mouth and speak. "We'll clean it and bandage it, but it's little. You seem to be just fine, so far."

So far.

Those two words repeated over and over in my head as Carlisle went to work cleaning my cut. Edward sat at my side, simply waiting. He knew more was coming.

After just a few seconds, Carlisle stepped away from the two of us and walked around to his desk chair, sitting down. He did his best to appear relaxed; Edward didn't even try. Every muscle in his body was tensed, every bit of his attention focused clearly on me.

"Would you like to tell us what happened?" Carlisle asked, his voice so soft I almost missed the question.

_No. No. No. No. No._

_Don't tell._

_Save what's left of life as it was._

_Stop._

"Yes."

I told them everything. How scared I'd been, how rude James had been, how considerate he appeared sometimes. I told them about when he'd kissed me, and I'd been infuriated. I told them about having nightmares of never seeing Edward again. I cried when I told them that. I told them how eventually, although I never gave up my love for Edward, I'd begun feeling like James deserved something for taking such good care of me. How the conflict had nearly killed me. I cried when I told them that, too. I found myself straying from the most important confession of all... my voice kept breaking, and I simply couldn't continue.

Throughout my speech, Carlisle had remained very professional, although I knew my betrayal of Edward had to hurt him. At some point, Edward himself had stood up and begun to pace around the study in a very un-vampire-like fashion. I felt the tears spring to my eyes as I reached out for Edward, fully prepared to beg.

"Please sit, Edward. Please. Hold my hand. This is so hard for me." The tears flowed more freely now. "I love you. I'm so scared."

Looking extremely tense, he finally did sit in the chair next to me and allow me to interlace our fingers. I paused then, just looking at our hands. Digging deep for the strength to admit the ultimate betrayal.

"We slept together," I whispered, my voice hoarse. "It wasn't rape."

There it was, out in the open. I thought I saw the briefest shock flicker across Carlisle's eyes, and I felt Edward tense even further at my side.

"Carlisle, is there an- could it be- is it-" Edward stumbled over his words, his eyes raking across Carlisle's face for the barest hint of hope.

I wanted to cry. He was trying to make excuses for me, to find a way that this wasn't my fault. But it was. It was all my fault. I had ruined everything. I struggled to keep calm, waiting for Carlisle to speak. Edward refused to relax, and now I too was so nervous I felt like I was going to snap at any second.

Carlisle was silent for several moments, peering at his fingers forming a steeple in front of his face. Finally, his gentle voice broke through the tension in the room. "Isabella, I believe that you suffered from Stockholm Syndrome. Now, I can't be sure so early, until I really look at everything. But instinctually, that's what it seems like. Your behavior is so out of character for you, and considering the circumstances, it makes perfect sense."

Next to me, Edward looked relieved, whereas I knew I just looked confused. I glanced from one beautiful face to the other, then back again, waiting for one of them to explain. What was this Stockholm thing, and how did it excuse me so much that Edward now looked sorry for me?

"Stockholm Syndrome works like this, Bella," Edward began, his hands encompassing my own, rubbing his thumbs across my knuckles gently.

So they explained it to me. I tried to stop them. I shook my head. I cried. I begged. But they persisted. I heard terms like "hostage" and "victim" used to describe me and struggled not to cringe. They said that James's little acts of kindness, such as helping me when I fell, bringing me books, finding better food, combined with my isolation and the danger I was in had helped set the stage. When I finally accepted that no one was coming for me, that "pushed me over the brink", as it were. My emotional attachment to my captor was not uncommon, they said. There were many well-documented cases, and cops sometimes even encouraged it. It all sounded like nonsense to me.

"It's survival instinct, Bella. I'm amazed to see you exhibit any signs of that, to be perfectly honest with you." Edward actually sounded amused, which appalled me.

"Bella, if you could please listen to me," Carlisle requested softly, kneeling in front of me. "You know that we consider you a part of the family. All of us are going to stand by you through this; we're going to help you."

My mouth dropped open, and I could do no more than gape at Carlisle. I had betrayed Edward, and they were going to help me?

"I don't understand why you're being so nice!" It came out as a sob. "Why isn't anyone mad?! I did awful things. I'm an awful person. But you all just stand and smile, like I'm the victim, not Edward!" By the time I finished, I was stomping my foot and screeching.

It was Edward's turn to gape. He approached me warily, his hands outstretched on either side of him. As he reached me, his hands grasped my face, cradling it gently. "But Bella, you _are_ the victim. You were kidnapped. I don't blame you for anything that happened. How could I? It's my fault you were in that situation in the first place. My fault. My very nature. If anything, I'm thankful that you did what you needed to do to survive."

I couldn't prevent the tears that sprang to my eyes. "You're not a monster. That's precisely what I'm trying to tell you- _I _am the monster!"

Before I had time to resist, Edward enveloped me in a hug, his arms almost crushing me in their hold.

"You are the furthest thing from a monster, Isabella Marie Swan. You are the best thing to ever occur in my very long life, and I am just thankful to have you returned to me."

I waited for the anxiety, the guilt. Instead, I just felt calm. I stretched onto my tiptoes to peer over Edward's shoulder, and sure enough, found Jasper standing silently in the corner, although I no longer saw Carlisle anywhere.

I dropped back down and hid my face against Edward's skin, inhaling deeply. "I'm tired. Can we please just go to bed and talk about everything else in the morning?"

I barely completed the sentence before he was scooping me into his arms and making the short trip to his room. When I saw the bed, I looked up at him, my brows arched in question.

"Alice. She saw me running back here with you and figured you would want a place to sleep. I believe she stole it from a hotel?" There was the slightest hint of laughter in his voice, but as he looked at me it disappeared, instead replaced by an expression of wonder. "You're really back," he whispered, trailing a finger across my cheek.

After a moment, he cleared his throat. "Alice thinks that a shower would help you to feel better. She's on her way up with towels, pajamas, and a change of clothes for tomorrow. You can shower in my room."

"Can I sleep in something of yours?" I shouldn't have asked, but I couldn't help myself. I wanted to be surrounded by him for as long as I could allow myself to keep hurting him.

His eyes flashed and his throat bobbed as he swallowed hard. "I can get you a t-shirt if you'll use the bottoms she brings up."

"Deal," I acknowledged with a nod. Just then, a quiet knock sounded on the door and Alice stepped through with the clothes and towels. It almost hurt to see her again; it had been so long, and I had done so much to hurt her brother and they didn't even understand how much.

"Thank you, Alice."

"You're welcome. We'll talk more tomorrow, alright. But you need your sleep, so I'll let you shower." She offered a faint smile before turning to leave; there was a knowledge in her eyes that wrenched at my gut. Perhaps Alice did understand what I'd done. Perhaps-

"Here," Edward murmured, holding out a heathered grey t-shirt for me to sleep in. "That should suffice. I'll wait out here until you're finished showering."

I clutched the shirt to my chest and inhaled deeply before walking into the bathroom. It was so different from the tiny space in the cabin, pristine and expensive in the way the cabin could never hope to be. I cranked the heat high and relished in the feeling of truly hot water beating down on my muscles.

When I finally emerged from the bathroom, Edward was leaning against the doorway. His fingers reached out to stroke down the line of my cheek and I felt my heart rate accelerate.

He murmured, "You shouldn't be on your feet," before picking me up and cradling me in his arms. He crossed the room in a few strides and placed me gently on the bed.

"Please say I can sleep with you tonight. I just need to hold you, to listen to your heartbeat. I know you've been through a lot, and I promise not to kiss you or keep you up with questions. But I need this," he pleaded, his voice low.

My conscience screamed its protests. I had betrayed Edward; it was cruel to pretend that nothing had changed. But the unabashed need in his eyes had me pausing. I had already hurt him more than I could ever make up for, and he still wanted me. The least I could do was give him what he wanted.

So I nodded as I slipped under the covers, doing my best to contain the sigh of delight at laying in a real bed. Then Edward climbed onto the bed and curled himself around me and despite my best intentions, I did sigh. It felt... right. Almost like the entire cabin event had been a figment of my imagination. A dream? A nightmare?

Maybe the stress of the situation really had skewed my perception of things. Maybe falling in love with James had just been my messed-up brain's idea of protecting my life. But of course, the cabin had been real, and I had believed myself to be in love with James on some level. That night, I had nightmares of James: James allowing Victoria to kill me, James saying he didn't love me.

Edward woke me the next morning with a soft kiss on my forehead, his eyes glittering with happiness, so I didn't think I'd babbled in my sleep like usual. The sun cascaded into his room through the glass wall and the rays hit his skin and sent prisms dancing across the room. He looked beautiful and ecstatic and pure. I couldn't keep myself from reaching up and tracing the contours of his face with my fingertips; I felt like he was going to disappear any moment.

I saw something change in his eyes as his focus shifted to my lips. I wanted him to kiss me, to banish the thoughts of James. My heart was tearing itself in two, and I needed someone to fix it because I just couldn't. I shut my eyes, preparing myself. But no kiss came.

"We need to figure out the cover story before Carlisle calls Charlie to let him know we've found you," he whispered apologetically. I opened my eyes just in time to see the corners of his lips dipping into a frown.

I shut my eyes again, taking a deep breath and telling myself that I could do this, that I was strong enough. If for no other reason than to stop from causing Edward any more pain.

_It will all be okay. It will all be okay. It will all be okay. _

* * *

"Bella!"

Charlie's voice was a cross between a roar and a sob, and I barely had time to smile at him before he was in front of me, tugging me into a bone-crushing hug.

"Hi Dad," I managed weakly. He took a step back, still holding me tightly, although now he was far enough away that he could check for "damage."

"Where have you been? Are you alright? Are you hurt?" he asked, his questions rapid-fire. My eyes searched the room frantically for Edward; when I found his face, he was smiling encouragingly, although the worry was blatantly obvious in his gaze.

Amnesia, I saw him mouth.

I took a steadying breath and looked at Charlie, preparing to talk. I was the worst liar. I don't know how we had ever thought this was going to work.

"I can't really tell you much..." I began. That was true. I couldn't tell him anything, really. "When I was in Phoenix, I got kidnapped. It's all kind of a blur from there. Carlisle can explain it better than I can. None of it really makes any sense to me." All still true. If I could just skate by with these little truths, we might stand a chance. I saw Charlie look to Carlisle.

"What's wrong with her?" he asked; I saw Edward relax over his shoulder. Charlie must believe everything so far, although he was confused.

"You see, Bella is suffering from amnesia. It seems that from the time she arrived in Phoenix, she doesn't remember anything. She can't tell us who had her, what happened, where she was." Carlisle's voice was swift and soothing. I felt calm, and trusting, and realized Jasper was doing his best to help protect the safety of the Cullen family, also.

"Was she-" my father began, but Carlisle cut him off quickly.

"I conducted a full examination after I brought her back to the house. She was just... wandering around the yard. I suspect she escaped and found her way back here, although she doesn't remember any such thing. I cannot tell you much except she is safe, she doesn't appear to be hurt, and the mental consequences will likely not affect her in her day to day life." As he spoke the last sentence, his eyes connected with mine, and I knew he meant for me to understand that. Whatever I'd felt for James... if it had just been a result of the situation, it would fade, and I was going to be able to return to my life.

His reassurance did nothing to ease my mind.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**


	17. Chapter 17

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE AND DISCLAIMER:**_

_**Stephenie Meyer is the author of Twilight. She owns the characters, and the Twilight Series. I'm just offering an alternate possibility.**_

_**I am eternally grateful to Jmeyer for acting as my beta. **_

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Bella's POV-**

I did my best to return to life as it had been before. Of course, my reappearance caused an uproar. There were news vans camped at the end of my street, clamoring for the news.

The following week, news vans swarmed the little town of Forks. I couldn't go anywhere. Not even Charlie's uniform and cop car could keep their microphones away from me. They wanted details, they wanted to know who had taken me, how it had happened, where I'd gone. Charlie even had to hold a press conference, telling the public our cover story: I'd been abducted out of Phoenix. I had amnesia and could not remember any details. I was unharmed. I had escaped. At my request, he kept the Cullens' name out of the reports. The official story was that a family of good Samaritans who wished to remain anonymous had found me wandering through their yard. To the press, Edward was simply my boyfriend, someone who had been cleared of all suspicions regarding my kidnapping, and someone who was away for a short time dealing with a family crisis.

I knew what press coverage like that could mean for Edward and his family; Charlie was so grateful to them for helping me that he didn't even think to question their request for privacy. For that first week, they stayed in Alaska. I woke up at nights, screaming from my nightmares, and cried into the arms of Charlie instead of Edward. Before he'd left, he'd given me a little phone with the numbers for each of his family members programmed in. He checked in with me every single hour, reassured me that Alice was doing nothing but watching my future. I would be safe, he promised.

A few days after my return, a pair of cops from Phoenix came to get the details on that "crime." I told them the story as Carlisle and I had rehearsed. Eventually, Charlie came to the rescue and ushered them out of the room. I knew they would pretend to investigate for a few days, then when no information showed up they would give up. People would forget about it soon enough. Phoenix saw enough crime where people were actually hurt to worry about a girl from Washington who had gone missing for so long but couldn't remember a single detail of the event. For all they knew, I'd run away. There was no evidence that I'd been kidnapped, for Phoenix.

Forks, on the other hand, rallied around me. I was the most interesting thing to happen since... well, since I'd moved here. But this was much better, for them. More than just a Fork's resident, I was also the Sheriff's only daughter and the only "outsider" involved with the Cullens. So they were all clamoring for information. I spent my days wandering around my house, every curtain and blind and shutter clamped shut as tightly as possible, and my classmates floated in and out the door. They all asked too many questions, some born of their own curiosity, some on the command of their parents. Everyone wanted to be the one that broke my silence. But everyone got the same story. Amnesia. After a few minutes of not getting any answers, each classmate would smile, wish me luck, and then excuse themselves. No one really cared about me, they cared about the drama.

Home didn't feel like home. I wandered around the house, touching things. I sat at the couch for hours. I sat at my seat in the kitchen. One day, I spent the entire time Charlie was at work lounging in the empty tub. I was trying to will myself to feel at home, to feel like I belonged. My room felt like it always had, but the house itself felt like a stranger's house.

I was nearing the end of my house circuit, leaning back in the tub when I thought I heard a footstep.

_James. _My heart soared, then sank, my blood running cold. I didn't know whether to be happy or scared. If he'd really just been holding me captive, I needed to be scared. I needed to run. I needed to call Edward. But if he hadn't, if he'd actually loved me... what did I do then?

But then Edward was peeking in the door, looking down at me with a smile, and the conflict didn't matter any more. He was all that ever mattered when he was close to me. "Silly girl. What on Earth are you doing in the bathtub?" he asked, laughter in his voice.

All my worries, all the stress, everything was just gone. I launched myself out of the tub quicker than I'd thought possible, although I caught my toe on the edge and fell into Edward's arms instead of climbing into them as I'd planned on. He tensed, holding me away from his body for a moment before he let me hug him.

"I missed you, Bella. It was hell to leave you after that. But we couldn't be here with all the news vans..." his voice trailed off as I pressed myself against him, my arms tight around his neck.

"It's okay. I understand. You're back now. I'm so glad you're back. I don't know what to think when you're gone... my brain... everything gets confused if you aren't here to remind me what's real." I was babbling, pressing kisses along his neck, his jaw, his cheeks. He turned away when I tried to kiss his lips. "Wha-"

"I don't want to pressure you, Bella. After... after what happened with James, I don't want you to feel like you have to prove anything to me. I'll give you your space. I know you need it."

I stepped away from him, dumbfounded.

"Edward..._ I_ tried to kiss _you._ How is that _you_ pressuring _me_?" More than that, how was I supposed to come to terms with my apparent diagnosis if Edward wouldn't even touch me? James had been _more than happy_ to touch me.

I frowned, upset with my own path of thought. I needed to forget about James, not compare the two.

"I just think it would be better if we didn't... try anything... for awhile," he murmured softly, trailing his fingertips over my cheek. I pulled away stiffly, although I forced a smile and a nod.

"Thanks for being so understanding," I managed weakly, slipping past him and into the hall. When I got to my room, he was sprawled out on the bed, holding out two packets of paper for me. I wanted to turn and stomp off, but he looked apologetic and when he held his arms out to indicate that I should join him on the bed, I couldn't resist.

Of course, all benevolent thoughts vanished when I looked at the packets. I rolled away from Edward and buried my face in my pillow, groaning.

"Bella, don't be silly. Come on. I'll help you get through the Internet courses and scheduling for next year is easy. We'll just match it to mine." I felt his cool hand rub against my spine through my shirt, trying to ease my tension.

"C'mon, Bella. Let's let things get back to normal," he whispered, his mouth so close to my ear I could feel his breath shift my hair. _Normal._ The word tugged at my heart. I would kill for things to be normal again. His voice was so full of hope it made my throat tight, like I was going to cry. _Normal._

Maybe I could make things go back to normal. Or do my best. If nothing else, I could make things seem normal for everyone else, couldn't I? I could finish my junior year, be the doting girlfriend, have sleepovers with my best friend. It would feel wrong at first, but maybe eventually things would get better? Just because I was miserable didn't mean everyone else had to be. _Normal._ Everyone had done so much for me, gone through so much for me. The least I could do was try to make things normal again.

I peeked out from my pillow, mock-glaring at Edward. "Will you even help me with math?"

Edward threw his head back and laughed so hard it shook the bed. _Normal. _I would do this. For Edward. For Charlie. For the Cullens.

For me.

I followed through with my decision. We spent the rest of the day getting the online courses set up and getting my schedule for senior year together. I would see a great deal of Edward at school and graduate with my class. That was to be my motivation to complete the awful online courses.

I threw myself into it. At night, I cooked dinners for Charlie and asked about his day. Alice and I went shopping, had sleep overs. I even saw Jessica and Angela a few times. I was the perfect daughter, the perfect friend. I even spent an hour a week talking to Carlisle. It didn't really count as therapy, because he wasn't a psychologist. But it helped to talk it through with someone who could know all the details.

If I was a perfect daughter, I was an even better girlfriend. We had little arguments, but Edward and I were happy. We went on picnics, and dates. He even took me to a symphony concert. At night he rocked me to sleep, and during the day he helped me to finish my schooling. Sometimes I dreamt about James. Some were nightmares, but most of them were pleasant. I woke up screaming, or crying. Sometimes I didn't wake up from the dreams at all. Edward never mentioned me vocalizing about James, so I just assumed I didn't.

Edward still wouldn't kiss me, mumbling about "pressure" and "getting better first." It annoyed me, but I accepted it. Well, I didn't really accept it, but I didn't complain. I just let the self-doubt eat away at me in silence. I was determined to live my life as if the baseball game had never happened, for the most part. Things were normal. Things were happy.

With everyone else so happy, it was easier to ignore my own sadness.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**James' POV-**

My eyes raked over the paper spread in front of me, searching for any mention of Bella. While press coverage had been lengthy at first, it was becoming more sporadic. That wouldn't do. I needed to know how she was. Where Edward was. There were few details, except that she was safe and healthy.

I knew she was healthy, didn't I? Hadn't I been taking care of her?

There was no mention of rape, which surprised me. I had been sure Edward would insist I'd raped her. There was also no mention of a boyfriend, or any member of the Cullen family, which did not surprise me. They couldn't afford the press, of course. The Volturi wouldn't approve. The papers had not caught so much as a single glimpse of even the back of Edward's head. The family was smart, then, and had left town. Stupid on Edward's part, and it didn't fit with my impressions of him.

"_SHERIFF'S DAUGHTER STILL A MYSTERY- There has been no change in the girl's amnesia, the local doctor tells us. She remains silent about the details of what happened during her absence. Some Forks residents speculate that she ran away, while others claim a strange animal sighted in the forest recently may be to blame. If anyone knows exactly what happened to Isabella Swan during the two months she was missing, one thing is clear- they aren't coming clean any time soon._"

The little article was accompanied by a picture of Bella, with her father standing protectively at her side. It was the same one they showed on the TV. I assumed it had been snapped at the little press conference the Forks and Phoenix Police Departments had given right after Bella showed back up in Forks.

I cut the article and the picture out, taping it to the wall where the other clippings were. It had become an instinctual thing. Bella was still part of my game, my hunt. And if I was ever going to get her back, I needed all possible information.

At least that was what I told myself as I hung each additional clipping.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Bella's POV-**

"Okay... I just need to hit submit and..." I clicked the button then jumped up from my chair.

"Finished!!!" I shouted triumphantly, dancing around my room. "My course work is 100% finished! I'll be able to start classes next year as a senior with you!" I saw Edward grinning widely from his position sprawled across my bed. His onyx eyes sparkled as he watched me, arms behind his head casually. He looked beautiful and happy. I jumped onto the bed, stretching out next to him and wrapping my arms tightly around his waist.

"Want to celebrate?" I suggested, smirking. His grin fell, and I cursed mentally.

He still refused to do more than hug me. He claimed it was because he didn't want to pressure me, but it seemed like a weak excuse when I was practically begging for him to kiss me. I suspected he thought I was... unworthy... after being with James. I'd suggested as much to him once, although I didn't say any names. Edward looked positively murderous whenever James's name came up. He'd reassured me, held me tightly to his body, then hummed me to sleep.

He tucked a piece of hair behind my ear, smiling apologetically. "Bella, I don't think that's really the best idea. I should have told you before, but I'm leaving to go hunt. I've tried to put it off, because I know you do not approve of when I leave you, but I really can't avoid it any longer."

My heart stopped, then tripped over itself as it tried to make up for lost time. He... was going to leave me... I wrapped my arms even tighter around him, burying my face against his chest.

"Well, my toenails do need painted... maybe Alice will help," I suggested weakly, trying to make the best of it. I felt him tense even further.

"She's going with us. We're all going. You see, Carlisle and Esme have requested some time for themselves."

I raised my head quickly, gaping at him. I eventually regained my composure then snuggled against him. "Well, I'm glad I got my course work finished today. We have the rest of the day together with no interruptions now."

"Actually, I need to leave in just a few minutes," he admitted hesitantly. I pushed away from his chest, tears beginning to form.

"When will you be back?"

"Tomorrow morning. I'll wake you with the sunrise, and we can spend our day at the meadow."

I bit my lip, glancing out the window. I didn't want him to leave. When he wasn't here, the doubt came back.

"Kiss me," I whispered, looking back at him.

"Bella," he warned, eyes wary.

"Kiss me," I urged again, pressing myself closer.

I needed this. If he just kissed me, I would know it was all okay. We were going to make it through this together.

"I need to leave."

"Kiss me." I was begging, clutching at his shirt. I felt his hands on mine loosening my grip. He raised himself elegantly from the bed and walked over to the window.

"I love you forever, Bella."

I glared at him, throwing myself hard against the bed.

"Get out of my room."

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**James' POV-**

I looked at the wall, Bella's face staring back at me from the clippings. She looked tired, and scared. Worried. I brushed a finger along her jaw-line in one picture, annoyed with the protectiveness I felt over her. She was strong-willed. She could fend for herself. And she obviously wasn't really mine to take care of.

I wanted to go to her, but I couldn't risk the hunt.

I wanted to check on her, to make sure everything was okay.

I knew what I had to do.

The thought had barely occurred to me, and the next thing I knew, I was running through the forest. I was going to make things better, for both of us.

Especially for me.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Bella's POV-**

A noise woke me from my fitful sleeping later that night. The rest of my day had been miserable. I'd tried to call Edward and apologize, but he'd already turned his phone off to hunt. Then I was mad that I even wanted to apologize. All I'd done was asked him to kiss me, and he couldn't even do that. I had wandered around the house, bored, and then tried to sleep early although it had been mostly unsuccessful.

When the noise woke me, my first thought was Edward. I rolled over, the smile already on my face and the apology on my tongue. Edward had come home to me early. We would both say sorry. Maybe he would kiss me. Maybe finally, he would get over the James situation and touch me. I opened my eyes, blinking sleepily and squinting into the darkness.

What I saw almost brought my heart to a complete stop.

"James?!"

I was afraid.

I was happy.

I was afraid.

I was relieved.

His eyes were darker than I remembered, the shadows more pronounced around his eyes. He looked... gaunt? That didn't make sense, but there was not other word for it. But he was still so handsome. He edged towards my bed, his hands outstretched.

"You shouldn't be here," I accused, my voice shaking as I scrambled to sit up in bed.

Edward would know. He would come here and he would know. He would never leave me alone again. He wouldn't trust me. He was never going to touch me again. James was ruining everything.

How could I rebuild my life if he kept showing up in my dreams and my thoughts and now my room?

James had now reached my bed, resting his weight lightly on it. His hands were still held out.

"You shouldn't be here," I repeated, my voice a sob as I threw myself into his arms.

"I couldn't stay away," he whispered, his voice tight.

His arms closed around me and then his mouth was seeking mine. _Yes, finally, _my nerves seem to shout. _Touch. Affection. _Our lips met, and it was like the first time all over again. Lips, tongues, and teeth crashed against one another; we were both angry, and we were both hungry, and you could tell by our kisses.

"God, I missed you," he groaned as he pressed me down into the bed, his hands raking across my body.

_What about Edward? _my conscience cried, and I almost stopped. Almost. But this was too easy, too familiar. Too right. So wrong, but really, when everything else was stripped away, very right. I could feel the reaction between my legs, urging me on. I wanted James so badly, just like I had wanted Edward and he had refused.

_Edward._

Was I doing this because I loved James? Or because I thought he could kill me? Or, worse yet, was I doing this because Edward wouldn't touch me? Had I become that awful, controlling partner who turned to someone else just because the person I was with wouldn't "give it up"?

James fingers slipped up the leg of my pajama shorts and I grabbed his wrist, trying to stop him.

"James. James, stop."

I was gasping for air, squeezing my eyes shut, trying to clear my mind. His fingers continued to inch their way upwards, laughter rumbling in his chest.

"Bella, you want it. I know your body better than you do. I can smell the arousal, remember?"

I'll admit that I panicked. I clawed at his hand, tried to urge him off of me. "James, no, stop. Seriously. I can't do this to Edward. Not again."

At the mention of Edward's name, James became completely still. The anger was evident in his face. "_Edward_? What about me, Bella? What about what you did to me? You promised you'd never leave, and then he showed up, and you looked at him like he was a god!"

"I promised Edward forever before I ever met you, James," I whispered, tears stinging my eyes. I couldn't handle this. I couldn't take someone pointing out my flaws to me, to my face. "Anyways, Carlisle says that was Stockholm Syndrome. I'm going to therapy. Everything is back to normal."

I needed him to believe it. Maybe if he believed it, I could.

"What in the hell does Stockholm Syndrome mean?" he asked, his eyes burning into mine.

I took a deep breath, raising my chin. Ignoring the awful feeling in my chest.

"Fake, James. It means it was all fake."

He flinched visibly, spinning away from me. "Do you believe that?" he whispered, his eyes still intent on my face although the distance between us was much greater.

I knew what I needed to say, for all of us. For my family, for Edward, for me, for James.

No, I didn't believe it. Something felt wrong. When I'd found James in my room, I'd been happy. Was that still the Stockholm Syndrome?

No. "Yes. Yes, I believe them. I told you, I'm going to therapy. Everything is going to be fine." The words everyone had said to me so many times. Carlisle. Edward. Charlie. Alice. "_Everything is going to be fine_," they all said. But everything wasn't fine, no matter how much I pretended.

"Do you want me to leave?" he asked, voice cracking.

_No!_ "Yes."

He flinched again and then walked over to the window. "I won't bother you again, Bells. I'm sorry."

Then he was gone.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**James' POV-**

"Do you want me to leave?" I had asked, our conversation ringing in my ears. Fake. She thought we were fake. Carlisle had convinced her our love was a figment of her imagination. My entire future was in her hands, in that moment, as I waited for her answer.

"Yes."

My heart, long dead, broke in that moment. It was stupid, and it was cheesy, and it was pathetic, but it was the truth.

Although she might not love me, I loved her. So since she wanted me to leave, I would. It was going to hurt like hell, but I'd do it for her.

"I won't bother you again, Bells. I'm sorry," I had vowed, looking at her over my shoulder. I would leave. I would go back to our cabin, and live my life, and one day, I would forget about Isabella Swan. I was running the second I hit the ground outside her window, my instincts already guiding me towards self-preservation. I was on auto-pilot, but it was the only way to cope. I almost laughed at the irony. The great tracker James, broken by a pathetic little human.

God sure loved a good laugh.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**


	18. Chapter 18

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE AND DISCLAIMER:**_

_**Stephenie Meyer is the author of Twilight. She owns the characters, and the Twilight Series. I'm just offering an alternate possibility.**_

_**I am eternally grateful to Jmeyer for acting as my beta. **_

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Bella's POV-**

Edward woke me up the next morning. His voice was hard and frantic, which confused my sleep-muddled brain.

"Wake up. James was here. Did he touch you? Are you hurt? Bella. Wake up, please, please wake up... tell me you're alright. Bella..."

I opened my eyes groggily, glaring at him. "I'm trying to sleep, do you mind?"

Anger snapped in his eyes, his mouth a hard line as he crossed his arms across his chest and looked down at me. "I don't think you understand, Bella. James was here while I was gone. Alice didn't even see him. Did he touch you?"

I opened my mouth, fully planning on telling him the truth. Imagine my surprise when what I said was "I don't know. I didn't even wake up. I didn't know he'd been here until just now when you told me."

My voice cracked in the middle of my explanation, a sign of my lie, but Edward took it as a sign of my distress. His expression softened, and he gathered me into his arms, kissing the top of my head softly.

"Dear God, I was so worried. Don't be frightened Bella, I'm not going to let him take you from me again. I'll stay with you all the time. You'll be safe. I promise." His voice was a mere whisper by the end, but it comforted me. Which was strange, considering I hadn't even really been worried.

It was always so easy to believe that Edward could keep me safe when no one else could, Edward could defeat anything for me. Even I could recognize that we'd both placed each other on ridiculously high pedestals- but, so long as those pedestals were together, it was alright, wasn't it?

Right?

_But with James, neither of you were on pedestals... you could move about freely, not worry about moving too quickly or making the wrong move and toppling down, ruining everything..._

I threw my arms around Edward and pressed my face tightly to his chest. Inhaled deeply. Carlisle said it was Stockholm. Things would get better. I would forget about loving James. If I could just focus on Edward, eventually we would get back to normal.

We sat there for a few moments, holding each other, breathing in one another's smell. His cool hand smoothed over my hair and stroked down my back over and over again. I just wanted him to kiss me.

It wasn't until his body tensed beneath my touch that I realized I'd spoken my request out loud. But he didn't turn me away or release me, and that meant he was considering it. My entire body hummed with anticipation, just wanting to know what he'd decide.

_Kiss me, kiss me, kiss me, _I willed, pressing my eyes shut. Focusing all my energy on just wanting him to kiss me. Then his hand curled under my chin, tipping my face up to his.

"I love you, Bella," he whispered, and then his lips were on mine.

It was chaste and innocent. It was over within seconds. But it was a kiss. It was a start. I was almost delirious with the joy of my triumph, but then Edward pulled away, his face still tense, annoyed.

"It reeks in here. It smells like you did when you returned; he's just everywhere." His face twisted into an expression of disgust as he continued, "I can even smell him on your bed."

I wanted to cry. I had been so happy for a moment, so _hopeful._

"Get up," I insisted wearily, climbing from the bed. "I'll wash my bed linens. Could you open the window?"

Of course, he stood up and walked gracefully over to the window, opening it with ease so the breeze could help air out the room. I went about stripping the bed and gathered it all in my arms, but Edward was in front of me, taking them into his own arms.

"Thanks," I mumbled, offering him a weak smile.

We made our way to the washing machine, and he looked so natural and at ease measuring out the detergent and fabric softener that I couldn't help but grin.

"I need a human moment, alright? I'll be right back," I explained as I went to walk past him. He turned towards me, concern on his face.

"Here, wait just a second... I'll go with you. I'll stand in the hallway, of course, but I just.. I'm just.. I can't..." his voice trailed off as he started the washer, moving so I could walk by, his expression apologetic. "I'm so worried, Bella. Alice didn't see anything. We're blind, here. He's trying to get you back, and we don't know what's happening."

I felt my heart tug, and I almost hugged him. I was annoyed, but his concern was evident on his face. He loved me and didn't want anything bad to happen to me. That was honorable, wasn't it?

"I need to shower and get dressed and stuff. Once I'm in the shower, you could always come right inside the door and talk to me. You'll know I'm safe then." I smiled at my suggestion. I didn't expect him to go with it. It was a sign of just how worried he really was when he nodded.

"I won't look, I promise. I'll sit with my eyes shut, by the door, alright?"

It was my turn to nod. I brushed past him and went to my room to gather my things. Edward's entire stance stiffened as soon as he walked in the door, obviously still smelling James.

"I'm sorry..." I mumbled.

He was at my side, stroking my cheek. "Bella, please stop apologizing. It isn't your fault."

He sounded like he was pleading with me, begging me to believe it. I wanted to explain everything, to insist that it really was all my fault. Instead, I turned my face to kiss his palm then walked to the bathroom to get ready for the day.

I was a coward. A traitor.

A monster.

When I emerged from the bathroom, Edward was sitting right in front of the door, smiling crookedly up at me although it didn't reach his eyes.

"I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable so I stayed out here. I was thinking maybe we could go to my house for the day? I know everyone would love to see you."

"I was just over there the other day to talk to Carlisle, Edward."

His lips pursed, then he reached for my hand, kissing my knuckles gently. "I don't think I can be here today. The smell... but I can't leave you either. It'll be fun. We can go for a run or something. You can watch us wrestle. The weather is beautiful, everyone is going to be in a wonderful mood."

I frowned for a second, thinking about it. Of course, I loved seeing the Cullen family. But knowing that Edward only wanted to go because my house smelled like James was disconcerting. After a moment, I relented, my lips curving in a smile.

"Alright, that's fine. I need to finish my laundry first though."

"I already put them in the dryer. They'll be ready to make your bed before long... you should eat, and then when you're finished, we'll make your bed." I almost resisted- I felt like he'd commandeered my entire day. But I wanted him to be happy, and if this was what it took, then so be it.

_What about what makes you happy?, _that little voice urged.

_Edward's happiness makes me happy_, I acknowledged with a quiet sigh.

* * *

The day at the Cullen house was fun, as Edward had assured me. We did go on a run. There was wrestling aplenty. They even broke out their favorite cars and went for a race, although Edward was slightly on edge. He didn't like driving as fast as he could with me in the car, but he was unwilling to be apart from me and really despised the thought of losing the race because he didn't even participate.

Things seemed fine, although there was a distance between Edward and Alice that unnerved and upset me. It wasn't until later that night that the tension "erupted," although it was a quiet fight.

"C'mon, Eddie, let's wrestle. Why won't you just leave Bella alone for a half-second? We'll be right in front of her, you can still see her. Do you think anything's gonna get her with all of us here?" Emmett was hopping back and forth in front of Edward, taking carefully placed jabs that never made contact.

He was teasing; he just wanted Edward to loosen up and "play" for a moment. But it was apparently the last straw for Edward.

"Maybe I would feel safe leaving her if _someone _wasn't so completely incapable of helping keep Bella safe!" he hissed, his eyes meeting Alice's.

"I said I was sorry!" she exclaimed, face twisted in despair.

"He was _in her room, _Alice. _In her bed!" _he spat_. _

Everyone looked at me, their faces even more concerned than they had been the rest of the day before returning to the fight. Jasper was growling low in his throat, attempting to step in front of Alice as she struggled to explain herself to Edward. Carlisle and Esme appeared in the doorway, their expressions tight.

"I can't see everything, Edward! I'm doing my best. I don't want her to be hurt either. I love her too, you know!" I could tell by her expression that she'd be crying if it were possible. Jasper's growling increased. He obviously didn't approve of anything upsetting Alice.

From the doorway, I heard Carlisle's warm voice as he said, "Everyone is worried about Bella, and we're all doing our best to help her remain safe and regain her life. There's no need to fight."

Edward still stood tense, his glare trained on Alice's face. Jasper straightened, although he hovered protectively at her shoulder; her eyes met mine, the regret in them heartbreaking.

Finally, I found my voice. "Can we go home? I want to go to bed..." I urged, tugging at Edward's hand.

I couldn't handle everyone's sympathy, their concern. I couldn't handle Edward being angry with Alice. His eyes snapped to my face, the worry overwhelming.

"It's only nine. Are you alright, Bella? What's wrong?" At his question, all the Cullens turned their attention to me, perfect faces frowning, worried.

I shook my head and smiled faintly, squeezing his hand. "It's no big deal, I just have a headache, and I want to go to bed."

His eyes raked my face for a minute, searching for any sign that he should be wary. Finally, he nodded. "Alright, we'll go back to your house."

His hand pressed against my forehead, attempting to sooth me. He knew that the coolness of his hands cured most of my ailments.

"Bye, everyone," I said, forcing a smile as I waved.

"Goodbye, Isabella."

"Come back soon, dear."

"Cya, Bells!"

"Bye, Miss Bella."

"Goodbye."

Alice walked up, although her eyes glanced towards Edward warily. She wrapped her arms around me carefully. "Bye, Bella. We'll hang out soon, alright? I hope you feel better."

I smiled and nodded, hugging her back. "Bye, Alice. Don't worry about Edward, please. He's just worried. He's not actually upset with you."

I knew he, and everyone else in the room for that matter, could hear me, but I didn't care. Alice was my best friend. I didn't want her to be sad. She offered me a shaky smile as she pulled away then made her way back to Jasper.

I turned to Edward and smiled, nodding towards the front of the house; his hand was at the small of my back, urging me forward. Before long we were at home, and I was tucked into bed, with his comforting presence at my back. He kept pressing his hand to my forehead, my temple, the back of my neck. The headache, which hadn't been that big of a deal at all, was banished by his cool touch.

Back in bed, I couldn't help but think about the night before and my day. Telling James I wanted him to leave. That I hadn't loved him. The worst part was that part of me knew it was true, and part of me knew it was false. It's like I had two brains, two hearts, two souls. I _knew _Edward was right for me, that we loved one another, that he was my soulmate. But I also _knew _James loved me, and I loved him, and we had been so good together.

Now I was tearing the Cullen family apart, breaking one of Edward's strongest bonds aside from his bond to me. It made me sick to think about it.

Eventually, I drifted to sleep. It was not pleasant, and the same troubles that plagued me by day filled my dreams. But it was sleep, so at least everything seemed slightly more surreal, a little less painful.

Sometimes, anyways.

* * *

"Bella... Bella, wake up, love."

Edward's voice pierced my sleep before the sensation of his cool hands shaking my shoulders did. As he sensed the change in my heartbeat, his fingers began trailing across my cheeks, following paths foreign to me.

"Wh-what are you doing?" I asked, my voice cracking pathetically.

"You were crying in your sleep," he rasped, sounding more tortured than ever.

I knew if I could see his face, it would be heartbreaking. His touch was achingly gentle as he wiped away the tears that had apparently been streaming down my face. It was so dark in my room that I barely saw him crane his neck to kiss away some of the droplets. His care brought on a fresh flood of tears. I did not deserve this. I did not deserve either him or J- _him. _I was a monster, the worst kind of monster, worse than any vampire, and Edward was worried about me.

They said it was Stockholm Syndrome. No one blamed me, although I knew Edward was secretly hurting. He thought our love could overcome anything, everything. It had, in a way, hadn't it? Wasn't I home, in Forks, with Edward in my bed? But I didn't deserve any of it.

I felt Edward's confusion in the tension of his muscles as I started crying again. His lips moved swiftly and softly over the delicate skin of my cheeks.

"Shhh, Bella. You're okay. You're safe. I have you. I love you. Please stop crying, Bella," he pleaded, his melodic voice taking the very edge off of my anxiety.

I knew what I wanted. What I needed. Edward had been afraid to touch me since I'd come home; he said it was because he didn't want to put pressure on me, but I worried that it was because he thought I was soiled. That I wasn't worthy, anymore.

"Please, Edward," I whispered into the dark, wrapping my arms around his neck and pressing my body tightly to his.

My voice was still raw from the crying, and my muscles felt weak from exhaustion, but I couldn't let that stop me. If the cabin had been fake, if it had been Stockholm Syndrome, I needed Edward to show me he could still love me. I felt worthless, and I couldn't bear it anymore.

My lips slid along the cool, hard line of his jaw, seeking his lips. Finally, he took pity on me and matched his lips to mine. I was giddy with triumph and surprise. I hadn't expected this success. The dark felt comforting and liberating. The kiss was maddeningly slow and sweet. A reunion.

I did not rush it; I simply laid back and went along with it. Parted my lips when his tongue edged forward. Greedily breathed in the sweetness of his breath. Sighed into his mouth when one hand began a leisurely stroke down my side.

Maybe it was because I seemed to be content with what we were doing as opposed to striving for more, but Edward seemed to relax a little bit against me. His kiss became deeper as his hands grew more insistent against my skin.

"Edward, please. Give me new memories. I need new memories. Memories of you," I sobbed against his mouth after a few minutes, rocking my hips against him. To my surprise, his hips twitched against mine in response. "Make me forget him, Edward," I begged.

At that request, his hips gave a definite grind. "Bella, I'm just a teenager, really. I can't handle you begging me like this. I hate that he touched you. But unless you really, really want this, you're going to have to stop," he warned me, his words sending a puff of air against my wet lips.

My eyes fluttered shut, and I licked my lips, unable to help myself. My tongue bumped his lip when I did so, and the low growl that answered the movement thrilled me.

"Please," I sighed, tightening my hold on him.

"God. I can't tell you no anymore," he groaned against my mouth, his hands becoming more insistent on my skin. Traveling down my thigh, his fingers curving beneath my knee so he could hitch my legs around his waist. He then focused all his attention back on kissing me, bringing me to the point of writhing beneath him just by the kiss. I could feel his hard length between my legs when I shifted against him, even though we still had all of our clothing on. I wanted it gone, but I wasn't willing to let go of him so he could get rid of it.

His lips trailed away from mine, brushing reverent kisses all over my face. My forehead. My eyelids. My chin. My jaw. My cheeks. I felt surrounded by his love, and it was simultaneously the best and worst experience.

"Edward..." I sighed, grinding my hips hard against his, hoping to spur him on. I couldn't have too much time to think. Then the doubt would resurface, and that was what I was running from.

He growled, then his hand was at the hem of my shirt. He leaned back, watching as he exposed my skin inch by inch, the awe on his face heartwarming. Once he'd stripped my shirt off of me, he just looked, adjusting to the sight. His fingers searched for the buttons of his shirt, but I reached out, stilling his hand.

"Let me," I whispered.

So we undressed one another slowly, carefully. He was more beautiful than I'd ever imagined, and he looked at me like the feeling was mutual. Once we were both naked, we settled back against the bed, our hands tracing each other's bodies. Learning the reactions. Memorizing the different contours. I could feel the sensations echoing through my body, every nerve focused on the path of his hands. He felt so good.

Finally, I felt the brush of the cool weight of his arousal between my legs. I was aware that this was his first time. I wanted to cry for both of us that it wasn't mine. I was supposed to have that to give him, but I didn't, and that was killing me. Worse yet was that I couldn't regret being with James, because there was still a part of me that believed I loved him.

James did not belong here, separating me from Edward by occupying my thoughts.

"Would you kiss me?" I asked, my legs curling around his hips, trying to help guide him home. I would make this good for him.

It was at that point I realized how tense he was. The clouds outside had cleared and the moon illuminated the room, casting Edward's face in startling brightness where the moon's rays could reach it, while the other side was left in stark shadow. His lips were pressed tightly together, eyebrows drawn together like he was concentrating on something. But his eyes were filled to the brim with love, with adoration, with worship. I knew he was struggling to hold onto his control, that he wouldn't kiss me.

"I love you," he whispered, taking one of my hands in his own and lacing it above my head. My fingers tightened, squeezing in encouragement. Then, with his eyes focused on mine, peering straight into my soul, his hips rolled forward, and he slid into me.

The wonder in his eyes broke my heart instantly; not because I didn't want him to feel wonder, but because I didn't feel wonder. Well, I did, but not on the level I should. Mine was simply amazement that whereas not even a month ago I'd been sure I was never going to see Edward again, here he was now, between my legs, committing the one act he had insisted was not possible for us. We were two halves of one being, joined finally, and Edward was the only one feeling the proper emotions.

I wanted to weep. Sob. Thrash. Scream the injustice into the night. I had fallen in love with my captor, and he had just been using me as part of a game; the worst part was that while I would always love Edward, part of me had accepted that I was never going to see him again. That part of me had tried to move on, to give up on him. My heart had been tricked into giving up my soul mate for an illusion. It was a cruel joke, and I was nearly overcome with the urge to hurt something, let this fury out somehow.

I did not do any of those. Instead, my lips curved in a smile only for Edward and I shifted my hips again, encouraging him. I wanted to give him this. If I could do nothing else for him, for me, for us, I wanted to give him this. At first, he did not move. His arms practically shook with the effort of controlling himself. Any normal teenage boy had a tendency to be awkward and fumbling their first time, everyone said; Edward could not afford to be awkward and fumbling with me, so I assumed he was just giving himself time to adjust.

So I did my best to hold still, every nerve in my body begging for me to move. Everything about this was different from being with James, and my body wanted it. I placed my hands on Edward's chest, tracing the perfectly sculpted contours with my fingertips. I was trying to ground him, to bring him back to me, but when I heard the answering growl, I couldn't help but tighten my thighs around him, clenching my inner walls instinctively.

"Hold still, please, please, please Bella. For me, hold still," he begged, his words tumbling out in a rush.

I just nodded and embraced him, willing to wait. Willing to do whatever I needed to do to make this worth it for Edward. To convince myself that this was what I wanted- an eternity of Edward, of devoting myself to him, of being consumed with a need to ensure his well-being before my own, of being worshipped and adored. I almost laughed, then; who would have to convince themselves of that? It sounded like every fairy-tale love. The stuff of dreams.

When his hips finally began to move in between my thighs, I could have cried with relief. It allowed me to stop thinking of everything but what was happening at that moment. My first thought was _Thank God_, followed by _There's no way this is his first time_. While his pace was slow, the white-hot flame of desire spreading leisurely across my nerves, it was confident. Assured.

"How-" I began, but he cut me off.

"People spend a great deal of their time thinking about making love, Bella. I don't try to listen. But if it makes it better for you, for us, then it was worth it."

His pace continued, pulling out slowly and pushing back in just as slowly, plunging deeply inside of me. His eyes were trained intently on my face, watching for my reactions. My little room filled with the soft, quiet noises we were making. His low growls and strangled groans, my own little gasps and soft moans.

I thought my heart was going to burst. He loved me more than anything, and I didn't deserve any of it. Not one bit.

"Are you okay? Bella, did I hurt you? I didn't- your heart- I don't- Why- crying- I just- Bellaaaa-" he babbled, his voice panicked and confused. His began kissing the skin on my face again, and I realized I was crying.

"Edward, I- ah- I love you. IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou. Oh, god." I sobbed, holding him as tightly as I could to my body. It was the truth. Edward's happiness, his existence, his life were more important to me than any aspect of myself. _But you loved James without having to give up anything of yourself_, my thoughts reminded me.

"Let go," I urged, pleading with my voice and my hands and the movements of my hips.

I needed him to make me forget James. In a move that was probably more dangerous than Edward would have liked but that he was powerless to stop, I guided our mouths together. Pouring every bit of love I'd ever felt for him into the kiss. Our lips feathered against one another's, tongues flicking out to taste hesitantly before we melded together more heavily.

It wasn't long before I felt his rhythm begin to dissolve, his pace quickening at the same time the force behind each thrust began to escalate. I wanted to encourage him, to talk him through it, but I wanted his first time to be sweet, not dirty. Lovemaking, not fucking like mine had been. It looked like we'd have time to explore the other areas.

I barely even noticed as Edward's hand skimmed down my body. I felt like I was on fire so the touch of his cool skin was a relief, and that was all I thought of. But then, I felt the firm touch of his fingers right over my clit, and his pace had slowed down again. I nearly jumped out of my skin at the onslaught of sensation.

"Bella, I'm insulted. Did you really think I'd let you make this all about me? If we're going to do this, we're going to do it right." He was trying to sound cocky, but between the underlying tension and the crack in the middle, the effect was lost.

I started to laugh, but then his fingers began moving. The stroking between my legs effectively stopped any thoughts I'd had going through my head.

Then, what happened next caught me even more off guard. As Edward's hips began thrusting harder against me, his mouth had started moving. But it wasn't just the sticky sweet nonsense I was expecting. Of course not. His voice was as beautiful as always, his pronunciation flawless as he spoke to me.

"I love you, Bella. God. Bella, Bella, Bella. You're absolutely on fire. You're setting _me _on fire. So hot..."

His sweet breath washed over my face, and I shut my eyes, inhaling. My hips were moving urgently against his hand now, trapping it between our bodies. The orgasm swept me up so quickly I could do nothing but give myself completely over to it. It wasn't until Edward heard my first keening cry that he finally let go as much as he was going to allow himself. He ground himself against me, thrusting harder than I thought he would be willing to. I felt my internal walls clenching around him, squeezing, loving. And judging by the rumbling in his chest, I would say he loved it.

It took a few more jagged thrusts before I felt his release. The sound of his groan nearly pushed me over the edge again, but I clung to him, my arms and legs wrapped as tightly around his body as I could manage. After a few minutes, he slid slightly down my body, resting his ear against my chest. I still clutched him to me, unwilling to let him go, unwilling to give up the quiet that touching him afforded my thoughts.

"Your heart..." Edward sighed, marvel in his voice.

We stayed together like that for the remainder of the night, complete in one another. There were no thoughts of James, from either of us.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**


	19. Chapter 19

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE AND DISCLAIMER:**_

_**Stephenie Meyer is the author of Twilight. She owns the characters, and the Twilight Series. I'm just offering an alternate possibility.**_

_**I am eternally grateful to Jmeyer for acting as my beta. **_

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**James' POV-**

When I left Bella, I returned to the cabin. I couldn't bring myself to leave it. Seeing that weakness in myself made me cringe, but I just couldn't leave. Her smell still hung in the air, both taunting and comforting me. As I lay on the little couch Bella had refused to touch, I was surprised by an onslaught of memories: kissing Bella the first time, the look in her eyes when I brought her the bag of books, the first time we'd really made love. The way she looked at Edward when he appeared. Her telling me she didn't want me, in her room.

I rolled over on the couch, rubbing hard at my eyes, willing the pictures from my mind. This smell was going to torture me, relentlessly reminding me of Bella and needling the pain in my chest. Perhaps it would also serve as a warning, a reminder of what had happened when I took a risk emotion-wise. Not that I'd ever put myself in a position like that ever again, but I'd take any help I could get.

God, this was humiliating. I wasn't supposed to be weak. I definitely wasn't supposed to love a human.

Bella was just... fascinating. How could I not have fallen for her? She was smart and funny. She infuriated me, but she didn't back down when we butted heads. She was so strong, although it was a quiet strength.

I groaned and pushed off of the couch, walking to the door. I needed to hunt. I couldn't let Isabella Swan stop me from living my life. I'd been happy before her, and I could be happy again now that she was gone. I was not the overly emotional idiot that the Cullen she'd chosen seemed to be. I wouldn't be brought to my knees by feelings for a human girl. It wasn't that I didn't love Bella. I just couldn't let that love ruin me. Loving Bella had changed me, but I was not going to lose myself.

No, I couldn't afford to lose myself. It was all I seemed to have at that moment.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Bella's POV-**

The next morning, my first waking emotion was guilt. It wasn't guilt over what we'd done- I still loved Edward, and I didn't regret giving myself to him. I felt guilty for not telling him the truth about James. I just couldn't bring myself to. He always read my face so well, and it killed me to think of what he might see on my face if I described James appearing in my room. I wanted to be truthful with him, but I didn't want to hurt him. I'd never wanted to hurt him.

"Good morning..." Edward sighed into my ear, his arms tightening just slightly around me. I didn't turn to face him, although I did murmur a response.

"What are you thinking about?" he questioned, trying again to draw me into conversation.

"How much I love you," I answered somewhat truthfully. Even_ I_ could hear the sad tone in my voice, and I cringed inwardly.

"I love you too, Bella, more than anything and everything in the world. Why do you sound so sorrowful?" His concern was evident in his voice. I felt awful for letting my negative mood into my answer.

"It's nothing, I promise. I was just worrying a little. I love you. Please don't worry about it," I said as I rolled over to face him, resting my head against his shoulder.

"Bella, I swear that I will keep you safe. I need for you to believe that. I am not going to let anything get to you and take you away from me."

I sighed softly and wrapped my arms around him. I was tired of trying to analyze my emotions. It was too draining, and I just couldn't take it anymore. I wanted things to be like they were before James had ever entered my life.

_Liar_, my conscience retorted.

"Let's have a good day, Edward."

He laughed softly as he hooked a finger beneath my chin, raising my face so he could kiss me gently. "Isabella Marie Swan, every day I'm with you is a wonderful day."

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Edward's POV-**

I was worried about Bella. The strange emotions in her voice, the way she hesitated before meeting my eyes. I couldn't bear that she was concerned for her safety. I would protect her with everything I had. I would not allow her to come to harm. When she rolled over to face me, I just held her, content to offer her what reassurances I could. Eventually she would trust that I could keep her safe. I had failed once, but I was not stupid and I would not fail again. Bella was not leaving my sight unless Alice could stay with her. I would prefer to leave Jasper, as he had the most experience fighting, but he also had the least experience resisting humans, and Bella smelled so very delectable.

"Let's have a good day, Edward." Bella's timid voice broke me from my thoughts.

I couldn't help the smile that curved my lips. I was already having a good day, just laying there with Bella. The night before had been magnificent. I couldn't bring myself to regret it, although I was sad for the loss of Bella's virtue. I refused to consider her time in the cabin, because she hadn't been in her right mind at that time. Regardless, I was in an excellent mood, and so long as Bella was at my side, I was sure to have a wonderful day. Apparently she didn't know that... surely I had to fix that little mistake.

I raised her face to mine and brushed my lips against hers, humming contentedly at the feel of her warm mouth.

"Isabella Marie Swan, every day I'm with you is a wonderful day," I murmured intensely, willing her to believe me. She had to believe it, just like she had to believe that I could keep her safe.

Our lives had taken a tragic detour thanks to James, but I was more determined than ever to get it back on track. Our previous dilemmas seemed like nothing now. I realized that as long as Bella wanted me, I could not be without her. It was as simple as that. If she wanted me for forever... well, if she wanted me for forever, than we'd figure out a way to make that happen.

I never wanted to deny Bella anything. She was my everything, and I would spend the rest of eternity making her happy, if that was what she wanted.

I grinned, a bit of the weight lifted from my shoulders by my revelation.

"Alright, Bella. Let's have a good day."

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Bella's POV-**

We had a good day that day, and the day after that, and the day after that, and so on. Sometimes we just cuddled together and talked, other days we went to the Cullen house and joked and laughed with his family. We made love. When he had to hunt, I spent the night with Alice, painting toenails and watching chick flicks. It was torture, but I loved Alice, so I endured it.

The guilt over not telling Edward about James was constantly with me, whether in the back of my mind or consuming my thoughts. One time I had almost blurted a confession to Alice, but then I remembered Edward would likely hear it in her thoughts. So I kept my silence, and the guilt grew. Of course, Alice knew something was up, but she never pressed for answers. She seemed to know as well as I did what the confession would do to Edward, although she didn't know what had actually happened.

It was early afternoon when Alice and I were sprawled out on my bed in Edward's room, watching a movie, when she turned to me suddenly. "You'll tell him eventually..." she remarked sadly, the pain in her eyes heartbreaking. "I can't see the details, but I know you will."

I shook my head, feeling almost numb. If just knowing that I would tell him had caused Alice to feel so much pain, there was no way I would tell him. I couldn't. I wouldn't break Edward's heart.

"No. No I'm not. I'm not telling him anything. There isn't anything to tell! We're happy, Alice. Everything is going to be okay, remember?"

I felt frantic. I needed her to believe it. I needed her to have another vision, one where I never hurt Edward again, and we were happy. She just looked back at me sadly, before wrapping me in a tight hug.

"Bella!" I heard Edward's voice call from downstairs. Apparently he was back from hunting. Alice barely had enough time to compose herself before Edward opened the door, lifting me from the bed and wrapping me in his arms.

"I missed you," he whispered, inhaling deeply as he pushed his face against my neck.

"I missed you too." Alice had left the room, leaving Edward and I alone for our reunion. He hadn't been gone long, but he hated being apart from me, so our reunions were always fairly intense. Jasper hated them, I knew.

Edward sat me on the bed then lay down next to me, looking up at me with a smile on his face. "I have a surprise for you."

"What kind of surprise?" I questioned, arching one eyebrow as I looked down at him. Brushing my hand lightly through his hair, then resting it on his jaw. I liked touching him.

"I'm going to take you to a symphony concert!" He was practically shaking with excitement, his face lit up like a kid's on Christmas morning.

I laughed, disbelief in my voice when I spoke. "You just told me the surprise?"

"Well, I have more of a surprise for when we're actually there. Something important I want to talk to you about. You need to know about the concert so you can be dressed for one when I arrive to pick you up."

My smile almost faltered when he spoke of something important... I needed to deal with the guilt before we moved further. Edward could sometimes be a little grandiose in his plans, so I had no idea what he wanted to talk about, but if it involved the two of us, I couldn't still have the guilt. I couldn't tell Edward either. I had seen the look in Alice's eyes. My smile didn't fall, however. "When is this concert?" I asked warily, my heart sinking as his grin widened.

"Tonight!"

That left me just a few hours to find a way to assuage my guilt and get ready for Edward's important talk. I took a deep breath and smiled in what I hoped was a brilliant manner. "It sounds wonderful. Can I go home to get ready now?"

I heard Alice's voice from downstairs, excitement masking her worry. "C'mon Bella, we don't have much time! We're taking my car. I've already picked out a few outfits!"

I groaned and looked at Edward, who just shrugged and smiled.

"I'll see you at six, Bella. I love you."

I sighed, and then smiled again. "I love you too."

~*~*~*

By the time six rolled around, I was pacing around my room. I felt sick to my stomach from the guilt. I had to tell Edward. I couldn't tell Edward. I couldn't hurt him again. How was I supposed to continue lying to him? A knock sounded at the door, and I practically flew down the stairs, grateful that Charlie was at the reservation for fish fry and a sports game.

"Hi," I acknowledged, forcing a shaky smile to my lips. Edward's eyes slid down my body appraisingly before meeting my eyes.

"You look beautiful."

I glanced to the mirror next to me. Before leaving, Alice had curled my hair into silky ringlets and dressed me in a simple navy blue dress that hit right at my knees and flared when I spun in a circle. She'd applied makeup tastefully. I really did look pretty, I realized with a smile. "Thank you."

He placed a hand at the small of my back, ushering me towards the car. Suddenly the guilt returned, twisting my gut with incredible force. When I buckled my seat belt, my hands were shaking so badly that it took me three tries.

Edward started driving, although he looked over at me several times, concern marking his face. After several minutes of silence, he turned his face towards me.

"Bella, what's wrong?"

I took a deep breath, folding my hands in my lap. I wanted to cry. I wanted to laugh and tell him nothing was wrong. I knew what needed to be done, however.

"Edward, there's something I need to tell you."

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**


	20. Chapter 20

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE AND DISCLAIMER:**_

_**Stephenie Meyer is the author of Twilight. She owns the characters, and the Twilight Series. I'm just offering an alternate possibility.**_

_**I am eternally grateful to Jmeyer for acting as my beta. **_

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Bella's POV-**

_Edward started driving, although he looked over at me several times, concern marking his face. After several minutes of silence, he turned his face towards me. _

_"Bella, what's wrong?"_

_I took a deep breath, folding my hands in my lap. I wanted to cry. I wanted to laugh and tell him nothing was wrong. I knew what needed to be done, however._

_"Edward, there's something I need to tell you."_

In that moment the world stilled and time itself slowed to barely a crawl. His eyes dropped to my lips, waiting for whatever pain they would dole out. His chest had stopped moving; he was literally holding his breath waiting for what came next. All my courage failed me then, and I wanted to pretend I hadn't said anything. I wanted to pretend everything was alright and go to the symphony with my soul mate and not worry. I couldn't do any of those things, however. I had already opened this particular Pandora's box; there was no reason not to go through with it.

"Do you remember the night when James came into my room?" My voice was hardly a squeak. I paused, waiting for Edward to acknowledge me; he gave just one quick jerk of his head to indicate that he heard me and knew what I was talking about.

"I woke up that night."

Silence. The seconds dragged by as I waited for the slightest sign that he was paying attention. The only indication he'd heard me was the tightening of his grasp on the steering wheel. Much more and it would snap in half. I swallowed, my voice even quieter when I began speaking again.

"I… well, I… I kissed him."

My eyes searched his face frantically for a reaction. I knew he was going over the events following that night: when I'd lied to him, when I had the nightmare, when I begged him to help me make new memories. Awareness dawned on his face just a second before his eyes darkened, a strangled groan coming from his throat. Fear shot through me as I listened to the heart-wrenching sound-- not fear for me, but fear for what this would do to Edward.

"Edward?" I croaked, reaching out for him.

The undiluted sorrow in his voice stopped my movements cold as he moaned, "I thought you were getting better, Bella. I thought you _loved _me again!"

"I do! I love you. I swear I do. I told him to leave, Edward. I told him I couldn't hurt you anymore."

He gave a harsh laugh as he turned back to the road, his foot pressing harder on the accelerator. "Yes, and you accomplished that so brilliantly!"

"Edward, please. Please listen to me. I love you so much. I want to be better for you. I just couldn't tell you. I didn't mean to lie," I wailed, reaching out to him again; I just wanted the physical contact.

He let me touch his arm, although he didn't acknowledge me for several moments. He just drove faster, his grip punishing on the steering wheel.

"Was it all because of him?" he whispered, eyes darting over to mine for just a split second. That second was enough to remind me that Edward was a guarded, self-conscious, young man at heart. A stupid man sometimes, but someone who needed reassurance just as much as I did.

"No. God, no. I love you Edward. I'm doing my best to be perfect for you. Sometimes I fail miserably, but I'm trying. I wanted you. I've wanted you every time since then."

I didn't tell him that I used the sex as a way to forget James. I didn't tell him that in moments of idleness, I found myself comparing the two. Those would have all been bad things to say, and I really didn't want to hurt him any more than I had.

As I watched his face, most of the sadness was replaced by fury. Gleaming teeth were bared and eyes narrowed as his face set in the stony imitation of someone's worst nightmare. He looked… inhuman. For once in my presence, he looked like the monster he so often proclaimed himself to be.

"I'm never going to let him near you again, Bella. I won't let him ruin us."

I nodded as a shiver raced down my spine. For the first time in my life, I was truly afraid of Edward, of what he was and of what he was capable of.

I didn't like the feeling.

_That won't be hard,_ I thought. _He's not the one you have to worry about. I'm the one who is going to ruin us._

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Edward's POV-**

We made excellent time to the concert; my tension had translated directly into a need for speed, as it were. The concert was not the least bit enjoyable. Or perhaps it was, but I simply couldn't notice because my thoughts were entirely consumed with ways to deter James from ever seeing Bella again. Her recovery had been slow and incomplete, hindered, I'm sure, by the fact that she could not speak to a true psychologist about the events that had taken place at the cabin. She had only Carlisle, who was a fantastic physician, but had only a little training in psychology.

Regardless, Bella had been making improvements. To think that James had almost ruined everything... I felt the venom pool in my mouth and a quiet growl rumble forth from my chest. I would kill him. Obviously leaving him alive as a gesture of kindness for taking care of Victoria had been a mistake. We had won his little game, ruined his little hunt. I could not imagine what else he wanted with Bella.

I felt Bella's fire-hot touch on the cool back of my hand as she leaned towards me to whisper into my ear.

"You're growling... do we need to leave?"

I opened my mouth to answer her, but too many responses gathered at the tip of my tongue, threatening to spill forth. I wanted to placate her. I wanted to tell her that yes, we needed to leave. I wanted to tell her I was going to kill James. Yes, I even wanted to say a few not-so-gentlemanly things.

Instead of speaking, I just shook my head and forced myself to relax in my chair. I did my best to block out the music as well as the minds of those around us so I could focus on the problem of James.

The answer eluded me for the entirety of the concert and the majority of the very silent ride home. It wasn't until I pulled up in front of Bella's house that the solution occurred to me; the insight struck rather suddenly, and I knew precisely what had to be done.

"I'll be back as soon as I take the car back home. Try to sleep," I murmured to her as I leaned to brush the softest kiss across her cheek. Only an idiot would miss the alarm that flared in her eyes, and I was no idiot.

"I promise I'll be back. I'm always with you when you go to sleep and when you wake up, aren't I?" _That leaves a great deal of time in between, my sweet girl._

"Yeah, you are. Okay. Hurry back though, please? I don't want you to be mad at me," she pleaded, her little hand grasping mine as tightly as she could manage. I tugged my hand away and turned back to the wheel, signaling to her that I wanted to leave.

It was cold, yes. And yes, I knew better than to ever treat her poorly, but I had not forgotten that she had kissed James mere hours before taking me between her legs, and I was certainly no saint. My fury still coursed through me like a hell-bent inferno.

"I'll return, Bella. I love you."

The rest of the night passed quickly, thank God. I returned to her and hummed her to sleep, our legs tangled together on the bed. The night heat was unusually stifling, and my skin felt good on hers so she wanted to be as close as possible to me, she said. Of course, I couldn't deny her.

Only once did she ask about the important news I wanted to share with her, and I brushed it aside quickly. The situation had changed. Whether or not Bella would become a vampire was up for debate again; my former plans hinged on her loving me at least half as much as I loved her, but it was quickly seeming like I only had half of her heart.

Well enough. I would mend things. I would remove James from the equation so that Bella and I could return to our lives. To our eternity together.

As soon as Bella was deep enough into her sleep, I began extricating myself from her limbs. I had duties to attend to while she slept. I was going to find James for her. For us. I had a good idea for where to start my search. There was only one place he could possibly be, really, if he truly wished for Bella to return to him.

I slipped from Bella's window and hit the ground with the softest thump. The leaves of the tree next to me rattled only faintly, disturbed by my motion. I could still hear Bella's heartbeat, still smell her blood tempting me from inside her room. I didn't have time to relish those signs that she was alive and well, like I usually preferred to do.

I was headed for the cabin to find James. To set everything right again.

~*~*~*~

I will forever remember the cabin where James took Bella; the location, the layout, the trees surrounding it, the furniture inside-- all are indelibly marked on my perfect memory. I got much closer than I assumed I would when I heard the low snarl of James' mind. It was like static, every other thought pushed to the side and running at a constant hum in favor of trusting his instincts. His drive to survive had entirely taken over. Clearly, he knew I was approaching.

"James!" I roared as loud as my vocal cords would allow. The forest erupted into chaos as the animals that hadn't been deterred by the mere presence of a predator scattered in alarm.

"Leave," he hissed, standing in front of me suddenly. His eyes were a dull red, but the expression on his face was akin to madness.

"I can't do that," I responded, sadness in my voice. I wanted to leave. I wanted to leave him alive for helping us. I wanted to go back to my life with Bella.

I could not have both though, and I had chosen a life with Bella over a show of gratitude.

He dropped into the defensive stance, the expression on his face triggering some instinct in myself. Every natural instinct screamed for me to attack, to defend myself, to kill or be killed.

"Leave, and I won't tear that pretty little head clear off your shoulders. Run back to your girlfriend, and everything will be just fine. I haven't hurt your family."

I sighed, trying to ease some of the tension that was enveloping my body. I needed to remain civilized. The monster in me thrashed against its cage, but I was a Cullen, and Carlisle approached every situation with a certain diplomacy that he expected all of us to exhibit to some degree.

"Bella is mine. I'm not going to let you get to her again. I love her, and she's made her decision. I appreciate that you stopped Victoria from killing her, but I won't let you harm Bella."

He chuckled, a sneer distorting his face. "I killed Victoria. The only woman that's ever loved me, don't you know, and I killed her. But I don't want your little bitch, Eddie. You can keep her."

The words echoed in my ears and my tenuous hold on the monster snapped. "You have no right to speak about her," I snarled.

I wanted to kill him. I wanted to tear him limb from limb with my bare hands.

The impact from our bodies slamming into one another shook the trees. James was stronger than me, but I was faster. We growled and snarled, our teeth seeking purchase wherever they could get it while our hands tore at one another. He was older than I was, his human build more developed than my own had been at the time of change, but my speed helped me to avoid him. I tore at his skin with my teeth whenever I escaped his grasp.

This macabre dance continued for longer than I had hoped with no change. Neither of us gained any ground.

Then, somehow, brilliantly, gloriously, I was making more progress than he was. My teeth hit home more often, and I rarely felt his punishing strength trying to crush me. The monster in my head rejoiced, victory thrumming through my veins. I would finish this. I would kill James, for Bella, for myself, for the life we deserved to live.

His hand closed around my wrist, and then I was flying through the air. I didn't stop until I hit a tree, the force of the hit snapping the tree right at the middle. I struggled to leap up, crouched down as I faced those dull crimson eyes.

"Enough," he mumbled, rubbing a particularly bad bite on his neck.

"I beg to differ. It will not be enough until I'm watching that horrid smoke drift away as the last of your remains burn."

The more I looked, the more I realized that a heartbroken man had replaced the crazed animal I'd been fighting with just seconds ago. I tested his thoughts and found only thoughts of Bella and a grief that almost crippled me.

"You win, Cullen. Jesus Christ, do you win." He looked furious beneath the sorrow, his fists clenching repeatedly as he spoke. "I give up. She's yours to keep. She loves you. She always has. She wants nothing to do with me."

I'll admit that my first reaction was just to gape at him. He was just going to give up? This was not the James I had met before, the emotionally distant tracker who would go to any lengths to kill his prey. I was dumbfounded by the emotions churning in his thoughts.

The most shocking of all was the love.

Overwhelming, unadulterated, complex, awe-inspiring love. It wasn't what I felt for Bella, but it was close enough that just the impression of it left me speechless.

"I'm sorry," I blurted as my fingers rubbed at my skin over my still heart. It absolutely _ached_. I did not want to sympathize with this man, this vampire who had almost ruined my one shot at happiness. How could I not sympathize, though, when my heart remembered how it felt to lose Bella, to believe she was dead, to even consider the possibility I might never see her and feel her love again? I'd barely survived it myself, and I'd had the hope that she would return. James had no such hope. Bella had blatantly refused him when he returned for her.

"Take care of her," he whispered, turning his back to me. He looked... broken. His shoulders slumped forward, his skin marred by gashes from my teeth although they'd already begun to heal.

Briefly I felt regret, because those marks would always be with him. I had been justified in coming here, I reminded myself. I had only been trying to protect Bella from that which she could not protect _herself_ from.

My mind was reeling from this little truce that had occurred. I did not want to kill him, although he wanted me to. He wanted an excuse to be free from this grief. I pressed my lips tightly together, every muscle still wound tight, ready to spring. While I commiserated with him, I knew he was dangerous. Everything about him set my survival instinct on red alert. It couldn't hurt to offer him a bit of comfort, however.

"I plan to spend the rest of my life making sure she's happy."

As I watched he ran off, back towards the cabin. Only when I was sure he was far enough away from me, I turned my back and began returning to Bella. The need to be near her, to hold her, to tell her I loved her, was almost debilitating.

I didn't draw another breath until I climbed back into the bed with her, sucking in the sweet air as her limbs tangled with mine, relishing the burn that roared to life in my throat. This would forever be the sweetest torture. It was a reassurance that she was alive and near that almost completely overshadowed the blood-hungry monster that demanded her life. I would rather feel as if my throat was engulfed in flames for the rest of eternity than live without Bella.

At the thought of living without her, James' haunted face and broken stance flashed across my memory. I nuzzled against Bella, brushing a kiss across her forehead and moving my lips close to her ear.

"He really loved you," I whispered. I was afraid of waking her but knew that I had to tell her somehow.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Bella's POV-  
**

"He really loved you."

_I know._

_I really loved him too._

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**


	21. Chapter 21

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE AND DISCLAIMER:**_

_**Stephenie Meyer is the author of Twilight. She owns the characters, and the Twilight Series. I'm just offering an alternate possibility.**_

_**I am eternally grateful to Jmeyer for acting as my beta. **_

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Bella's POV-**

_I don't know where I am._

_Dark._

_Wherever it is, it's dark._

_It's a heavy darkness; it is thick, unending, full of things I don't want to know. The only light comes from... a glow, of sorts. It's the only way I know how to describe it. A faint light that is everywhere and nowhere all the same. The ground beneath me is slick and ice cold. Fog curls around me, dense and gray. There's an arctic chill in the air that cuts right to the bone and sears my throat and lungs with each breath. I should be shivering, but I'm not. I'm just sitting on the rock, staring as my toes slice through the crystal clear water below me._

_Back._

_Forth._

_Back and forth. _

_In front of me, the clear water stretches infinitely, the misty haze hovering just above the surface. Behind me, there are shadows. I don't know how I know this because I can't look. Even the thought of turning my head ever so slightly sends terror coursing through my veins. There is something hiding there, something waiting for me in the shadows. A monster, perhaps, licking it's razor sharp teeth, lurking in the darkness, waiting for me to turn and acknowledge it before it tears my throat out. Or maybe something else. Whatever it is, it is bad. _

_I know this just as surely as I know my own name. _

_The word thunders through my mind-- "_Bad. Bad. Bad. Bad. Bad. Bad. Bad."

_I can't turn around or else it will ruin me._

_A breeze swirls around me as the fog bears down, urging me._

_"Look," it says._

_"See."_

_"_Bad,_" my thoughts remind me. My blood roars in my ears. My legs are tingling. I want to run. I _should _run. My only real option is to dive headfirst into the frigid water and swim until I drown. I cannot and will not tear off into the unknown. Not when it would surely destroy me. So I remain where I am: head forward, feet dangling into the water like fishing lures._

_The entire scene is beginning to resemble a clichéd horror movie: just when I've come to the realization I have nowhere to go, just as the panic reaches critical mass, God finds his love for the macabre and decides to make everything that much more unbearable._

_There is someone coming up from the left._

_He approaches slowly. I feel my skin crawl as the adrenaline rushes through my veins again. I try to resist my curiosity's demand to investigate but it is useless. Curiosity wins. My eyes slide over, hoping to catch a glimpse of this new horror before he is upon me. _

_There is an ethereal light about him, emanating from every pore of his tanned skin; his only clothing is a pair of tattered shorts that hang low on his hips. It's almost intimate, but I can't find it in myself to care. In his presence, the shadows, the fog, and the panic retreat, curling back on themselves as he sits next to me. I continue to swing my legs._

_Back and forth._

_Back and forth._

_A quick "swish, swish" through the water. _

_Not wanting to risk seeing what lies in the darkness behind me, I steal small, quick glances of him._

_His face is beautiful, flawless. An angel's face. I know that's what he is-- an angel. My angel. I feel better now that he's near me, driving back the dancing shadows and doom, easing the crippling anxiety that had seized my heart. Time creeps on as we sit silent._

_"He really loved you." I can see his lips move, but the sound, that absolutely heartbreaking sound, seems to reverberate from all around us._

_I can feel the confusion written on my face as I turn to face him. "Who? What are you talking about?"_

_Sad eyes slide over my face, looking as confused as I feel. There are accusations in those eyes, accusations I can't even begin to understand, although I try. I don't know why I'm here, what he's talking about. Grief twists the features of his handsome face. _

_"You just keep hurting him! He _loved _you!"_

_My mind races to make sense of his words. Frustrated, I pound my fists against the granite beneath us. "Who? Who am I hurting? Who?!"_

_He sighs mournfully, the regret plain in his eyes. "It's too late now, though."_

_A single tear slips its way down his cheek. This man, this _angel _is lovely and heartbreaking and angry. So angry._

_Angry at me._

_"How could you let this happen?" he wails, strong fingers wrapping themselves around my upper arms, bruising the flesh as he shakes me. Royal purple flowers blossom beneath his grip as he lifts me to my feet._

_"How could I let what happen?" I demand. I want to yell or scream, but I know I shouldn't. Somehow, I know the guilt is mine._

_One hand lets go, pointing to the darkness that has come creeping back upon us, willing me to look. He wants me to look. I can't look; I'm not supposed to know what is back there. I don't want to know. There is something dangerous in the shadows behind me. No, I'm not supposed to look. I don't know much, here in this frozen wasteland, but I know that whatever I do I mustn't look behind me._

_"_Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad,_" my mind chants. A simple word. Three letters. My last lifeline._

_"Look, Bella. Look at what you've done!" he snarls in my ear. I can feel the dread crawling up my spine as I turn my head, helpless against this angel. I'm not supposed to look back there, but I do anyways. The angel, my angel, has demanded it._

_Time stills as the darkness gives way to a grotesque scene. If I wouldn't have looked... this wouldn't have hurt if I'd just kept my eyes forward like I was supposed to... I was so greedy... I could never behave like I was supposed to... _

_The blackness has crept back, inching over two figures that are propped against one another in a strange imitation of amicability. One has its ruined arm slung about the other's shoulders, what remain of them anyway. The jaws of both hang unnaturally, twisting the mouths into sinister grins. The smile of the rag doll is wider, more visible; his jaw has been almost completely removed. The tendons and muscles once used to contort the handsome face into a wide array of emotions are visible on the side of his face, his pallid skin thickly coated in blood that has dried and begun to crack._

_James._

_James and Edward. _

_Dead, that much is immediately apparent. Their eyes bore through me blankly, human shades of glittering blue and brilliant green. Even in death they are magnificent. Their bodies have been ravaged, torn to pieces, presumably by one another. James is worse off than Edward. Every inch of his skin is bruised or bloody. His shoulders are uneven, and it takes me a moment to realize that's because his arm has been wrenched from its socket. James has been cracked open like an autopsy cadaver; I can see the white of his rib bones amongst all the blood. Both men have only a ragged, gaping hole where their hearts should be._

_A wave of nausea twists viciously through my gut._

_"How could you do this to him?" _

_It isn't so much a question as it is a plea. I can't stop the deluge of tears brought on by the misery in the angel's voice._

_"I don't know what you're talking about," I sob, shutting my eyes to block out the look of accusation, the burning fury, the hatred marring this angel's face. I don't want to see this. _

_I don't want to see any of it._

_I don't want to see this angel who has come to serve as my judge and jury, and I most certainly do not want to see the destruction I've caused._

_"How could you do this to him?"_

_I have no answer. There is no way to justify the carnage I've witnessed. I can feel him growing frustrated with my lack of an answer, but I'm too terrified to speak. Too hurt to form the words._

_"Open your eyes!" he commands, his voice more like a force of nature, like thunder, than it is a human's voice. "Open your eyes and look at what you've done!"_

_I can't. _

_I can't look at it. _

_The clammy fingers of the fog creep back over us, and I can feel the doom resettling deep in my heart. I can't breathe, and I can't look back there again. I knew I wasn't supposed to look, but he made me. If I hadn't looked, I wouldn't know what happened. If I hadn't looked, this wouldn't be real. I don't know how or when everything went so wrong._

_I shake my head and squeeze my eyes shut even tighter. That is not enough to block the image of James and Edward massacred behind us, so I move my hands over my eyes, resisting his attempt to stop me._

_I can't look at this._

_"Open your eyes, Bella," the angels hisses, his grip punishing on my wrists as he tugs. "Open your eyes!"_

"Bella, open your eyes!"

The echo of my gasps for air filled the room as I stopped struggling. I chose to focus instead on the feel of cool hands wrapped gently around my wrists and the weight of the leg thrown over mine. I could feel the warmth of the sunlight streaming in through the window, hear the happy twittering of birds in the tree outside. I had become tangled in something...

Sheets?

It took a beat, two beats, for the realization to sink in: I was in a bed.

My bed!

I was home. I was home, and I was safe.

"Edward!" I choked, finally opening my eyes. I relished in the sight of him as he hovered over me, gloriously alive. His golden eyes stared back at me, concerned.

I slipped my hands from his and threw my arms around his neck, burying my face against his skin. The last thing I needed to do was encourage Edward to worry, but I needed the comfort of his touch and the calm his smell offered my frayed nerves.

"You scared me to death," he chided softly as his arms snaked around me.

I couldn't suppress my giggle, and I pushed myself away enough that I could look him in the eye. "So time and most weapons have no effect on you, but I have a nightmare and you're a goner? Some tough vampire you are."

As I watched, he warred between concern and amusement. Finally, the amusement won out, and his lips curved into a crooked little smile.

"What can I say? You've always been my biggest weakness," he growled as he rolled over so that I was sprawled across his chest.

The memory of the angel's voice echoed in my mind, wailing that I look at what I'd done. In my dream, I had essentially murdered both James and Edward. I was their biggest weakness, and it had left them both so vulnerable. It was not wonder that James had been so thoroughly destroyed.

"Bella? Bella, are you alright?" His smooth voice brushed away the memory of the dream, and his fingers completed the job as they trailed along my spine. "That dream seemed rather upsetting."

"It was nothing."

"Are you sure? You _can_ tell me anything, you know. It just might help you feel better to get it out," he coaxed, his sweet breath washing over my face.

My teeth gnawed absently at the soft flesh of my lower lip as I struggled to make my decision. Should I tell him and risk his anger and worry? It had just been a dream, nothing more. There was nothing to worry about, right?

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, Bella," Edward's voice continued softly. It was the doubt in his eyes that broke me.

"I don't know how to describe it. It's going to sound so stupid!" I complained, looking to him for guidance. He merely stared back, waiting.

I sighed, relenting. "Okay, fine. Well, um... I was alone... and it was cold, dark... and God, it was just awful. But then I turned around and you and James... you had killed one another, and I saw it."

There was a pause. Edward's eyes narrowed and the crooked grin disappeared, replaced by a taut line. "You saw us kill one another?"

"Well not really. I just saw the aftermath."

This seemed to only make him angrier. I scrambled to fix things, to erase the look of pain from his face. "It's no big deal, Edward. It was just a nightmare. You two won't ever see each other again so I'm not worried about it. I promise."

His expression changed but not the way I'd anticipated. Now he looked sheepish and a bit frightened.

"Actually, I saw him last night."

I stared down at him, blinking.

Blinking again.

The seconds ticked away as I struggled to make sense of Edward's statement.

Edward.

Saw James.

Last night.

_Wait, WHAT?_

"How did you see him last night? Was he here? Did he come back for me?" I sat up quickly. My voice was appropriately anxious, but it was hardly from fear. I wanted James to come back.

I wanted him to fight for me.

Edward stood and began to pace as he regarded me warily. "No, Bella. I went to find him. We fought."

We fought.

_Oh. My. God. He killed him. Edward killed James. James is dead._

Seconds passed and became minutes that seemed to stretch on for hours. We sat in silence for God only knows how long. Then, before I could stop it, a low cry rose from my throat. I felt like I was going to pass out. James was dead. James was dead because of me. James was dead, because I had told Edward about our kiss.

James was dead.

I was going to pass out.

I had ruined everything.

Oh God. The angel from my dream had been right-- it was too late. I had hurt both of them and continued to do so. James was dead. How was this going to affect Edward? I felt like sobbing; I felt like dying. A knot formed in my throat as tears burned my eyes. Why hadn't I felt this? Surely I would feel his loss- I was in love- had been in love- loved James.

"I didn't know you cared so much," Edward said wryly, his voice jerking me from my thoughts.

His face was blank when I looked up to meet his gaze. The doubt remained, coupled with an accusation that resembled that of my dream angel.

Rage swept through me, scorching and powerful. "You killed someone! Someone is dead! How could I not care?"

His expression softened, and he seemed almost hurt by my outburst. When he spoke, his words were careful and his voice quiet. "I didn't kill him, Bella."

"What? But... you said- you fought him! You said so!"

"I said we fought. I didn't kill him. James isn't dead."

"I don't understand. There's no way you would have fought and let him live. What on Earth happened?"

"There were… " he paused, weighing each word on his tongue "…_complications_. I failed to consider part of the situation when I went into the fight. Of course, I realized my mistake and changed my plans accordingly."

"What could possibly have changed your mind if you were there to kill him?" My voice was low and husky from the onslaught of tears and anger. Edward's eyes flared in a way I knew all too well. _Boys_, I chided internally.

"Do you really want to know?" he asked softly as he crawled cautiously onto the bed. He didn't look predatory at all, just... _needy_.

"Please, Edward?"

He groaned as he pulled me to him; it was so difficult to remember that I was angry with him when he was this close, molding my body to his, his scent cloaking me.

His lips brushed against the skin below my ear. "I don't want to lose you, Bella. I don't know what I'd do."

"Just tell me." _I can't promise that you'll never lose me._

"Fuck."

The expletive slipped past his lips of its own accord, and I could only stare at him in shock. That was nothing, a mere tremor compared to the sucker punch of his next words.

"He loved you, Bella; I mean to say that he really, honest-to-God loved you. He was grieving for you."

James had loved me, truly.

James might still love me.

The cabin had not been just an illusion. The tender moments and the gentleness, the love, it had all been very, very real. He had loved me, and I'd left. My promises, empty promises, rang in my ears. Empty promises to James as well as Edward. I promised James I would never leave him, but I promised forever to Edward. I had begged to spent eternity with him.

The nightmare flashed through my mind again: my two loves, dead and ravaged, James looking far more tortured than Edward. Why couldn't I figure out what I wanted? Why was it so hard to figure out whom I wanted to be with? My dilemma pushed to the forefront of my thoughts, demanding attention.

_Happy_ did not even begin to describe my feelings when I learned James was still alive.

But Edward loved me more than life itself.

I opened my mouth to say something, _anything._

The world went black as I passed out.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**James' POV-**

_Bella. Bella. Bella._

A deep breath.

_Bella. Bella. Bella._

Another breath.

_Bella. Danger. Need to check on Bella. Now._

I rolled over on the little cot, pressing my palms tightly against my ears. It wouldn't help silence the instincts thundering through my mind, but it sure as hell made me feel better about it.

_Bella doesn't want me, remember. She chose Edward. He is going to take care of her._

_Doesn't matter. Save Bella. Bella. Bella. Bella._

_She's not mine to save._

The internal chant finally quieted, and I went back to breathing. I inhaled deeply in hopes of feeling even a faint burn in my throat. It was the last chance of there being any sign of Bella left in the cabin.

Nothing.

The grief tore through me ruthlessly. It completely over-shadowed all of my other thoughts.

That is, all but one.

_Bella. _

_Bella._

_Bella._

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Bella's POV-**

The nightmare revisited me several times during those murky hours of deep sleep. After that, I had the same dream almost every night. Sure, there were differences, but they were always human, and they were always dead or near enough to it. One particularly awful night, James had still had some life in him-- his eyes begged something of me while his mangled jaw and bloody tongue moved, trying to speak to me. I'd turned away and begun to cry, just like every other time.

The dream haunted me even when I was awake. I never shut my eyes without seeing the ruined faces of the two men I loved. Most often it was James, but sometimes it would be Edward staring blankly back at me, his emerald eyes startling amongst all the gore.

I knew I was supposed to be getting something from the dream, but I just couldn't. I couldn't open my eyes and look again, I couldn't hear whatever James was trying to tell me. Sometimes it felt like the answer was at the back of my mind, just waiting for me to figure it out.

The days passed and became weeks, the weeks passed and became months. Senior year started, holidays passed, graduation came, and still I had no answer. I tried to figure it out. It came almost to the point of obsession. The only thing that could take my mind off of it was James. I thought about where he was, what he was doing at that particular point in time. I wondered if he ever thought about me. There were times when my arms absolutely ached for want of holding him. I missed him so much.

Edward, and everyone else for that matter, noticed the differences in me. "It's like you're not even here," they would say after I zoned out in conversation, "like you don't even care what's going on here."

I tried to make up for it. When I actually paid attention, I was the doting girlfriend, the perfect daughter. I felt guilty, but it couldn't be helped. I had my own problems to deal with, like the god-awful dream that just wouldn't leave me alone.

More and more often, I found myself questioning my situation. I just couldn't understand why Edward wasn't enough for me. He loved me with all the passion of first-love. He thought I was beyond perfect. I mean, he even suffered immense pain just to be near me. He called it his "sweetest torture," once. I knew we were soul mates; two halves of one person, the ideal partner for one another. I knew that just like I knew two and two make four. Girls would kill for a love like his, and yet I sometimes contemplated throwing it all away. Surely this meant there was something wrong with me-- didn't it?

_It doesn't torture James to be with you. It saves him,_ my thoughts would remind me. _What tortures him is being without you._

A few days after graduation, Alice took me to Seattle on a shopping trip in hopes of keeping me in the moment. She knew I needed a break from Edward. Her peppy attitude had become a lifesaver over the past few months, so I was happy to get out of Forks to spend the day with her. I threw myself into our conversation, hoping to keep James and the dream from my thoughts for just a few hours. It worked brilliantly, but after going to the hundredth clothing store, I raised my arms in surrender.

"Please, please no more, Alice. Let's go home, ok? I miss Edward." I didn't actually, not exactly anyways. I was anxious being away from him for so long, but I didn't miss him. I thought the plea would help get her back to the car, but she simply shook her head.

"I'm going to this store. There's a wonderful dress in there I'm going to buy that looks fantastic on. Jasper absolutely flips. The time away from Edward is good for you, really, Bella. You've been in a much better mood today; maybe you were feeling smothered?" Her eyes pierced mine, waiting for an answer.

"Well, how about you go to that store, and I'll run to the bookstore real quick?" I needed to pick up a few books. My _Wuthering Heights_ had disintegrated a few days prior. "I'll be safe, I swear."

She was silent for a moment but then agreed. "Alright. I just want you to be happy. I'll meet you there in a little while; I know exactly what the dress I'm buying looks like," she said with a wink, tapping her forehead once.

With that, we parted. The silence was refreshing after so much talking; I just wasn't used to all the conversation. Lately I had been even more silent than usual. Regardless, I had to admit that it was nice spending time with Alice.

I found the store easily. I inhaled deeply when I entered, feeling at ease immediately amongst the shelves and shelves of books. There was no nightmare here. Not mine, anyways. Here, I was safe. I had to resist the urge to run my finger over the spine of every book I passed. Each book, filled with "just" words but capable of transporting me to an entirely different world better than movies ever could. The power of words, of language, never ceased to amaze me.

I wandered through the store for awhile, just taking it all in. The bells over the door jingled, and I looked up reflexively.

My heart froze. My hand flew to cover my mouth.

Clutching a brand new copy of _Wuthering Heights_ and walking very quickly out the door, his head tucked low and body held impossibly rigid, was a man that looked like James.

No.

It was James.

My body knew it before my brain did; every instinct I possessed was screaming that I run to him. The door closed as he continued to walk with his face still turned away from the shop. I stood rooted to the spot as the feelings and memories rushed through my thoughts.

_The first time we kissed._

_When he held me pinned to the door._

_When he told me he loved me._

_The morning we spent cuddling in the kitchen._

_When I promised I'd never leave him._

_The look in his eyes as I left with Edward._

_In my dream, his body tattered, surrounded by gore as his mouth struggles to form words that I don't want to hear._

_My own voice, whispering. "It doesn't torture James to be with you, Bella. It saves him. What tortures you is to be away from him."_

It all clicked, like I'd been handed the most important piece to a puzzle. Everything made sense. The answer to my problem was clearer than ever. I'd had the pieces all along; I just hadn't been able to make sense of them.

My pulse thundered in my ears; it felt like there was no oxygen in the bookstore. Oh, God. I needed to find James. I ran from the store, barely making it into the street before I began gasping for air.

I raised my head only to see Alice running towards me with her arms outstretched. She gathered me tightly into her embrace, both comforting me and holding me up.

"I didn't see it until it was too late, Bella. I'm so sorry."

I sighed deeply, collecting my thoughts. "It's alright, Alice. I'm fine."

It was true. I finally had the answer. I knew what I needed to do.

I just hoped it wasn't too late.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**


	22. Chapter 22

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE AND DISCLAIMER:**_

_**Stephenie Meyer is the author of Twilight. She owns the characters, and the Twilight Series. I'm just offering an alternate possibility.**_

_**I am eternally grateful to Jmeyer for acting as my beta. **_

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Bella's POV-**

"I never meant to hurt you," I whispered. "I know it sounds awful and clichéd but it's true. I'm trying so hard not to hurt you anymore."

I couldn't look at Edward when I told him.

We were in my room; the only light came from my desk lamp. I was sitting on my bed with my legs curled close to my body, and Edward sat in the rocking chair. I refused to look at him, choosing instead to stare at my toes. The thing was, I just couldn't make myself look him in the face. I couldn't make myself see the pain in his eyes when I told him I was leaving.

We had been sitting there in silence for over an hour before I got the nerves to speak. Even he took several minutes to respond.

"I'm not sure I understand what exactly it is that you're trying to say, Bella." The slight shake in his voice gave away the lie; he did, indeed, know what I was talking about. At the very least, he had his suspicions. I stared at his hands, unable to look up.

"I think... I think that I am in love with James."

No response.

_Now or never, Bella._

"Edward."

I paused, using the time to collect what little courage I could scrounge up so that I could go through with it. With a sigh, I started again.

"Edward, I'm leaving."

A heavy silence.

Right as I opened my mouth to speak, Edward's voice cut through the quiet, effectively stopping any of my prepared explanations.

"Please don't." The fragile tone nearly broke my heart. Suddenly, he was in front of me, his long fingers lifting my chin so that I would look him in the face. His voice was soft, barely above a whisper, one hand now on either side of my face, holding me gently as he spoke. "I'll change, Bella. I will do whatever it takes to be whatever you need me to be. I love you so much. You are my soul mate, my love, my everything."

My heart broke for him; the naked love and blatant need in his eyes was staggering. No matter how much this hurt both of us, my resolve couldn't waver. My heart had decided what it wanted and would accept nothing less.

_Oh good, you're finally growing up._

The little, chirping voice of reason had grown entirely too pushy in the recent month, beginning as a whisper and spiraling into a full-blown windstorm, but it never failed to speak the truth. I had finally grown up, and while Edward would always be special to me, while he would forever remain my first love, he was not the best choice for my future. He was a puzzle piece that would fit adequately but not flawlessly.

"I know I am. I'm so sorry. In a perfect world, if we were both perfect, we would be perfect together. I'm not perfect, though, and neither are you. We can't keep pretending that this is okay. We can't keep pretending that _we're_ okay."

"You _are_ perfect, Bella. Perfect for me. You're meant for _me_." His stare was intense, willing me to see my future, our future, in their depths.

"No, Edward, no, I'm not. I'm not perfect, and I can't be perfect for you. I loved you; part of me will always love you. God, I sound like every awful movie break-up scene,"

I pulled away, slipping off the bed. I shoved a hand roughly through my hair as I began to pace; the steady movement was the only thing keeping me grounded so I didn't lose my mind. Edward deserved better than the same lines teenagers had been spitting for centuries—"_It's not you, it's me," _but it was the truth. I would always, always love him. I really believed he was my ideal soul mate, and if we didn't have so much personal baggage, we could have been the next great romance.

I walked slowly to Edward and cradled his face as he had mine.

"Listen to me, _please_. I know you love me, and I know you've waited so patiently. But you're expecting me to be something I'm not. It's not your fault; it's just the way you are. I meant it when I said that in a perfect world, we'd be perfect together. We've both gone through too much, though. I can't be what you need, Edward. It kills me to say that, and I know it can't be easy to heart but it is what it is. You said you would do whatever it took to be whatever I needed. What I need is freedom. I want to be with James. I can't hurt you anymore and pretending that you're still what I want is hurting both of us. I need you to let me go."

I watched his face, enthralled by the minute twinges of grief marring the perfect surface. "Please. Leave. You won't see me again, not for a long time anyways. I will do my best to stay away from you when I'm in town. I hope that we can be friends eventually. I love you, Edward, I really do, but I just... I can't be with you."

Apparently, no matter how hard I tried to prevent it, I was fated to sound like every melodramatic break-up scene. I had said what mattered.

I had spoken the truth.

"Kiss me," he breathed, his eyes glowing in the scant light.

Two words.

Two very simple and incredibly common words.

It was doubtful that anywhere in history had such a basic sentence held so much weight. Edward had, with those two words, spoken volumes more than any grand speech ever would have. There was longing beyond anything I'd ever imagined, despair that tore my heart in two, and so many other emotions I couldn't even begin to pinpoint.

I couldn't kiss him.

_You want to, though._

I tried to pull my eyes away from his, tried to mask the anguish in my voice. "Edward, please go."

He stood up, seeming to tower over me more than ever before. His hands resumed their position at the sides of my face while I continued to hold his. I hadn't even realized I was still clinging to him even as I told him to leave.

"Kiss me."

This time he begged.

The dam my resolve had built sprung a leak; my lips parted of their own accord.

It was all he needed.

In an instant, his lips descended on mine, moving gently before I felt his cool tongue slip between them. His movements were strong and sure as he deepened the kiss. I felt the soft suction of his mouth before he pulled his tongue back, inviting me in. My knees shook as I leaned more into his body. As intimate as we had been in the past year, he very rarely allowed me anywhere near his teeth.

Now, for this last kiss, his last ditch effort to keep me, he was pulling out all the stops.

I could taste the sweetness of his venom as it pooled in his mouth. I couldn't stop myself. I didn't want to. I threw myself into the kiss, wanting everything I could get. I had loved Edward. He had changed my life in ways too vast to count. I needed this memory. I needed this closure.

_Closure._

As soon as I realized that's what it was, I could see and feel the emotions in the kiss as surely as I'd known the sensations and motivations behind it. The overwhelming grief in the slow stroke of his tongue against mine. The bare longing in the caress against my cheek. The _sadness._

Oh God, the sadness.

I was helpless against the tears that streamed from my eyes; my heart was breaking for what had been, for what could have been. I needed to be with James but that didn't make leaving Edward any easier.

I didn't reconsider.

Edward stepped back smoothly, his expression guarded although his golden eyes stormed with emotion. He dipped his head to brush the softest kiss against my cheek, causing my heart to ache in rebellion. His eyes met mine, asking.

Begging.

_Please._

I ducked my head, studying the worn patterns on the floor; I couldn't watch his face as he realized that I really was leaving, that no matter what he said, this really was happening.

I was always hurting someone.

First Renee, then Charlie.

James.

Edward.

My dream flashed through my memory; losing me hurt James more so than Edward. Edward had always had some sort of hope in the power of love and always would. James, on the other hand, had turned his back on the entire concept until I forced his hand in opening himself up again. Losing that hope had devastated him; Edward had even confirmed as much.

I stood unmoving, completely flooded with my own pain and guilt, as he walked toward the window.

He was leaving me.

Just as I'd asked.

"I'll be waiting. You'll realize one day that we are meant to be together, that our souls were created with the other in mind. When you realize that-- I'll be there. I love you, Isabella Marie Swan."

After he left, I curled up in my bed, painfully aware of the loneliness. Edward seemed so convinced that I would come back to him, that our love would triumph over this fresh, too-new love I had for James. I refused to believe that; my mind had reached its decision. I was finally able to stop being greedy and just accept that my love for Edward wasn't enough.

We weren't what the other needed.

James needed me, though.

I needed him.

"Soon," I whispered into the emptiness. "We'll be together soon."

***

The first thing I heard the next morning was Alice's voice. She was downstairs, her bright voice floating up the stairs into my room as she explained to Charlie that we were going shopping again.

"It's just a little trip. Bella called me last night and told me there was something she absolutely needed, and she forgot to get it yesterday. I really hope you don't mind."

I could just picture that bright Colgate smile being thrown Charlie's way while he happily munched on whatever pastry she'd brought with her as a way to help seal the deal.

"Oh, um, that's alright, I guess. I was going to go to La Push anyways." He paused, probably taking another bite of his sugary breakfast. "Just do me a favorite, will ya? Keep her safe?"

"Of course, Charlie! Bella is always safe with me. I may not look like much, but Jasper has taught me some self-defense. Plus, I'll have my phone on me, and we'll call if we have any issues."

Before I could even think to stop myself, I laughed at the picture of Alice using the standard self-defense maneuvers against a guy attempting to mug us. Once the noise escaped my lips, I realized I'd alerted Alice to the fact that I was awake.

"Hang on and let me get ready, I'll be down shortly. I've got other plans for the day though and they definitely don't include going shopping for something I never said I needed."

I didn't speak loud; from the outside, I was doing nothing more than muttering to myself.

I didn't have to shout to know she could hear me, however.

I climbed out of bed and began the task of gathering everything I needed for the shower. I desperately needed the relief that steam and too-hot water provided; my nerves needed the time to calm down before I began to crawl out of my skin. I'd pack my duffel bag when I was finished.

The shower, while blessedly humid and soothing on my aching muscles, didn't take long at all. All good things must come to an end. The minute I stepped out of the solitude of the bathroom and onto the hardwood floor of the hallway, reality slammed into my gut like a nine-pound hammer. I was nervous to leave, not knowing for sure where we had been. Since Edward had always refused to tell me, I would have to find my own way.

I was going to find James.

I refused to believe that I would have gone through all of this only to end up alone. We would be together again.

If I had faith in anything it was that.

Doubt gnawed on my frayed heartstrings.

What if I couldn't find him?

What if he had moved on?

What if James didn't want me?

I could not go back to Edward just because James had denied me. I had already made the decision to spend as long as possible with James and there was no turning back from that now.

I sat down hard on the floor, my back scraping against the plaster wall of the safety net that was my bedroom, and pressed my hand to my forehead. My head was pounding, and I could hear my pulse roaring in my ears.

I couldn't breathe.

_So this is what drowning feels like._

When I opened my eyes again, it was because Alice was there, pulling me into her lap, her little hand smoothing my hair in an attempt to comfort me. "Shh, shh. Bella, please. It's all going to be okay. Well, I don't know that. I've tried not to look. But I'm here for you."

"Wh- what are you talking about?"

"Did you really think I wouldn't know? Edward is my brother, and you're my best friend."

"How is he?" I blurted before I could stop myself.

_Dear Mouth, please filter what comes out of you. It would be appreciated. Love, Brain._

Alice cringed; he was, apparently, not doing well. She continued stroking my head as if I hadn't asked the question at all. "I know where James is, Bella. I'll be driving you today. I promised him that I'd keep you safe."

_I promised him I'd keep you safe._

_Him._

I scooted out of Alice's embrace and turned to face her. "Who did you promise, Alice?"

"What?"

"Who did you promise that you'd keep me safe?"

"Oh, it's no big deal." She waved her hand in front of her face, dismissing my question as if it were a pesky summertime gnat. In one fluid motion she stood and pulled me with her. "I packed your bag already for the cabin so let's go, please. I don't relish the idea of turning you over to the crazed vampire that kidnapped you, but I see that you're going to go no matter what and I'd like some time with you."

She reached for my bag and started for the door. Suddenly, I was struck by the gravity of the situation: Alice knew I was leaving.

Alice knew I was leaving, and she was going to help me.

After all the havoc I had caused her perfectly content family, she still loved and cared enough about me to be willing to do this.

I launched myself into her arms as the first wave of genuine happiness I'd felt in days crashed into me, sending laughter bounding across the room. "I love you, Alice! Thank you!"

***

The trip passed fairly quickly, the world around me a blur of evergreen and brown, grey and white. It slipped by without any conversation, Alice and I simply sitting in the silence, listening to the hum of a CD. I leaned my head against the cool glass of the window as the car travelled on at one hundred miles per hour.

The quiet was killing me, really. I was happy almost to the point of being giddy, thanks to the impending reunion with James. I wanted to share that with my best friend like any normal girl would. I kept my mouth shut, however, because that best friend was not only my ex-boyfriend's sister, but she was also currently mourning the fact we might not see each other again for years.

If ever.

I turned to look at the little pixie sitting next to me. "I'll call you, you know."

"Hmm? What are you talking about?" Her eyes flashed to meet mine, a smile tweaking the corners of her mouth.

"If I don't come back. I'll call you. I promise."

She reached across the chasm between us, squeezing my hand gently.

"I know, Bella. We'll be alright. I'm always going to be here for you, you know. And I'll do my best to keep Edward away until you're ready for him to be around."

For at least the second time that day, I felt like I was suffocating; I sucked in a deep breath, holding it for a moment before exhaling in a slow hiss.

"Will I ever be ready?" I asked softly, praying silently.

_Dear God, please say yes._

_Please say yes._

I wanted Edward in my life. Yes, it was selfish of me, but I couldn't help it. I could not imagine a future devoid of him. Just because I couldn't be with him didn't mean that I wanted him completely out of my life.

"I see the two of you laughing together. It just isn't any time soon."

I wanted to ask her how she knew that it wasn't going to be soon. Was I old? Did that mean James had turned me away? Was I never going to get happily-eternity-ever-after? I had more questions than Alice would answer. I wasn't even sure if I really wanted to know the answers anyway. I nodded and turned back to the window.

"We're almost there. He's made a trail... I'm assuming he hoped you'd show up. I'll drop you off and wait to make sure you get there without getting hurt or lost."

_Almost there. _

It wasn't going to be much longer before I saw James again. I wanted to cry and laugh and dance and have a panic attack all at the same time. I did my best to hide all of my reactions, to keep them tucked safely away, but I still ended up squirming in my seat. Alice laughed next to me and squeezed my hand reassuringly.

"It's all going to be alright, Bella. If this doesn't work out, I'll help you get through it."

As she spoke, she pulled onto the gravel shoulder. I could barely make out a thin trail leading into the darkness of the woods. This was goodbye, at least for now.

I'd grown so tired of goodbyes.

If it was an eternity before I had to say another goodbye, it would be too soon.

We hugged quickly, both of us aware that any words would only be delaying the inevitable. I suspected by the strange look in Alice's eyes that, if she could cry, she would have been. I felt the tears falling from my own eyes but her cool fingers wiped them away.

"Don't cry. You're still my best friend, and you're going to call me." She wiped away a few more renegade droplets. "Stop that now. You don't want to show up at James' with eyes that are red and puffy, honey."

I chuckled softly as I wrapped my arms around her again. "I'm going to miss you."

"I'll miss you too, Bella. Now get out of here."

I snatched the bag and climbed out of the car, suddenly reluctant to leave.

"I'll wait here until I know you're alright." She smiled tightly. "Go on."

With that, I turned around and began my trek back to the cabin. Back to the place that had once been my prison.

Back to my love.

Back to my life.

The walk took longer than I had anticipated; the trees crowded around me, harboring God only knew what dangers. The trail itself was relatively clear, not even a single stray root for me to stumble over. I didn't want to dwell on how long it would have taken someone to Bella-proof a trail through the forest because it would have added fuel to the already burning fire Hope had started.

Hope I wasn't sure I deserved.

I wondered how long it would James to realize that it was me approaching, whether or not he would come to greet me. Perhaps he'd just let me come to him. Then again, there was a chance he wasn't even home. Maybe he hadn't been to the cabin in months. The unknowns were in endless supply; I was taking entirely too many risks.

_It's worth it, though._

The thought strengthened me, steeling me, pushing my foot forward. That bit of resolve stuck with me until I was standing in the doorway of the cabin before quickly fleeing, exit stage left.

The cabin looked exactly as I'd remembered on the outside but the inside... it had changed. It was cleaner but cluttered the way a home would be. It was a home. The ratty couch had been replaced with a newer alternative. There were lamps instead of naked light bulbs. There was a bookshelf absolutely brimming with classics, some of which I recognized from my previous stay and others that were new. The mirrors remained on the wall above the couch.

My stomach twisted as I realized that I had made a terrible mistake, that James was long gone. That I had burst into someone else's home. I turned to leave but the wall next to the door caught my eye.

_Newspaper clippings._

Dozens of them.

Nearly the entire wall had been papered in them.

Stories about me.

"MISSING POLICE CHIEF'S DAUGHTER FOUND. REMEMBERS NOTHING."

"ISABELLA SWAN: RECLAIMING HER LIFE"

"MISSING GIRL STILL REMEMBERS NOTHING"

The articles and titles continued on and on, ordering and retelling my life in James' absence.

This was James' home, not a stranger's. He had fixed things, had made it livable. I dropped my duffel bag and shut the door behind me. I wanted to read the stories tacked to the wall, but I had no desire to relive that time. Instead, I walked to the bookshelf and ran my fingers along the worn spines of the books. The familiar gesture brought a calm unlike any other.

Until I heard the door open, that is.

I spun around and found myself looking into the burning scarlet eyes of the man I loved.

"What in the hell are you doing here?" he snarled, face twisted into a feral expression.

I didn't know what to say.

I opened my mouth but no words came out.

My heart dropped into the Seventh Layer of Hell.

I was going to be sick.

James didn't want me here.

I had made a mistake.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**


	23. Chapter 23

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE AND DISCLAIMER:**_

_**Stephenie Meyer is the author of Twilight. She owns the characters, and the Twilight Series. I'm just offering an alternate possibility.**_

_**I am eternally grateful to Jmeyer for acting as my beta. **_

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Bella's POV-**

_"What in the hell are you doing here?" he snarled, face twisted into a feral expression._

_I didn't know what to say. _

_I opened my mouth but no words came out._

_My heart dropped into the Seventh Layer of Hell._

_I was going to be sick._

_James didn't want me here._

_I had made a mistake._

"I just... I miss... I..." My mouth worked, starting the sentences I had lined up to say but never finishing. I couldn't find the words to explain the situation; to be honest, I wasn't even sure such words existed.

The fact that I scrambled for words seemed to calm his anger; being faced with my human flaws seemed to do that for him. Before my very eyes, the anger disappeared, giving way like sandcastles under the torment of waves, and the irate vampire became something else entirely.

He was broken, so broken.

Was this what Edward had seen? Was this why he had spared his life?

_Oh, God, what have I done?_

"Bella?" It was barely a whisper, but it was there-- his voice. His hands gripped my shoulders as if his life depended on it, and his eyes searched mine desperately. The blatant need in his eyes was devastating; he clearly wanted me to say something. I needed to say something that would fix all of this, but I still couldn't find the words.

Faced with no other options, I said the first thing that came to mind.

"I lied."

"_Hello, how have you been, love?" would've been a nice touch, Bella._

"What are you talking about, Bella? Why are you here?" His eyebrows knit tightly together over his eyes.

He was confused, that much was obvious. Who could blame him, though?

I'd lost count of the days I'd been gone a long time ago, struggling to come to terms with the two warring sides of my heart like the Civil War all over again. Part of me would forever love Edward-- he had been an ideal partner, but a relationship wasn't worth it if we were both too busy balancing on our ridiculously high pedestals. James was, and had always been, the healthier option.

I was real to him, solid. I was not made of glass, and he would never treat me as such.

It had just taken me a while, too long, really, to come to terms with that.

Then, after months and months of absence, I showed up in James' living room.

When a moment passed with no answer, he shoved me away roughly, as if I had burned him. Growling, he turned away, stalking toward the door.

_It's too late to take it back now, Stupid. Just tell him._

I took a deep breath and began walking towards him, a million worries racing through my head.

_What if he's moved on? What if he doesn't want me? Oh my God, what if he wants to kill me?_

"I lied to you, James." I took a breath and reached for him, barely tracing the contours of the arm that had held me so tight, so safe for those months, and felt him stiffen. He turned his head slightly, eyes narrowed. _Take a chance. "_I never believed it was a case of Stockholm. Not once, not ever. I..."

Before I could continue, his hands were over his ears in a very childlike move, shaking his head. "No, Bella. No more. Stop, please, just stop."

He didn't want to hear what I had to say.

My heart broke all over again.

_What have I done to him?_

_Do I have to spell everything out for you? You. Ruined. Him. But, you can fix him. You're the only one who can._

I wrapped my fingers around his wrists, staring him down. "James."

Do it.

"I love you."

He flinched as if I'd smacked him but his hands remained clamped over his ears.

I knew he had heard me.

"I love you."

He slammed his eyes shut.

"I love you."

He pulled away, then, sliding his hands over his face as he crouched down on the floor; his whole being vibrated with tension, the air around us charged with our opposing emotion.

"I-" I took a small step forward.

"Love-" I, too, crouched down.

"You." I went to touch his shoulder, willing the desperate quaking to stop but in a split second, he held my wrist tightly. He rose slowly, pulling me along, his brilliant eyes never leaving mine.

"I asked you to stop. I said please."

A lump rose in my throat, and the familiar, hot prick of tears stung my eyes; the vulnerability I saw in him was going to kill me. He was beyond devastated and yet, so beautiful. But he was vulnerable. He was broken.

James had always been strong, stronger than anyone else I'd ever met.

And I had broken him.

"James." His name couldn't have been more than a breathy sigh; I didn't trust myself to speak without the dam breaking.

Then, like a rubber band pulled beyond its limit, he snapped.

Every muscle in his body jerked to attention, his posture perfectly rigid as he took a smooth step away from me. His face was an eerie mask, lacking any discernible emotion, any clue. In his eyes the sentiment was echoed-- there was simply a blank stare where need, fear and sadness had stormed just moments before.

"I think you should leave, Isabella. Now." His voice was cool, collected, detached. "I don't need trouble with the Cullens because you're panting after me."

"I- wait- what? 'Panting after' you? What?" Not my most eloquent moment ever.

"I don't want you here."

My mouth dropped open; he didn't want me here? James was holding the strap of my bag out, away from him as though it was the most monstrous creation to have ever existed.

Every atom of my being was screaming in protest.

_Don't! Do not touch that bag! Make him listen!_

_He loves you. You love him. Make. This. Work._

"Go on," he whispered, a ghost of emotion flickering in his eyes. He held the bag out further, eyes begging me to take it and go. To leave.

_What is he doing?_

With startling clarity, the pieces snapped into place: he wanted me to prove to him that he was right to turn his back on love. He wanted me to prove to him, beyond a shadow of doubt, that he wasn't worthy of even the basest affection.

He wanted me to prove to him that I had never actually loved him.

I felt my shoulders sag under the pressure; I didn't have it in me to fight anymore. Reluctantly and like a scolded child, I took my bag, fingers barely brushing against his and walked out the door.

"Goodbye." It was only a murmur, but I heard it as clearly as cathedral bells, a swallow's mournful cry at dusk. Goodbye would rank among the most painful things he had ever said to me.

I didn't turn around.

I kept my eyes straight ahead as I concentrated on placing one foot in front of the other.

Right.

Left.

Right.

Left.

_James._

_No, ignore that._

Right.

_Oh, god._

Left.

And so on.

I didn't make it far before I hit the ground. Thirty steps that broke my heart before the swell of the forest air, pine and earth, choked me and I fell to my knees, sobbing. This was not how it was supposed to go, not at all. Everything had gone awry. This was some kind of cosmic punishment, karma, it had to be. I had hurt so many others, and now it was my turn to be hurt, crushed under the weight of someone else's heel.

But God did it hurt.

There was nothing dainty about the tears cascading down my face; no gentle sniffles that could be dabbed away with a tissue and I could move on with my day. I cried until my face hurt, until my eyes burned from the effort. I clutched springs of new grass and dead leaves, dug my nails into the soil like it would open up and swallow me whole. My ears throbbed, drowning out the comforting whisper of the wind, the cries, and caterwauls that joined my solo. No, there was nothing particularly feminine about this.

_Alice would be so mad,_ I thought wryly.

A giggle forced its way through the tears, a pathetic hiccupping sort of noise.

The thought threw a cease and desist motion at the emotional tempest.

_Alice._

I'd said goodbye to Alice.

To Edward.

I had given up everything I knew.

I'd given up everything to go back to James, to live happily-ever-after with him.

I truly had nothing now, since James had turned me away. The realization sent a fresh wave of grief through my mind and my wails increased in volume. My shoulders shook almost violently with the force of my tears.

It was at that apex that despair met anger head on, a hot, swift anger that roared through my body and gave me a welcome surge of energy. James had turned me away, leaving me with nothing. What he failed to realize was that he was all I ever wanted, would ever want.

He was going to listen, whether he liked it or not.

Suddenly I was standing. I crashed my way through the woods, ignoring the little thorns and young branches that stung my skin.

I flew up the few stairs and found myself face to face with the front door of the place that had been my prison and would hopefully become my home.

_Don't get yourself killed, Miss Smarty-pants, _my thoughts taunted.

I slammed the door open.

_He may be a vampire, but he's first and foremost a man. _

_An ass of a man at that._

An ass of a man that I marched straight toward with courage seen only in soldiers and idiots and jabbed my index finger hard into his chest.

"Who the hell do you think you are?" I yelled into his face. Standing toe to toe with him, he easily towered over me but at that moment, I didn't particularly care. What I cared about was that I was hurt, I was pissed, and it was all his fault.

James looked every bit as confused as before, but now there was an instantly recognizable trace of amusement glittering in the depths. "Who in the hell do I think I am?"

"That's what I said!"

"I do believe, Isabella, that you're the one that barged into my house and is poking your little, bony finger into my chest after I told you to leave. I told you to get out and go back to your precious Forks. So, I think the better question is: who in the hell do you think you are?"

"You think I trucked myself all the way here to go back? I love you! You can't just send me away!"

"I can, and I will. I'll carry you back there myself if I have to. I don't need you in my life." The amusement was gone. He was annoyed. Mad, even.

_Good, get mad. Fight back. Mad is better than apathetic._

"Don't you dare think about touching me. I came here to say something and I'm going to say it, dammit!" I insisted, digging my finger into his chest again. The reality of that motion was that it hurt me far worse than it hurt him. The gesture was for effect, anyway.

He crossed his arms and looked down at me, an eyebrow arched as if to say "This better be good."

"Fine, say it."

_Say it._

_Oh crap. I wasn't expecting that._

Once again, I was struck infamously speechless. I could see the annoyance thrumming through James' body as he glared down at me. "Goddamn it, Bella, I'm just putting my life back together. Either say what you barged in here to say or get the fuck out!"

_I'm just putting my life back together._

Those seven words echoed in my ears. There was hope, however faint it may be. He really had been ruined when I left but there was still hope for me. For us. I was damn near giddy with excitement. James had loved me, and he would love me again. I just had to make him understand. I had to tell him that I had really, truly loved him all along. That hope swept through me, invigorating my exhausted mind.

"I lied about the Stockholm theory, to everyone. I didn't believe it, I never believed it. Well, maybe not 'never.' But it had never felt right. I never forgot you. God knows I tried. I even slept with Edward to try to forget you!"

His eyes narrowed even further.

_Shit. That was probably not the best course._

_Way to go, Bella._

I took a breath, quickly shuffling through what I had lined up to say. I couldn't afford to piss him off again. "My point is-- nothing worked. You were always in my thoughts and in my heart and every fucking second away from you just felt wrong. This whole time I put on a happy face, did my best to pretend everything was okay. God, that couldn't be farther from the truth.

"I tried so hard to fall back into 'life as normal.' I couldn't let go of you, of what you made me feel. It would've been so much easier if I could have just stayed with Edward and lived in Forks and had this stupid, euphoric life that he had planned for us. But, I wasn't happy and that sort of ruins the whole thing, doesn't it?"

_Bella. Hey, Bella. Shut up._

James was still, watching as I babbled on in front of him, my words tripping over themselves and making no sense. I kept going. I had to. I couldn't lose him.

"Edward told me he came here, James. He told me that you loved me. I thought when you told Victoria you were just sleeping with me to pass the time that you had been telling her the truth. She was going to kill me, and you weren't even making a move to stop her. God, do you have any idea how scared I was? Then Edward showed up and I thought that was the end of it but it wasn't. Whatever I felt couldn't have been faked because I never forgot, James, never forgot. The entire time I was in Forks, I loved you. You wouldn't leave my thoughts, even though it would've been less stressful to forget you. But I couldn't let you go.

"And then I had this... this nightmare, and I kept having it for months. You were so hurt. It was so awful, James. There was blood everywhere, blood and guts, and you were always trying to tell me something, but your jaw was literally torn off so you couldn't but that isn't the point, really, so I don't know why I said that."

I thought I saw his mouth tweak into an amused grin, but it had to have been a trick of the light. I dropped my hand from his chest, running it through my hair instead. When I spoke, my voice had lost its edge.

"It killed me to see you like that. Then I saw you in the bookstore, and I realized that I didn't want this idealized life, this stupid perfection anymore. I wanted you. I love you, and I always loved you. I ran out to tell you, but you were already too far away. So, that's why I'm here. I don't want to leave, not without you. Never again."

My chest struggled to heave, to take in gulps of air but I couldn't. I simply stood in front of him and held my breath as I waited for his reaction, hoping against the odds that his expression would soften. After several beats that cascaded into forever, his face did shift; it relaxed into something akin to... pity?

That couldn't be right.

"Go back to Forks, Bella." While his tone was sad, there was a hint of it being on the verge of condescending.

_Yep, definitely pity._

Whatever hope I thought there had been evaporated, taking with it what little dust was left after my heart shattered upon impact.

James didn't want me.

He had moved on.

He wanted me to go back to Forks, but I had already severed all ties, every last one of them because... well, because I wanted James. Not Edward.

James.

"I can't." I hid my face but couldn't obscure the crack in my voice. God, please don't let me break down in front of him.

He was more than irritated when he spoke. "There is a difference between something you can't do and something you don't want to do. You don't want to go back to Forks, because you think you love me, and you're bored to death with Edward. I get that, I really do. You, however, can't stay here, because I can't lose you again when you decide you've had enough of being reckless and want to go back to the comfortable life."

_I can't lose you again._

"I can't go back to Forks," I mumbled.

James sighed heavily, his exasperation evident in the sound. "What do you mean?"

"I mean I can't fucking go back! There's nothing to go back to!" I shouted, dropping my hands away.

The anger was back.

But anger was good. Anger was very good in comparison to the guilt and misery.

James flinched at my sudden outburst and that only served to fuel the fire. He couldn't honestly be scared of me, which meant he just hadn't expected it. This wasn't my first bout with rage today so why didn't he expect the anger? Surely he didn't expect me to just leave quietly with my tail tucked between my legs?

Did he really think so little of me and what I felt for him?

He had already challenged me once, with my bag. He had been all but begging for me to prove him right about everything, up to and including the idea of love, by leaving.

And I had.

_Oh shit. Abandon ship!_

"What I mean is that I left Forks. All of it. I didn't just leave Edward. I left my dad; I left my best friend. I left everyone and everything I know because I want to be with you! Because, and God knows why at this point, I love you! You're what matters to me, you're everything!" I was screeching by this point, hysterics waiting in the wings for the right moment to strike. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry I hurt you, I'm sorry I'm such an idiot! I'm sorry I let Edward take me and that I didn't put up a fight, and I'm sorry that I believed Victoria! I'm sorry I turned you away that night you showed up in my room! I'm sorry! I love you and I'm sorry and I'm so tired!"

And there it was: the raw truth followed by a complete breakdown. I had ruined so much on a chance, hurt so many people along the way to getting what I wanted. I had hurt James and that thought cut deeper, bled more profusely than any other. I didn't deserve to stand here and plead my case. He had been right to turn me away, but I wouldn't let it go-- not until he knew just how sorry I was. How much I regretted every day away from him, every lie I told. Until he knew I had recognized my mistakes.

I was so tired of fighting with my emotions. So tired of pretending.

So tired of settling for pleasant when perfect was an option.

I gasped for breath between choked sobs, wiping away the vicious tears on the back of my hand. "I'm sorry, and I just... I just need you to know that. I'll leave if you don't want me, but I'm not going back to Forks. Just please, please tell me you understand. I need you to understand."

Marble smooth arms wound their way around me stiffly; he hadn't meant to hug me but now, it seemed, he was at a loss of just what he should do. Slowly, he began to relax, infinitesimally, as the seconds passed. Before long, I was crying into his shirt, snaking my arms hungrily around his waist as his hand stroked my back in an attempt of comfort.

"Shh. Shh, it's okay, Bella. I know. I know you're sorry," he crooned against my hair, rocking us slightly where he stood. I wanted to collapse in relief. He knew.

This was right.

In this cabin, in James' arms, this is where I belonged.

I knew it as surely as I knew that my eyes were brown, the sky was blue, and my name was Isabella Marie Swan.

God only knows how long we stood there in silence, swaying as we clung to one another while my tears ran dry.

"Did you mean it?" His deep rumble broke the quiet but only barely above a whisper.

With a voice rough and husky from the screaming and crying, I answered. "Did I mean what?"

"You know... when you said you loved me. Did you mean it?"

It was like being shocked back into existence as hope rattled through me once again; I would recognize that edge in his voice for the rest of my days. "I love you. I love you. IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou. I love you. I loved you when I wasn't here, and I'll love you even if you make me walk out that door. I love you, James. You, only you."

He took a step back and every fiber of my being protested at the loss of contact.

"Did you mean the other thing?" he murmured, the gravel in his voice hitting me in the most primal way.

_Not the time for that, Bella. Focus._

"What other thing?"

Shadows flew through his eyes, twisting my gut viciously. I knew what that look meant. "When you said I wasn't allowed to touch you. Did you mean it?"

My heart thundered in my ears; was he really asking that? Did that mean...?

I shook my head quickly, mustering up every hidden piece of honesty I could: "Never."

I don't think I managed to blink before he was in front of me, arms holding me securely to him.

_This._

_This is perfection._

_This is everything._

Our lips met, rough, needy, wanton. The desire and the heartache, the loneliness and the anger that had built over time reached a crescendo fit for any fireworks finale. This man was everything I needed or could need, forever and ever, amen. His scent flooded my lungs, the passion-- dear God, the passion danced white hot across my nerves as I clung to him. James' hands were everywhere, pressing me closer against him, familiarizing himself with the landscape he once knew so well.

At long last, the ache in my chest shook free. There was no shame, no confusion, no grief, or pain. The cabin, our cabin, faded away until there was nothing left but us. Nothing but him.

My love.

My life.

Just... James.

"This doesn't mean you're forgiven, Swan," he mumbled against my mouth.

I knew I wasn't forgiven. I knew I would have to prove to James that I deserved his trust, that I wouldn't leave him again. It wouldn't be easy, and we would probably spend a great many days screaming at each other until we couldn't scream any more.

I was ready to accept that, though. If I'd wanted picture-perfect, I would have stayed in Forks with Edward and lived pleasantly ever after. What I had with James was a million times better. What I had with James was real. We could argue and tease and push the limits without worrying about losing one another. It wasn't picture-perfect, but it was perfect for us.

"Should I leave then?" I teased, pulling away.

Statue-esque arms crushed me to his body. "It'll be a cold day in hell before I let you leave me again."

"Before you 'let' me? Are you going to be one of those controlling, jealous, brute-boyfriends now?"

My books had instilled in me that belief that a moment like that moment should have been full of sappy proclamations of undying love and sticky-sweet promises of forever. Instead, we teased one another and took comfort in the undeniable physical pull that existed between us. I had James in my arms. James, who was the antithesis of Edward, of everything I thought I wanted prior to that day in the ballet studio, surrounded by mirrors. I remembered catching James' reflection in the glass-paneled walls and thinking he was a monster. Now I could see us reflected in the little mirrors above the couch. He had never been a monster. Neither had I, really. We had just been confused. We had just needed to find one another, as textbook-corny as that was.

"Look," I pointed towards the mirrors. I'd done the same exact thing once before, just a few nights before Edward swooped in to rescue me. "We're beautiful," I sighed.

Okay, so maybe sappy proclamations and sticky-sweet had their place in reunions like this. I turned my face up towards James'; I could feel the goofy grin curving my lips. I was happy, no, I was blissfully ecstatic. Cool hands eased up my neck and stroked along my jaw, and then his face was getting closer to mine.

"I love you, Bella Swan," he whispered. "Welcome home."

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

_**And so we reach the end.**_

_**Thank you to everyone who took the time to read this story, no matter who you were rooting for, and thank you Jess for being an indispensible part of truly finishing it.**_

_**There is a companion piece for this story, composed of one-shots from the future and out-takes from the duration of the story. It's titled "More Mirrors" and an excerpt from the first one-shot directly follows this chapter. You can find the full collection on my profile page.**_

_**Again, thank you. I hope you enjoyed the ride. **_

_**-K**_


	24. More Mirrors

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE AND DISCLAIMER:**_

_**Stephenie Meyer is the author of Twilight. She owns the characters, and the Twilight Series. I'm just offering an alternate possibility.**_

_**This is simply an excerpt from a companion one-shot titled, "Already Gone." You can find the full piece, as well as others, on my profile page under the work "More Mirrors."**_

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

I gently pulled my arm away, or tried to anyways. His long fingers remained wrapped around my skin, holding me to his ear so he could search for that phantom pulse. The tiny voice in the back of my head wanted to be mad, wanted to be furious that he couldn't accept me for what I was.

That voice was drowned out by the overwhelming feeling of _grief. _Of heartbreak. He couldn't accept that I'd made that change. I was no longer the Bella he knew, in his mind.

"It's still me," I ventured, my voice so low that human ears would not have caught it.

A strangled sound crawled from his throat. In the slowest of movements, he started sliding his ear down my arm. Then across my clavicle. Finally, his head came to rest against my chest, my wrist still shackled by his grasp.

This time there was no lag as my brain processed what he was doing. It was perfectly clear from the moment his ear came to a rest.

He was listening for my heart.

After a few moments, his shoulders shook.

Once.

A few seconds passed.

Another shake.

_Is he...?_

Edward's body was wracked with tremors as he huddled against my body, his head pressed to my chest.

Vampires may not be able to shed tears, but Edward Cullen was definitely sobbing in my arms.

Silent, gut-wrenching, tearless sobs that shook his shoulders violently.

The sobs of someone mourning.

The sobs of someone who has lost the love of their life.

_He's grieving for me all over again._

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

_**To read all of the one-shots and out-takes, please make sure you have added "More Mirrors" to your alert list.**_


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